Red Meat

Sister D: Are you okay? How come you're not eating your steak?

Sister T: Oh, it's okay.. I don't eat red meat.

Sister D: But... steak is brown.

English Patient: Evangelism

Friend: "You know, we should do more outreach activities or something. This campus is so big, And there's so many other people that we can reach with the gospel."

English Patient Y: "Yeah, I feel excited about vandalizing this campus."

Poor Brother A: Playing House

This is the story from the past of brother A and his older sister L, who are among us.

One day, a bunch of girls came over to their house, and sister L was playing house with them. After a few minutes, brother A came out to the living room to their parents, crying.

"What's the matter?" said Mrs. Tung.

"She's playing house with her friends, and she won't let me play!" cried brother A.

Mrs. Tung went over to L's room where the girls were playing, and said, "Look, you let your younger brother play with you, okay??"

"Okay," said sister L pleasantly, before welcoming brother A into her room. Brother A went into the room with a beaming smile, and their mother went back to the living room, satisfied.

After 30 minutes, Mrs. Tung decided to check up on them and went upstairs. To her surprise, she found brother A alone in the hallway on his knees and hands, in front of the closed door of his sister's room.. But he was not crying - he seemed happy.

"What are you doing?" asked Mrs. Tung.

Brother A smiled and said, "Oh, I'm the family guard dog."

English Patient: Favorite Praise Song

Friend: What is your favorite praise song?

English Patient: In-N-Out

Friend: .... Do you mean "Inside Out?"

English Patient: Heresy

Sister T: I would be afraid to teach the Bible, because I am afraid of teaching Pharisee.

Friend: What?

Sister T: Teach Pharisee

Friend: Do you mean heresy?

Sister T: Same thing.

Poor Brother A: Library

The following is a true story from the past of brother A and his older sister L who are among us today.

One day, sister L said: "Hey, I have an idea. Why don't we make our rooms into libraries? You can borrow my books, and I can borrow your books."

Hiding his initial excitement, brother A looked at his older sister suspiciously and asked, "Do I have to pay?"

"No silly, you can borrow library books for free!"

"Oh yeah! Let's do that, then!"

Brother A then proceeded to go over to his sister's room and borrowed a big stack of books. Sister L played the good librarian and jotted down which books were being borrowed and marked the date.

"These are due in 2 weeks," said sister L with a smile.

"All right!" said brother A excitedly, who immediately forgot about the books and didn't read a single one.

After 3 months, brother A remembered and tried to return the books, with a few missing books of course.

"There is a late fee and a lost book fee," said sister L, "and it'll be $20."

Brother A tried to argue, but sister L simply showed him that this is how libraries work, and that he can't argue against libraries.. So brother A paid, blowing his life savings that he had accrued since the last time he got ripped off.

Poor Brother A: Carnival

There is a particular brother A among us who has an older sister L, who is also among us. These are the stories from Brother A's past.

Brother A and Sister L's family went to Circus Circus one day, and after coming back, Sister L said, "Hey, why don't we make our rooms into a carnival game place?"

"Ohhh! That's a good idea!" said brother A.

"Yeah, you can make whatever carnival game you want in your room, and I will decorate my room with all these games, and then we can go to each others' room and play carnival games! With prizes and everything!" said sister L.

Excitedly, they went into their respective rooms and proceeded to move their toys to set up cups and targets. After about an hour of setup time, they were ready.

"Come to my carnival!" said brother A.

Sister L replied, "No, we take turns. You first come to my carnival, and then I will go to your carnival."

"Okay!" said brother A.

For the next 20 minutes, brother A gleefully played all the games in his older sister's room, winning a few pieces of candy while blowing his life-savings of $30.

"Now it's your turn!" said brother A.

"Sure!" sister L replied, walking over to her brother's room while pocketing the money earned.

Then she gave brother A one dollar, played one game and then said, "Your games are boring. I don't want to play anymore," and returned to her room.

For a moment, it occurred to brother A that he might have just been ripped off, but he looked at his room and thought, "Man, I should have made my games more fun."

English Patient: Claymation


Friend: Hey! Let's watch Miracle Maker movie!

English Patient: Oh, you mean that cremation?

English Patient Confessions

A certain brother D said during an a2f Gold Bible study:

"When I was growing up, I just stayed at home all the time. I was a home boy... Umm.. I mean a home body."

Love and Marriage: Fat-Free

Setting: Brother C goes over to the grocery store because his wife J asks him to get fat-free milk.. After some searching, brother C calls his wife and says:

"Umm... I've been looking, and I don't think they have any fat-free milk here. I only see non-fat milk. What should I do?"


"Hello? Are you there?"

