12/29/13

English Patient: Leaning Tower of Pisa

Setting: English Patient Sister M from Gracepoint Davis is setting up her Christmas tree...

Sister M: Oh no, the tree is tilting like the Leaning Eiffel tower! 


12/17/13

English Patient: Chinese Nuns

Brother D: Hey, did you know that 50% of all the nuns in China are originally Japanese nuns?

Friend: Nuns?  Like in convents?

Brother D: No, I mean nuns, like words.

Friend: You mean nouns?

Brother D: [silence]

12/11/13

Gracepoint Weddings: A Child's Perspective

Setting: After a wedding service, a 6-year-old child asks his parents...

Child J: So.. when 2 people get married, they stand in front of everybody, and after the pastor makes fun of them, we all go eat food?

12/3/13

English Patient Confrontation

For English Patients, even an uncomfortable confrontation by a friend can turn out to be a wonderful gift.

Irritated Friend: "I have some beef with you."


Sister H: "Oh wow! You have something to give me?"

11/27/13

Baptistry Take-Down

Setting: After a baptism service, Deacon Brother M texts all the brothers who are in the take-down crew...

"After this, we need your help to take down the baptist."

NOTE: Pastor Ed walked away safely from the baptism service, unaware of this plot.  I guess NSA surveillance does stop some attacks.

11/23/13

English Patient: Mother of All Potlucks

Ahmi: Hi everyone, we're going to have the mother of all potlucks for this coming Thanksgiving Retreat!

English Patient Sister P: Even though I'm not a mother yet, I would like to bring something for the potluck.

11/13/13

English Patient Opera

Setting: Someone was singing a rendition of a song from the musical Les Miserables...


Sister H: Wow! She is singing an Oprah!

11/5/13

English Patient: Dr. Phil

Setting: A group is playing Pictionary at a board game night.

Brother D: This is a soda that is dark colored!

Brother W: Coca Cola! Pepsi! Dr. Pepper!

Brother D: You are so close! It's like an off-brand of the one you just mentioned!

Brother B: Mr. Pibb?

(The timer runs out.)


Brother D: You guys were so close! It was Dr. Phil!

10/29/13

English Patient: Ambidextrous

Setting: Some brothers are working at Longhorn Lodge. Brother C switches off using a hammer from his right hand to his left hand.


Brother W (sounding impressed): Wow!  You're an amphibian?!

10/21/13

Abra Cadabra

Setting: A group is playing Catchphrase at a Koinonia board game night.

Friend: This is what a magician says as he waves his magic wand!


Brother D: HAKUNA MATATA!

10/17/13

No Frills Bible Study

Gracepoint San Diego was trying to let students know of the new Wednesday Bible Study as a "no-frills" Bible study, and this was what a particular brother put up.  Read the first sentence.


10/11/13

English Patient: Sickness Types

Setting: An English Patient Brother K is sniffling in the morning...

Friend: Hey Brother K, are you okay?

Brother K: Yeah, I have morning sickness.

10/5/13

Government Shutdown Article

This is a clip from an actual article from an online news "Billings Gazette"
Edwin was with his family in Montana this week, and he made it into the local news.


10/3/13

Famous Japanese People

Setting: A bunch of people of Gracepoint Austin are talking about prominent Japanese people and Japanese culture.

Korean Sister S: When I think of Japanese, I think of Jackie Chan.

9/27/13

Handsome Guys of Hsinchu

Setting: A group of 10 brothers are riding an elevator in a department store. It stops on a floor and a middle-aged couple walks in.

Wife: (In Chinese) "wow, 都是帥哥 (a bunch of handsome young guys)."

Brother L: "oh yeah, thanks!"

Husband: Oh honey, could you press the button for the third floor?

Wife: [after squinting at the buttons for a few seconds]  sorry, which one is it?  I can't really see...  I didn't bring my glasses.

[..silence for the rest of the elevator ride]

9/23/13

Difficult English Descriptions

Setting: An email conversation among a household of sisters that went something like this...
English Patient Sister B: Let's do a deep clean of the house!  Every book and cranny!
Healthy English Friend: Ha ha!  Yeah, let's clean every book and page in the house!  :)
English Patient Sister E: (replying to Sister B privately, to help her out)  It's every "crack and cranny", I think.

9/19/13

Label Makers

Here's a picture of a label that was printed out and attached.

Gracepoint Davis labels















A bunch of people at Gracepoint Davis were laughing at this picture.  Brother B stares intensely into the picture and asks, "What's wrong with this picture?"

NOTE: Whenever we see a restaurant menu with really bad spelling (such as China Village's "Pork Dumping" menu item), we have wondered why the restaurant owners wouldn't first check their spelling before actually printing it out and laminating it.  But now we know how such a thing would happen.  They DID check with someone.  It's just that that someone was the wrong someone.

