Hurting: Banner Printing

They say a picture is worth a thousand words, but in this case, this picture is worth one word: hurting.

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Gracepoint Demotivator: Herding

Thank you, disgrapointers, for providing this comment. Note: Sue Yi, the mother of this family, was the one who picked out their clothes that fateful Sunday morning.

Dis-Gracepoint Football

There was one time when Brother K was just throwing a football around with Brother R, a good football player.

Then Brother K had a great idea and told Brother R, “Hey, you’re a kicker, right? Why don’t you kick the ball as high as you can to me?”

Brother R asked Brother K if he was sure, and K taunted him, “Come on, R, give it your best shot, come on!”

Then Brother R kicked the football high up into the air, higher than Brother K has ever seen any manmade object go. Brother K ran to the landing spot where he projected the football would come down, and as he waited there for the next few seconds, the football was still coming down, accelerating and picking up speed as it spun downward, downward, downward. Brother K, while watching the football coming down at an incredible speed approaching terminal velocity, realized that he could hurt himself if he tried to catch the football. So at the last second, Brother K decided that he’s not going to try to catch this football, and he tried to bail by jumping out of the way. However, the football was coming down so fast at this point that Brother K simply could not get out of the way fast enough, resulting in the football hitting the chest of Brother K with frightening power, knocking the wind out of Brother K’s lungs. And he was falling, Brother K sprained both of his ankles.

The next day, when asked how he sprained both of his ankles, Brother K simply replied, “Football.”

English Patient: Embrace

submitted by Robert Kim

Brother JC: "All right guys, let's have a serious D-house meeting. Embrace yourselves"

[At this point, a bunch of guys started to wrap their arms around themselves]

Boys vs. Girls 2

submitted by maurice

Setting: A father was babysitting his son and a friend's daughter who were both 3 years old.

Father: Hey, what are you playing?

Little girl: Oh, we're playing house and I'm pretending to cook a yummy food for us. It's really fun!

Father: Son, are you having fun too?

Son: (pause) RARRRH!!

Boys vs. Girls

submitted by maurice

Setting: A certain brother was driving with his 3 year-old son, and his friend's daughter, also 3 years old, in the back seat. This brother's wife was on a summer mission trip, as was the little girl's dad.

Father: Do you know where your daddy is?

Little Girl: Yes, he's in China right now, teaching people about God.

Father: Wow, that's nice. Hey son, do you know where your mommy is?

Son: (pause) Look, Daddy, a train!!!

English Patient Joyland Teacher

Setting: Mark and Naomi's son, Daniel, came home from Joyland one week singing the hymn, "Great Is My Faithfulness".

Parents: What did you say, Daniel?

Daniel: Great is My Faithfulness.

Parents: No, no, the real words are Great is "Thy" Faithfulness.

Daniel: No, it's "My" Faithfulness. Teacher JN said so.

English Patient: Catch

Friend: That doesn’t make sense. In order for someone to get into that good tutoring program, you need to do well on that test, but the reason why people want to get into a good tutoring program is so that you can do well on the test!

Sister C: Oh my gosh, that’s catch-33!

Swine Flu: H1N1 Virus

Friend: It’s so scary… Swine flu is spreading.

Sister X: Hey, I heard that there’s another virus going around, that’s even scarier.

Friend: Really? What?

Sister X: Hini virus.

Friend: (pause) Hini virus?

Sister X: Yeah. Hini.

American Alphabet

Brother T, in arguing for the superiority of the Chinese culture, said:

"In Chinese, everything is just more complex. The common Chinese person has to learn hundreds and thousands of characters to just read and write! In English, you only have 27 letters!"

Martin Luther King Juniorheim

On the way to North Loop, Sister Chris is rehearsing her presentation on Martin Luther, the prominent figure of the Protestant Reformation. Sitting next to her in the car, an unnamed sister looks very confused and says, "I didn't know Martin Luther King Jr. was German!"



