English Patient: Announcements

Brother J, wanting to tell people that we are now breaking off by lifegroups into different houses, says:

"Okay everyone, let's go and break into people's houses!"

Baby Stuff

Brother J walks into the pantry looking to put away some bottle caps for ketchup/salad dressing dispensers.  And he asks: "Hey!  Where does the baby stuff go?"




English Patient: Gentrification

Friend: Did you hear how that Starbucks closed down because of gentrification?

Sister S: What?  Starbucks did gender profiling?

King Phineas

Setting: During a DT sharing in 1 Kings...  a Sister S gets to the part where it talks about King Phineas.

First time she comes across this name, she reads it as: "Pin-aye-has."  (a decent attempt)
Second time, she reads it as: "Peninas"
Third time, she reads it as: "Panini"

Vision for the World

Jesus told us to go to all the world
The first challenge is to know what the world looks like.

Beautiful Sunset

Setting: Leaving Zion National Park

Brother J: Wow, the sun is so beautiful.  Did you know that it sets in the south here?

Scrapbook

Sister V writes an email asking people to submit their pictures for the scrapbook...
except..
She forgot to type the "s" in the front.

Special Order Boba Milk Tea


Setting: Brother M goes to a boba shop.

Brother M: can I order your boba milk tea?  but with no sugar.

Cashier: ok

Brother M: and can I get it without boba?

Cashier: ok

Brother M: and also without any tea?

Cashier: [silence]  so... you just want milk?

Brother M: yea


(brother M walks out having spent $4 on a cup of milk)

Amazing Mussels Dish

Setting: This is what was written by one of the brothers in potluck. 

Item that you will bring:  Dynamite Muscles

Acronyms Are Hard

Setting: Jr bros are sharing their camping experiences, and one brother talks about how he used to change inside his sleeping bag so no one could see.

Bro L: Dude!!  That's TFTI!

[silence]

Bro J: I think you mean TMI.

Jesus Multiplying 5 Loaves and 2 Fish

After a Joyland lesson on Jesus feeding the 5,000, Father B asks his child if he learned about Jesus multiplying 5 loaves and 2 fish.  The child says, "No, dad, you're wrong."  And he takes this out.

Gracepoint Rutgers Joyland Lesson

NOTE: There is nothing theologically significant about the number in this case, so perhaps this Joyland teacher wanted to make that point.  But I doubt that that's what happened.

English Patient: Bananagram

Setting: While auditing a friend's Bananagram victory...

Sister J: Whoa, whoa!!  Cheater!  That's not a word!  What is R-E-D?

English Patient: Amazing Ability

Friend: If you could have one amazing ability, what would it be?

Sister J: Photogenic memory!

English Patient: Alumni

Sister S: Hi, are you international students?

2 girls: No, we graduated.  We are aluminum.

Limes

Setting: Someone gets water with lemon in it.

Brother J: These are OK, but I like limes better.

Brother B: They're the same fruit anyways.

Brother J: Huh?  What do you mean?

Brother B: Limes are just baby lemons.

English Patient: Announcements

Brother J, wanting to tell people that we are now breaking off by lifegroups into different houses, says: "Okay everyone, let's g...