9/17/13

Dangers of Chopsticks

Here's an actual sign posted at a Vietnamese restaurant.


9/13/13

English Patient: How Would You Like Your Eggs?

Waitress: How would you like your eggs?

Sister M: Cooked.

Waitress: Oh, I meant, would you like it scrambled? sunny-side up?

Sister M: Sorry!  ha ha..  I want it scrambled.

Waitress: (Turning to Sister C sitting at the same table) How would you like your eggs?

Sister C: Well done.

9/3/13

Keeping English Patients Anonymous

Here's a photo of a speed scrabble game.  This inspiring piece was the work of a particular Sister Y of Gracepoint Berkeley, who will remain anonymous.




8/31/13

Target Neutralized

Sister E: What?  You thought I wasn't a citizen of America?  I was neutralized in middle school!

8/27/13

English Patient: Skyscrapers

Setting: As Brother P was driving down to Southern California with a carload of guys, he decides that he'll be a tour guide to those who have never been down to So Cal.

Brother P: "We will soon be approaching downtown LA, and you will see sky scraps."

8/23/13

A Child-Sized Burrito

During one of the trips, Peter of Gracepoint Berkeley ran into a burrito shop in Seattle that gives new meaning to the phrase "child-sized".  This is reminiscent of a previous post about a child-sized food item.


8/19/13

11/2 miles

During a hiking trip to Summit Lake, Sister K looks at the hiking trail sign (shown below) and says, "What is eleven slash two miles?  What does that even mean?"

Note: The sign IS confusing in terms of font size and spacing.  So I understand, Sister K.


8/17/13

English Patient Debut

Brother W: Hey, we got a new soundboard!  Awesome!  When are we going to de-butt it?

8/15/13

Why English Patients Shouldn't Right Signs


I am not sure if the second sign is written by the same person, as a correction to the first sign.  I guess we shouldn't eat the food, because it's for our New Student Welcome Student.

8/13/13

Yo-Yo Ma the Comedian

Many students of Gracepoint Davis were excitedly talking about the upcoming concert where the world-famous cellist Yo-Yo Ma would be playing.
Suddenly, one of the students exclaim, "Wait, he's a musician?  I thought he was a comedian!  Why is his name Yo Mama?"

8/7/13

Understanding Children

Setting: Some Austin staff and their children are hanging out..

Emily (10 months old): da da da da.

Brother DL: Hey Chloe (2.5 years old), what is Emily trying to say?

Chloe: (looks at her dad with a flat look)  She is saying, "da da da da."

8/5/13

Disgusting Thought


While talking about milk, Sister T proclaims: 

"Sometimes I forget milk comes from cows! ...  Oh my gosh, is milk their pee?"

8/3/13

Diapers

Setting: Brother E go out to buy diapers for Baby L, and this is what they came back with.  One could buy the excuse that he doesn't understand Chinese, but notice the English translation as the universally understandable picture.


7/31/13

Malpractice Luggage

Sister L: I heard about this one woman who was diagnosed with cancer and had her leg amputated. Some time later, they realized they had mixed her up with another patient and she didn't have cancer after all! 

Brother P: OH MAN. That's a million-dollar suitcase! 

(People start laughing.)

Brother P: [thinking he must have mispronounced the word, tries in vain various pronunciations] What? SOOS-case? SOOOOOT-case?

7/23/13

Holding Down Something

Setting: People are playing Nerf Gun Wars, where the object of the game is to knock down each other's jenga tower forts.

In the midst of an intense battle, a particular English Patient of Gracepoint Davis shouts out, "Hold the fart!!"

7/18/13

Pastor Manny: Poll Closed

The poll has closed, and the results are in.
Pastor Manny of Gracepoint LA is most likely to root for UCLA.
I disagree, but the people have spoken.

7/11/13

English Patient: Verb Tense


Brother Y: He teared it.

Friend: You mean he tore it?

Brother Y: [thinks] ...yeeeah, he tored it.

7/9/13

Gracepoint Summer Rally

This was the sign that Pastor Ed of Gracepoint Berkeley saw, which caused him to pause for a moment during our Gracepoint Summer Rally.

7/2/13

Poll: Gracepoint Los Angeles or Austin or Berkeley?

There is a deep mystery surrounding Pastor Manny of Gracepoint Los Angeles.

  • He is deeply connected to Berkeley, for that is where he spent his college years and beyond, ministering to many college students.
  • He is deeply connected to Austin, for that is where he ministered for the past 5 years (and the student body has a deep conviction regarding football, and they bleed burnt orange)
  • He is deeply connected to UCLA, for that is where he was born, where he took his first steps.  It was also in LA where he learned to be a sports fan.  This is also where he is planting the next Gracepoint church.
Now the question is: if Cal, Austin and UCLA were in the playoffs, which team would Pastor Manny Kim cheer for?

