12/21/12

English Patient: Mocking

Setting: A group of students are sitting around talking about their favorite classic books.

Sister X: Oh, my favorite book is "To Kill a Hummingbird!"

12/18/12

Dangers of Vegetarianism

Sister I from Berkeley gives a passionate Bible study about the dangers of idleness and concludes her message by saying:

"So sisters, during the break, don't vegi out!"

9/7/12

Cramping My English

Sister A: "Hey man, why you gotta crank my style?"

9/1/12

Game of Cranium


Setting: A game of Cranium at Sierra Lodge

Sister Y: The question is: Who said this famous quote, "Work is the curse of the drinking classes"?
Sister A: I don't know...
Sister Y: The answer is Oscar Wilde. WAIT!!!! Isn't Oscar Wilde the guy who makes the sausages?
Sister A: Oscar Meyers?

8/31/12

Balding Tires


Setting: A group of brothers are checking the tires for their car for a long ride.

Brother S: [coming up from behind] Ooo, kind of balding in the back there, ey?

Brother G: [touching the back of his head]  Ah man, I know...

8/27/12

Swollen Thumb


Setting: Sister B is soaking her thumb in a bowl of ice water after getting a bug bite that made her finger swell.  Sister A comes home and is really concerned.

Sister A:  Oh my gosh!  You need to put your whole hand into the bowl!!
Sister B: Why?
Sister A: Because your whole hand is swollen!
Sister B: ...this is my normal hand size.  Only my thumb is swollen.
Sister A: [silence]

8/23/12

Ordering at a Restaurant


Setting: Sister K is ordering at a Mexican restaurant and reading off the ingredients on the menu.

Sister K: So this comes with... grilled chicken, fresh bell peppers, Habernero Sauce, Le Huce…? Excuse me, what’s Le Huce? Is that some kind of sauce?  Is it good?

Cashier (looks at the menu): You mean lettuce?

8/21/12

English Patient Chaos


Setting: A group of sisters are trying to decide what to do for the evening.

Sister E: Let's take a walk on the beach.

Friend: Nah.

Sister E: Who made you the perpetrator?

Friend: What?

Sister E: You know, the one who directs everything.  Like the SAT people.

Friend: You mean Procter?

Sister E: Yea!

Friend: That still doesn't make sense.  I'm going to buy you a dictionary.

8/15/12

Geography Patient

Setting: A group of sisters are looking at pictures.

Sister B: Oh, where is this?

Friend: That's the Sistine Chapel in Rome.

Sister B: Oh really?  Is that in Germany?

8/13/12

English Patient: Trilemma

Setting: A group of students are reviewing the contents of  Course 101.

Lifegroup Leader: Do you remember the whole issue of trying to determine the identity of Jesus, given that he claimed himself to be equal to God?

Group: Ummm..

Lifegroup Leader: You know, how he was either a liar, lunatic or lord?

English Patient Sister J: Oh yeah!  Jesus was trilingual!

8/9/12

Amazing Label

Setting: The junior sisters were assigned to organize the items for the Welcome Week.  And this is how one of the bins were labeled.

8/7/12

Dangerous Wrong Word Usage

As a bunch of sisters are walking back to their cars, one sister shouts out, "I got gunshot!!"
Other sisters tell her that it's actually "shotgun".

This reminds us of the old classic disgracepoint entry:
http://www.disgracepointonline.org/2008/06/english-lesson-importance-of-article.html


8/5/12

Helipad

Setting: 3 Gracepoint SD brothers are in Shanghi, looking at the view from one of the skyscrapers.

Friend: Wow, look -- so many helipads on top of buildings here!  That's where helicopters land.

Brother C: Yeah, but what does the letter "I" mean?


8/3/12

English Patient's Bible Study Notes

Here are some quotes from English Patient Brother D's Bible study notes...

"Samson prayed to God and destroyed the two pillows."

"Elijah was taken up to heaven by a cherry of fire."

8/1/12

English Patient: A Sad Feast

Setting: A bunch of Austin people are at Yosemite House, having just unloaded a lot of food.

Brother D: Oh man!  There's so much food here!  Let's have a fast!

Others: (awkward pause)

Friend: I think he meant "feast".

7/30/12

Too Many Eggs

Friend: Why did you bring over so many eggs?

