Absalom, Absalom

Friend: Oh man, I forget... what was that guy in the Bible?  King David's son... who had long hair and ended up getting killed because his hair got caught in the tree or something?

Brother M: Oh I know!  It's Aragorn!

My Spiritual Life

Friend: Hey, do you know how his spiritual life is going?

Hurting Guy: Oh, yeah.  He just finished.

(Later, it was revealed that he meant to say that he just finished reading a Christian book, but he couldn't get that last bit in, because people around him were laughing)

Foreign Student

Setting: Brother W and his friend are having a conversation about picking up an incoming post-doc from an airport.

Friend: So, which airport is he flying into?

Brother W:  He's flying into UFO.

Demotivator Winner: Matrix

English Patients: Vision Killer

submitted by Yanhui

Setting:  Sister YZ and Sister YY and Sister R, all of them English Patients to different degrees, are excitedly talking about their vision to do something together in China in front of Sarah, an English major.

Sister YZ: Yeah, we should build a school in the rural areas of China for kids from elementary grade level to high school.

Sister YY: Oh that would be so great!  We can train the students to take the SAT and maybe they can come to the colleges in America, near our church plants!

Sister YZ: Yeah, you can teach Chemistry, and Sister R can teach Math and Physics!

Sister R: They will do really well on the SAT!

Sarah: But who's going to teach English?

[Silence]

Hurting: Why Socks Fall Apart

Friend: Hey, how come your socks are on the living room floor?

J: Oh, oops.

Friend: Sick!  Why did you leave your socks behind?

J: Oh, they just come off.  I think it's because I put those in the washing machine.

Friend: ???

(At this point, J's friends started to wonder what J does with her other socks)

English Patient: Ointment

Setting: Brother D was telling Brother M (English Patient) about a surgical glue that looks like new skin.

Brother D: It’s called New Skin, I think.

Brother M: So it’s an ailment?

Brother D: [silence] Do you.. mean ointment?

Musical Tastes

Brother D: Hey M, what kind of music do you like?

Brother M: I like violent music.

Brother D: [silence]…  You mean like metal?

Brother M: No, I mean violent music.

Brother D: Oh… wait, do you mean violin music?

Brother M: That’s what I said.  Violent music.

The Eighth Wonder of the World

Brother B: Hey, do you know what the 7 wonders of the world are?

Brother M: I think the pyramids in Egypt and the Great Wall of China, but I don't know the rest.

Brother B: I think also Taj Mahal. Oh, and Tiramisu!

Brother M: What? Tiramisu is a dessert.

Brother B: You know, that place in Peru.

Brother M: Oh, you mean Machu Picchu!

Brother B: I can't believe I just said that. I was thinking of the kind of cake I wanted to eat.

English Patient: Cleaning Solution

Brother M: Hey guys!  Let’s clean up!  Give me that 637!


What's amazing about this is that every single digit was wrong.

Insurance Companies as Pets

Brother B: "Did you know J's dad raises Geicos as pets?"

Brother M: "You mean geckos?"

Brother B: "No, Geico..  Like the commercial."

English Patient: H1 Work Visa

submitted by Gina Han

Setting: Sister J is celebrating and hugging sister D, who just got confirmation that her boss will sponsor her for the H1 work visa, so that she can stay in the US.

Sister J: Oh my gosh!!!  That's so wonderful!  Can you believe it, Gina??  Her company is going to give her the H1N1!!!!

Running Out of Firewood

Setting: A group of people are talking about Sierra Lodge, discussing whether or not to bring up more firewood…

Brother: Yeah…  I’m not sure if we have any more wood up in Sierra Lodge.

Sue Yi: What??  We ran out of trees at Sierra Lodge?

Confusing Slangs

“Oh, so you wanted to catch up with those guys too??  Hey, why don’t we all meet up together?  That way, we can use many birds to shoot one stone.”

Hurting: Chance

Setting: Brothers taking a class together.  They get back their midterms back.

Friend: Oh no!!  Your scantron is filled with red marks…  That’s painful, man!  I think you did worse than chance!

Unnamed Brother: Yeah, that’s really painful…  [pause] By the way… who is Chance?

Bible Study Faux Pas

submitted by Jenn Chen

Brother M: “Good evening, everyone.  Today, I’ll be teaching from the last book of the Bible, Genesis.”