Please comment with your thoughts and reasons, then vote on the right.

6/27/13

The Communist Party

Setting: At a graduation, Brother D's parents (who are Communist officials from China) are there...

Sister B: Wow, your parents are real Communists?

Brother D: [turns to his parents to translate, then turns back toward Sister B]  My parents want to know if you want to join the Party.

Sister B: What party? I didn't know there was a party!

6/23/13

Speaking of the Tiger Part 2


Friend: So there's "Sister G" and when the subject of conversation walked into the room, she says "Speak of the tiger..." 

[laughter]

Brother W: Oh!  I get it!  I figured out why Sister G said "Speak of the tiger"

Friend: Yeah?

Brother W:  It's because in China, tigers are related to dragons!

Friend: ...but the saying is "Speak of the devil"

Brother W:  Um, yeah, okay, just scramble that.

Friend: Did you just say "scramble that?"

Brother W: Oh no...!!... Why??...

Friend: Let's just say this conversation has multiple problems.

6/21/13

Encouraging Word


As Sister E walks away into the terminal, Sister H, out of a desire to encourage her in the language of the country she will be serving in, screams out "Jai-ho!!"

6/17/13

Old Video: Pastor Manny of Gracepoint Los Angeles

This is one of the very first posts of Disgracepoint, featuring Pastor Manny, who is soon to plant our Gracepoint Los Angeles church on the UCLA campus.

http://www.disgracepointonline.org/2008/10/to-feel-young-again.html

Although the video is old (from 2007), the statements made in the video still prove to be true, perhaps even more so now than ever.

6/13/13

Star Wars


Setting: During babysitting the kids are playing Star Wars and excitedly tell us which character they are.

Kid 1: "I'm Obi-wan!"
Kid 2: "  I'm Obi-two!!! "

6/9/13

Mind of a Child


Daughter E was looking at her parents' wedding pictures

Daughter E: Daddy, your wedding was so nice!  How come I wasn't invited?

Dad: You were not born yet

Daughter E: huh?

Dad: You did not exist

Daughter E: (thinking for a bit) Was I at babysitting?

6/5/13

Gross Recipe


Friend: Do you remember that time in Cambodia where they cooked the boar on a spit?

Sister Y: Oh sick! They cooked it in spit?

5/29/13

English Patient: Mean Interview


Setting: Before HsinChu's English Club

Brother B: Today we will be doing a mock interview

Brother Y: What??  We're mocking them?!

5/21/13

Devastating Bible Study

Pastor William of our Gracepoint Davis is the one in the front middle.

That Bible study must have been something else.


5/17/13

Videotaping Can Be Deadly

Setting: During one of the filming sessions...


5/9/13

Gluten-Free

Setting: At a potluck dinner...

Brother H: Hey!  The food on this table says glutton free!  What does that mean?

5/5/13

Favorite Book

Setting: A group of sisters are sitting around talking about their all-time favorite novels.

Sister X: Oh!  I really liked "To Kill a Hummingbird".

5/1/13

Answering Tough Questions


Setting: During a game in Austin...

Q1: Who is the villain in lord of the rings?

Sister L: Voldemort!

Q2: what is the name of Italian bread?
Sister L: French bread!

4/27/13

Tasty Christmas

Here's an invitation to our Joyland Christmas Celebration.


4/23/13

English Patient: Moving Headaches


Friend: For the past two days, I've had this really bad headache.
Sister J: Oh no, it is migration?

4/21/13

Training

Friend: Which workshop are you taking for Winter Retreat?

Sister E: I'm taking Art of Violence!

(Background: There were workshops called "Art of Reflection:" and "Miracles and Violence in the OT")

4/19/13

Unknown Scores


Friend 1: Wow he got 176 on the LSAT?

Friend 2: Yea he beat Brother J by 1 point!

Brother M: Oh really?  So what did Brother J get?

4/17/13

Two English Patients Insulting Each Other


Sister J makes an English Patient mistake...

Sister L: Ha ha ha!  You made a mistake!  You are so farby!

4/13/13

Good Kleenex

Brother Y submits his testimony to be read at a discipleship retreat...

"I grew up as a goody tissue."

4/10/13

Directions for a Relay Game

This was the actual directions written for a relay game to be played during one of our game nights:

4 teams line up, with each team starting at the 4 corners of a circle.
The objective of the game is to catch the team in front of you.

1/16/13

English Patient Hobbit

Sister C: When I was trying to play volleyball around all those tall people, I felt like a Fobbit!