English Patient Duo: Brother Y & W

The previously mentioned Brother Y & W were at a beach bonfire with all the staff one night and we started telling jokes to one another. After one particularly funny joke, everyone busted up laughing including Brother Y and Brother W.

As the laughter died down, Brother W whispered to Brother Y, "I don't get it..."

"Me neither," whispered Brother Y

A Conversation Between Two English Patients

Submitted by Chris Park

One of the mysteries within the class brothers of Chris Park is the fact that English Patient brother Y and English Patient brother W have been roommates for all 4 years of college. Since brother Y grew up in China and brother W grew up in Korea, the tragic comedy is that their only common language is English, which caused people to wonder how they communicated with each other.

The answer to this mystery turns out to be that they simply say things twice.

Brother Y: Hey how was your class?

Brother W: Huh??

Brother Y: H..o..w w...a...s y...o...u...r c...l...a...s...s?

Brother W: Oh! It was okay.

Brother Y: What??

Brother W: I...t w...a...s o...k...a...y!

Hurting: Automatic Windows

A few years back, I took on the task to deliver some publications to a pastor in San Francisco. Because of the nature of the material being delivered, I decided that I should dress up for this, and I decided to go all the way and wear a full suit and tie.

hard rainThere happened to be a storm front coming into the Bay Area during that time, so it was pouring hard. I'm talking about the kind of downpour where you could have your windshield wipers at the highest speed and still not get a clear view. But I had brought with me a trench coat and a big umbrella, so I was ready.

As I was passing through the Bay Bridge toll area in my Corolla, I was careful not to open the driver-side window until I was safely under the toll area awning, covering me from the violent downpour. I gave my toll fee to the attendant, and as I slowly moved forward, I pressed the "up" button on my car.

That's when I realized what my wife had forgotten to tell me. She forgot to tell me that this car had been experiencing problems with the driver-side window motor. It goes down just fine. But somehow, when you try to bring the window back up, the motor gets stuck and it takes a few minutes of struggling with the button to finally bring the window all the way up. Many times, the window simply refuses to respond for 10-20 minutes.

By the time I realized what was happening, I was already beyond the safety of the awning and rain was pouring into the car through the open window. And I am on the bridge. There's no place to hide. I have to keep moving, I can't even stop and get my trench coat out of the trunk. The hard downpour was hitting my face and going all over my lap. I tried to lean to the right as much as possible, but it was no use; even the water being splashed sideways from the adjacent cars passing by were coming into my car, hitting my face directly with significant force. If I passed by a big Mack truck, the water splashing from its tires would hit me so overwhelmingly that I had to breathe through my mouth to just stay alive - it was like swimming. Throughout the whole time, I kept on pressing the button repeatedly, hoping in vain that somehow the window would go up. I don't think I ever screamed alone for that long.

By the time I got to my destination, I had managed to get the window closed. But that was 15 minutes later. As I stepped out of the car, I looked at myself. I was completely soaked -- but only on my left side. My left pant leg was completely drenched, my suit's left arm was soaked, as was the left side of my face. I thought maybe I should just stay out without an umbrella and let my entire body soak in the rain. At least that way, I don't have to explain why in the world only my left side was soaked like that. But I thought better of it and just went into meet the pastor with my trench coat on, hoping that it would disguise the fact that I looked like I was baptized by immersion only on my left side.

I don't think he noticed. He just looked at me and commented, "It's raining pretty hard, huh?" I tried to see if there's any note of ridicule in his voice, but I didn't detect any. So I just said, "Yes, it's raining hard," and I just followed him to his office. But I realized that there's another problem. The more I walked around, the more all the water from my left side started to find its way down to my left pant leg and down to my left shoe. It was hard to disguise my condition when only my left shoe was dripping wet, leaving a one-footed footprint wherever I walked. We got to his office, I gave him the publication, and we chatted for a bit. I got out of there as quickly as possible, before the puddle forming around my left shoe got too big.

So the lesson of this story is that you need to make sure that your automatic windows work properly before you cross the bridge. I was thankful that there was no toll gate coming across the bridge from the other direction.

Gracepoint TC: Jesus Rocks

If there's one phrase that everyone seems to remember from 2008 TC, it is either "Vamos a la Gracepoint" or "Jesus rocks." It was amazing how our Gracepoint SF Chapel could keep a straight face throughout the 36 times that they sang "Jesus rocks". Having been a part of the audience at that time, I can tell you that at first, people thought it was hilarious that they were saying the same words over and over. But after the 10th time, the audience started looking around at each other in slight discomfort, and after the 20th time, people started to look down in embarrassment unable to look at their fellow brothers and sisters on stage, and then after the 30th time, it got funny again.

Moving Boxes

  Setting : A Slack message goes out regarding moving boxes -- "For the smaller boxes, let's try to fit them into our trunks of car...