Moving Boxes

 Setting: A Slack message goes out regarding moving boxes --

"For the smaller boxes, let's try to fit them into our trunks of cars that we're sending over.  If the drivers [car-moving truck drivers] point that out and try to charge us, we will take them out."

 Sister S: Oh wait!  He means the boxes!  I thought he meant take out the drivers!

Desk Construction Job

Submitted by Brother Roy -

This is a desk that a group of our bros constructed --

Roy, being a teacher of the Bible, had to take this opportunity to quote Scripture: "Do you best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who has no need to be ashamed"

Amen.  This picture preaches.

LBJ Library and Museum

Setting: A bunch of Californians visiting Austin Texas

Friend: Hey!  Maybe we should visit the LBJ Library and Museum!

Brother B: What?  LeBron James has a museum??

Texting Queen: Chickens or Ducks?

Another example of Sister S, our texting queen.

So.. after all that.. I am still left wondering... 

So are those Chick Kings or sucks?  I want to know.

Texting Patient: Rest Your Arms

Setting: There is a sister among us (whose identity has been thoroughly obscured) who is notorious for making spelling errors in texts.  She is said to make hilarious errors in about 30% of her texts.

Here's one - where my wife Sarah (who has pain in her arms) sent a text asking for prayers.

She meant "rest your arms", but I actually think that her solution of eating her arms would also resolve her arm pains.

English Patient: Decompressing

Brother J: I'm sure you all feel it.  Working life is pretty tiring.  I think we could all use a little time to decompose at the end of the day.

Brother S: Man... Ocean is scary.  Because nothing can survive in the ocean.

DIY goggles

Safety is Priority, even if it looks lame.

Baby Stuff

Brother J walks into the pantry looking to put away some bottle caps for ketchup/salad dressing dispensers.  And he asks: "Hey!  Where does the baby stuff go?"

English Patient: Gentrification

Friend: Did you hear how that Starbucks closed down because of gentrification?

Sister S: What?  Starbucks did gender profiling?

King Phineas

Setting: During a DT sharing in 1 Kings...  a Sister S gets to the part where it talks about King Phineas.

First time she comes across this name, she reads it as: "Pin-aye-has."  (a decent attempt)
Second time, she reads it as: "Peninas"
Third time, she reads it as: "Panini"

Gluttony-Free

We are doing our part to fight against sin.

Beautiful Sunset

Setting: Leaving Zion National Park

Brother J: Wow, the sun is so beautiful.  Did you know that it sets in the south here?

Scrapbook

Sister V writes an email asking people to submit their pictures for the scrapbook...
except..
She forgot to type the "s" in the front.

Special Order Boba Milk Tea

Setting: Brother M goes to a boba shop.

Brother M: can I order your boba milk tea?  but with no sugar.

Cashier: ok

Brother M: and can I get it without boba?

Cashier: ok

Brother M: and also without any tea?

Cashier: [silence]  so... you just want milk?

Brother M: yea

(brother M walks out having spent $4 on a cup of milk)

Amazing Mussels Dish

Setting: This is what was written by one of the brothers in potluck. 

Item that you will bring:  Dynamite Muscles

Acronyms Are Hard

Setting: Jr bros are sharing their camping experiences, and one brother talks about how he used to change inside his sleeping bag so no one could see.

Bro L: Dude!!  That's TFTI!

[silence]

Bro J: I think you mean TMI.

English Patient: Alumni

Sister S: Hi, are you international students?

2 girls: No, we graduated.  We are aluminum.

What A Sale!!!

Check out this amazing sale.  Like they say, a dollar saved is a dollar earned.

English Patient: Street Name

Setting: English Patient Brother E is signing up for a Spotify account, and he runs into the form item asking for "Street Name".

Brother E: Street name?  Hmm.... People just call me by the same name.  So for me, my street name is the same as my real name..

* Brother E puts down his name on the street name and presses "Submit"*