Pastor Manny, who is in Austin, has been a source of much laughter and joy. We miss him dearly, especially Gracepoint Berkeley, Koinonia, Directors, and Disgracepoint.
Jessica: Thanks for doing the shopping for tonight's dinner.
James: No problem.
Jessica: (looks in the bag) Is this everything?
Jessica: But I only see 1 bunch of green onions, I asked for 6.
James: Your shopping list said 6 green onions, so I bought 6 green onions.
Jessica: I meant 6 BUNCHES of green onions.
James: But your shopping list didn't say bunches. It just said 6 green onions. All the other items on the list you specified 1 pack, 2 bags, so how was I supposed to know that you meant bunches?
Jessica: Because the grocery stores sell them by the bunch. 3 bunches for 99 cents. It should be obvious.
James: Well, you should have been more specific. I was just following the list you gave me.
Jessica: (looks at the green onions) So you happened to buy the bunch that contained 6 green onions?
James: No, that bunch contained a few more, so I took those out and just bought these.
Jessica: (long silence)
James: I'll go to Safeway right now and buy the rest.
Daniel: Where should we go eat?
Daniel: No, come on... I know you. You wanna have Korean, Mexican or Vietnamese. Where should we go?
Daniel: Anywhere? Really?
Sarah: Yes! Anywhere's fine.
Daniel: Okay, Nations.
Sarah: Oh sick!!
Daniel: (pause) How about La Pinata?
Sarah: I just had Mexican food yesterday.
Daniel: Where do you want to go, then?
Daniel: Fine, Vietnamese. Le Chavel!
Sarah: Too far.
Daniel: Spaghetti Factory?
Sarah: Oh gross!!
Daniel: What does it mean for you to say "anywhere," when whatever I suggest, you are going to reject? You don't mean anywhere!
Sarah: But Daniel, you're intentionally choosing the places that I don't like!
Sarah: (pause) Okay
Daniel: See?? I knew it! You only wanna go there! I knew it!
Sarah: If you knew it, then why didn't you just go there in the first place?
Daniel: (silence) sigh
This is a new genre of Disgracepoint submissions that I would like to start. Here's the first submission: a conversation between me and my wife long ago.. Married couples, please submit your stories (yours can be anonymous, if you wanna be that way about it)
Sarah: I'm going to throw away our rice pot. We should buy a new one.
Sarah: Because it's broken.
Daniel: (incredulous) What do you mean, it's broken?
Sarah: The lid doesn't close anymore.
Daniel: It closes if you slam on it a little.
Sarah: No, not anymore. It doesn't close anymore, even if you slam on it.
Daniel: So you're gonna throw the whole thing away because the lid doesn't close?? I can fix that! It's just the latch! I'll just fix it!
Sarah: If you can fix it, then why didn't you fix it before?
Daniel: Why don't YOU fix it?!!?
Sarah: I don't know how!!
Daniel: It's not a matter of knowing how! It must be just a bent latch! You just unbend it! (pause) Look, I don't know how to fix it, either. Not right now! But you just have to look at it! All you have to do is look, and you can see how easy it is.
Sarah: If you don't know how to fix it, then why did you say that you can fix it?
Setting: Korean-American waitress I saw at Red Lobster who was forced to sing a birthday for a group of retired seniors. (She was fighting with another waitress about having to sing the song.)
Waitress: (with a bad attitude) Here's your cake. I will sing now. What's the birsday person's name?
Old Lady: His name is Hal.
Waitress: (sings with extremely low enthusiasm) Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, dear Hell.
Old Lady: Oh, that's Hal.
Old Lady: Hal.
Old Lady: (pause) That's okay.
Waitress: (sings) Happy birthday, dear Hell, happy birthday to you. (gives them plates in one pile and leaves)
Pastor Manny is now the pastor who ministers to Longhorn students in Austin, Texas.