Hurting: Eyebrow

Many years ago, Richard and I were invited to a junior-high youth retreat to give a short entertaining presentation on a passage from the Bible. So we drove together to Alliance Redwoods retreat site, and we were prepping our props in the back of the sanctuary.

I had brought with me a bag of costumes and props, such as mustaches, nerdy glasses, gray sweats for Hans and Franz, etc.. One of the staple props that I brought was a roll of black electric tape, because they can easily be used to make mustaches.

As we were messing around with the props in the back, Richard proceeded to take 2 pieces of the black tape and put it on his eyebrows. Then he moved his eyebrows with funny facial expressions, hilariously causing his eyebrow movements to be accentuated by the tape. We snickered in the back.

As I was laughing, I told him, "Hey Richard, be careful when you take it off, or you will rip your eyebrows off."

I don't know why Richard thought that I was joking. I was quite serious -- although I was laughing. I knew that eyebrows come off easily, but it seemed like Richard didn't know that...

With a mocking look on his face, he said, "You mean like this?" and he pressed the tape on to his eyebrows harder, as if to mock my warning.

Then before I could warn him and tell him that I was serious, he took a hold of one end of the black tape, and then quickly ripped off the tape. As it came off, it made a frightening "riiiiiiipp!" sound, and we both immediately looked down at the sticky side of the tape... where we found half of Richard's left eyebrow, perfectly preserved on the tape.

Richard held his hand over where his eyebrow used to be, and he ran into the bathroom to see what the damage was. I wanted to follow him to the bathroom to console him, but I couldn't move from that spot, because I was on the floor, barely surviving because I was running out of breath from laughing.

Love and Marriage: Lemon

This is a story of a particular brother D and his wife S.

This true story happened when I met S’s parents for the first time while we were dating. Being an important meeting, I had reserved a nice table at Skate’s Restaurant. I met Mr. and Mrs. Choo for the first time, exchanged greetings, and chatted while waiting for our meals to arrive. Of course, I’m trying hard to make a good impression, so I’m trying to appear very mature and responsible.

When the food came out, we prayed, and then S proceeded to grab the lemon slice and squeeze it onto her seafood plate. I have no idea how this happened, but a very strong stream of lemon juice shot out from her lemon right into my right eyeball. I mean, I was wearing glasses, and she was sitting next to me.. So the margin of error was quite small – the juice had to come in between my face and my glasses, and it had to have the right angle to get into my eye. But it somehow did, and I immediately started to tear up. It was quite painful. I immediately stopped talking, because all of my attention was now devoted to trying not to cry out of my right eye, but it couldn’t be helped. I was trying to make a good impression on S’s parents, but how could I, when I had 2ml of lemon juice in my right eyeball?

I tried to just seem normal, but my right eyelid started to involuntarily flutter as I tried hard to keep my eyes open. At that point, I had basically two choices: 1) continue pretending like everything is normal, which was a difficult task, given that streams of tears were flowing out of one eye, or 2) just be truthful. And I just chose to do the right thing and be truthful, since I couldn’t hide it anyway.

“Ooowwww! You squeezed lemon juice right into my eyeball!” I said, as I took off my glasses and wiped my eye with the napkin repeatedly. I wasn't being overly dramatic. I was just telling it like it is.

I noticed that the table had suddenly turned. I was no longer in the position of weakness; now S was feeling mighty awkward in front of her own parents, trying desperately to get her bearings. Her parents were no longer looking at me; they were now focused on S, wondering how she would respond. She looked quite confused and disoriented by the whole experience, but I knew that deep down, she thought that it was really funny.

That experience taught me that it’s always good to tell the plain truth, because trying to cover up a lie is painful -- like lemon juice in your eyeball.

Moving Boxes

  Setting : A Slack message goes out regarding moving boxes -- "For the smaller boxes, let's try to fit them into our trunks of car...