English Patient: Gentrification

Friend: Did you hear how that Starbucks closed down because of gentrification?

Sister S: What?  Starbucks did gender profiling?

King Phineas

Setting: During a DT sharing in 1 Kings...  a Sister S gets to the part where it talks about King Phineas.

First time she comes across this name, she reads it as: "Pin-aye-has."  (a decent attempt)
Second time, she reads it as: "Peninas"
Third time, she reads it as: "Panini"

Vision for the World

Jesus told us to go to all the world
The first challenge is to know what the world looks like.

Gluttony-Free

We are doing our part to fight against sin.

Beautiful Sunset

Setting: Leaving Zion National Park

Brother J: Wow, the sun is so beautiful.  Did you know that it sets in the south here?

Scrapbook

Sister V writes an email asking people to submit their pictures for the scrapbook...
except..
She forgot to type the "s" in the front.

Special Order Boba Milk Tea

Setting: Brother M goes to a boba shop.

Brother M: can I order your boba milk tea?  but with no sugar.

Cashier: ok

Brother M: and can I get it without boba?

Cashier: ok

Brother M: and also without any tea?

Cashier: [silence]  so... you just want milk?

Brother M: yea

(brother M walks out having spent $4 on a cup of milk)

Amazing Mussels Dish

Setting: This is what was written by one of the brothers in potluck. 

Item that you will bring:  Dynamite Muscles

Acronyms Are Hard

Setting: Jr bros are sharing their camping experiences, and one brother talks about how he used to change inside his sleeping bag so no one could see.

Bro L: Dude!!  That's TFTI!

[silence]

Bro J: I think you mean TMI.

Jesus Multiplying 5 Loaves and 2 Fish

After a Joyland lesson on Jesus feeding the 5,000, Father B asks his child if he learned about Jesus multiplying 5 loaves and 2 fish.  The child says, "No, dad, you're wrong."  And he takes this out.

NOTE: There is nothing theologically significant about the number in this case, so perhaps this Joyland teacher wanted to make that point.  But I doubt that that's what happened.

English Patient: Bananagram

Setting: While auditing a friend's Bananagram victory...

Sister J: Whoa, whoa!!  Cheater!  That's not a word!  What is R-E-D?

English Patient: Blow Drying

Sister B: Hey, I blew dried my hair.

What A Sale! #2

Another amazing sale. 

English Patient: Amazing Ability

Friend: If you could have one amazing ability, what would it be?

Sister J: Photogenic memory!

How Many Dollars Does It Take To Change A Light Bulb?

It seems like there is a definitive answer...  $117.79.

English Patient: Alumni

Sister S: Hi, are you international students?

2 girls: No, we graduated.  We are aluminum.

What A Sale!!!

Check out this amazing sale.  Like they say, a dollar saved is a dollar earned.

Limes

Setting: Someone gets water with lemon in it.

Brother J: These are OK, but I like limes better.

Brother B: They're the same fruit anyways.

Brother J: Huh?  What do you mean?

Brother B: Limes are just baby lemons.

Disgracepoint from East Coast: Floor Lambs

Another post from the East Coast...

Sister B's email:
Please pack those floor lambs by disassembling them and putting them in boxes.  4 of my floor lambs broke, because I moved them.  You need floor lambs here, as the homes here don't have light fixtures.  So most of them need floor lambs to plug in for lights.

A comment: It's pretty amazing that how many times sister B uses the word.  I think she really wanted to make it abundantly clear what she was talking about.

Disgracepoint from East Coast

With the new East Coast church plants happening, there's been a revival of submissions to disgracepoint.  I am thankful for the gift.  Here's a little something from Gracepoint DMV:

Email: Hi everyone, there is a little breakfast nuke area at the place, so you can bring a small table there for eating.

NOTE: By the way, this person is not talking about a microwave oven.