English Patient: Basinet
Brother Monk
A particular man in our midst, who will remain anonymous (the identity of this man is to remain strictly confidential, as evidenced by the effort put into protecting his identity in the photo), walked into Berkel Berkel, which is a Korean restaurant on Telegraph Ave. in Berkeley.Common Sense Patient: Common Sense Biology
Common Sense Patient: No way! Bigger than elephants'?
English Patient: Love and Marriage
Friend: That's a broom.
Sister Y: You mean like what brides get married to?
Friend: Oh my gosh!! That's "groom", not "broom"!
Sister Y: [trying to recover] Oh, well, I thought bride and broom made sense because I thought husbands are supposed to sweep the house after they get married.
Happy Birthday
A particular brother emails his peers from Taiwan to remind them that it's Brother K's 30th birthday. So they plan to have a nice breakfast on Saturday morning. Even though he's really busy, Brother R stays up all night to make a nice frame celebrating his 30th. On Saturday morning, they get together and this is the conversation that they had.
Brother R: Okay, I guess we're waiting for Brother K... Wow, big 30.
Brother D: Actually... it's not his 30th. It's actually his 29th birthday.
Brother R: What?? Are you serious? How long did you know about this?
Brother D: Since I got the email, I knew that it wasn't his 30th.
Brother R: I can't believe you didn't tell us. I made the frame and everything! Well, I guess we can just explain to him why the words on the frame are wrong. How come he's not here?
Brother W: Actually, he's not around. He went down to San Jose.
Brother R: What??
Brother W: Yeah.
Brother R: And you knew about this?
Brother D: How come you didn't tell us?
Brother W: [silence] Let's just have breakfast.
English Patient: Common Suns
Setting: Sister Y and Yumi are ironing the welcome team shirts at North Loop.
Sister Y: Okay, so should we go for the matte finish or the Satan-y finish?
Yumi: Satan? You mean satiny?
Sister Y: Oh my gosh! Yeah. That's what I meant! (laugh) How come I make all these English mistakes?
Yumi: That's okay.
Sister Y: Yumi, I want to make suns when I talk. I want to make suns!
English Patient: A Cure-All Medicine
English Patient Sister C: When you get a cold, you should drink euthanasia tea.
Friend: (pause) Do you mean Echinacea tea? (pause) I mean, I guess euthanasia tea would also put an end to the sickness...
Athletes
Friend1: So sad, their career is over at age 30 or something.
Friend2: Well, George Foreman did okay. He has a business and everything.
Friend1: That’s true.
Sister E: (confused) Yeah… But I thought we were talking about athletes. Why are we talking about a grill-maker?
English Patient: Word Order
Sister: So they actually had a cow??
Sister C: Yeah! Yeah! They cowed the milk!
New Potato Chips Flavor
Setting: Sister A and Sister W were talking about different flavors of chips. Sister W's favorite flavor was Caesar Salad flavor.
Instead, Sister W says, "Oh!! I really really like the Cesar Chavez flavor"
Fill Them Both
Friend: Fill them both.
Brother D: Okay.
(A few minutes later, Brother D shows up to Phil and Bo’s house with two empty water jugs.)
Unhappy Hour
Brother M: In that case, can I have 'ho fun'?
Waiter (irritated): NO FUN! NO FUN!
At the moment this waiter said that, Brother M did not realize that "fun" meant rice noodles.
Disgracepoint Classic Demotivator
http://www.disgracepointonline.org/2008/07/dis-gracepoint-fellowship-gold-winner.html
Princess
Setting: 5-year-old Michelle makes this speech in front of her family members.
Michelle: Mommy! You are a princess!
Mom: Wow, really?
Michelle: Daddy! You’re a prince!
Dad: Okay.
Michelle: Grandma, you’re the cook!
Grandma: ??
Michelle: Elise (her older sister), you’re the servant!
Elise: What??
Michelle: And everyone!! Everyone needs to listen to me, because I’m the queen!!
English Patient: Borrowing Money
Matching Colors
Yumi walks into the Y one day and is greeted by Brother B. As she walks by him, B stops Yumi and asks with a smile, "Hey Yumi, you really like brown, don't you?"
After looking at herself and realizing that she was wearing brown sweatshirt and green pants, she answers, "Yah, I guess so."
"You're the only person I know who wears brown head-to-toe," said B.
"Oh my gosh, you're color-blind! I'm wearing green pants!" Yumi exclaimed.
What's seems amazing to me is not the severity of Brother B's color-blindness, but the fact that he says stuff like this.
Please Vote!
Please vote for your favorite caption on the poll to the right. This is for the picture posted here:
http://www.disgracepointonline.org/2009/12/demotivator-contest.html
Comebacks
Setting: Brother W and his wife E were driving to a place where Brother W would be teaching the Bible study.
Sister E: So what do you think about these issues? There are so many things to think about.
Brother W: I know, but let’s not talk about that right now, because I gotta concentrate.
Sister E: But we need to talk through these items. I’m so stressed.
Brother W: You’re stressed? Hey, at least you don’t have to teach Bible studies!
Sister E: At least you don’t have to listen to them!
At this point, Brother W, who is a good sport about bantering, was first shocked, but then realized that his wife bested him, and said, “Wow! That’s a good one!!”
Warmth
On our trip to Grand Canyon, us pampered Californians soon discovered that the chilly Arizona proved to be too much for us.
In desperation, we found ourselves having a new idol... the bright brown trash can, which was very warm from absorbing much heat from the sunlight.
Before we know it, we were all crowded around that new idol of ours, touching it, leaning on it, hugging it, worshipping it...
It is another example of just how weak human body is.
Happy New Year!
Let's together commit to a new year's resolution -- that we will submit at least one story to disgracepoint this year, or at least do something that is worthy of others telling disgracepoint about. Really, we're running low on stories.
Happy new year, happy new decade.
Hurting: Banner Printing
They say a picture is worth a thousand words, but in this case, this picture is worth one word: hurting.
Gracepoint Demotivator: Herding
Dis-Gracepoint Football
There was one time when Brother K was just throwing a football around with Brother R, a good football player.
Then Brother K had a great idea and told Brother R, “Hey, you’re a kicker, right? Why don’t you kick the ball as high as you can to me?”
Brother R asked Brother K if he was sure, and K taunted him, “Come on, R, give it your best shot, come on!”
Then Brother R kicked the football high up into the air, higher than Brother K has ever seen any manmade object go. Brother K ran to the landing spot where he projected the football would come down, and as he waited there for the next few seconds, the football was still coming down, accelerating and picking up speed as it spun downward, downward, downward. Brother K, while watching the football coming down at an incredible speed approaching terminal velocity, realized that he could hurt himself if he tried to catch the football. So at the last second, Brother K decided that he’s not going to try to catch this football, and he tried to bail by jumping out of the way. However, the football was coming down so fast at this point that Brother K simply could not get out of the way fast enough, resulting in the football hitting the chest of Brother K with frightening power, knocking the wind out of Brother K’s lungs. And he was falling, Brother K sprained both of his ankles.
The next day, when asked how he sprained both of his ankles, Brother K simply replied, “Football.”
English Patient: Embrace
submitted by Robert Kim
Brother JC: "All right guys, let's have a serious D-house meeting. Embrace yourselves"
[At this point, a bunch of guys started to wrap their arms around themselves]
Boys vs. Girls 2
submitted by maurice
Setting: A father was babysitting his son and a friend's daughter who were both 3 years old.
Father: Hey, what are you playing?
Little girl: Oh, we're playing house and I'm pretending to cook a yummy food for us. It's really fun!
Father: Son, are you having fun too?
Son: (pause) RARRRH!!
Boys vs. Girls
submitted by maurice
Setting: A certain brother was driving with his 3 year-old son, and his friend's daughter, also 3 years old, in the back seat. This brother's wife was on a summer mission trip, as was the little girl's dad.
Father: Do you know where your daddy is?
Little Girl: Yes, he's in China right now, teaching people about God.
Father: Wow, that's nice. Hey son, do you know where your mommy is?
Son: (pause) Look, Daddy, a train!!!
English Patient Joyland Teacher
Setting: Mark and Naomi's son, Daniel, came home from Joyland one week singing the hymn, "Great Is My Faithfulness".
Parents: What did you say, Daniel?
Daniel: Great is My Faithfulness.
Parents: No, no, the real words are Great is "Thy" Faithfulness.
Daniel: No, it's "My" Faithfulness. Teacher JN said so.