Brother D: What?  I only have two legs!  What are you talking about?

6/9/12

The Great State

Setting: Playing a game where people were supposed to name different states in the U.S.

Sister E: Oh I got it!  The Empire State Building!

6/5/12

Obvious Truths

Sister M: Wow, I can't believe it's been a year since last year!  Can you believe that?

6/1/12

Candy

Sister S: Oh wow!!  Look at all those colorful candies!  What's the "E" supposed to stand for on these candies?


5/25/12

That's All Folks!

This picture says it all.

5/21/12

Jeff vs. Jet

Setting: During a time when Gracepoint Austin was visiting Berkeley...

Sunny: Sister S, can you call Jet Blue to confirm our flight?

Sister S: Sure.  I'll call.  (dials her phone)  Hi, do you know when the Austin group is leaving?  Oh, you don't know?  Okay.  (hangs up)  He doesn't know.

Sunny: Who did you just call?

Sister S: I called Jeff Liu like you told me.

5/17/12

Common Sense: Measurements

Sister L: Half a teaspoon plus half a teaspoon makes one tablespoon, right?

5/13/12

Hard Classes

Setting: Brother R, who is a post-doc in biochemistry in UCSF, talks to a student.

Brother R: Hey!  Long time no see!

Student: Oh man... it's been hard this semester.  I got some killer classes.

Brother R: What classes are you taking?

Student: Organic chemistry, physical chemistry, analytic chemistry, and Japanese.

Brother R: Oh man... that does sound really crazy.  Japanese is really hard.

5/10/12

English Patient: Salad

Setting: Food prep time

Friend: Hey, can you toss the salad for me?

English Patient: What?  It went bad already?

4/13/12

Member of Gracepoint

Setting: This was something that was said a while ago, but there was a Sister J who was accompanying her friend to an interview at Apple.

Friend: I wonder if we would see Steve Jobs there?

Sister J: Who's Steve Jobs?  Does he go to Gracepoint?


3/29/12

Traffic Ticket

Setting: Brother M was driving some people in SF and accidentally got on the wrong side of the road, and a police officer pulled him over.

Police: Do you know what you did wrong?

Brother M: Umm... I made a wrong turn and I was driving on the wrong side of the road.

(The police officer shines the light into the car and shines the light onto one of the friends)

Police: Can you tell your driver friend here which side of the road American drive on?

Friend 1: Ummm... Left??

Police: (pauses, then shines light on Friend 2) Can YOU tell us which side of the road Americans drive on?

Friend 2: Umm... Rrriiight??

Police: Is that a question??  (Turning to Brother M) Do you know how much this ticket is going to cost?

Brother M: I don't know.. a lot?

Police: At least 500.  Do you think you can afford that?  What do you do for a living?

Brother M: I'm a lawyer.

End of the story - the cop actually let them go with a warning at the end.  I think he might have just been amused.

3/27/12

English Patient: Star Wars Names

Our very own Brother Y was considering what he should change his name to if he gets an English name.  One of the conditions set forth by brother Y was that it must start with the letter "Y".

Brother A: Hey, why don't you choose Yoda?

Brother Y: Well, if I choose Yoda as my name, then we would have two Star Wars characters in our apartment, since one of the other brother's nickname is Skywalker.

Brother A: Hey, that's right!

Brother Y: We should just get a Star Wars character name for everyone else.  So who wants to be the Dark Waiter?

3/25/12

Lintelligence

Setting: Sisters are playing a trivia game.

Questioner: What position does Jeremy Lin play??

Sister A: Quarterback!!!

3/23/12

Typo in the Food List

Here's a picture of the list of food items.  Can you catch the typo?


3/21/12

Wallpaper

Sister L: Wow!!  That picture is so nice!  Can you send it to me so that I can use it as my wallflower for my phone?

3/19/12

3/15/12

If I were...


Setting: Discussion about a brother's small group activity.

Bro 1: And then after games, thought about making some ice-cream sundaes. What do you think?

Anonymous Pastor M: Yeah.  If I were a brother, I'd like that.

1/25/12

Photoshop Contest

Hello,

At Gracepoint SD, we had a 4-mile run during the summer of last year, and this was one of the pictures that were taken during a race.  We were saying that RY looks so awesome, except for the fact that this was during a race.

So here's a new category of disgracepoint challenge...
Can someone photoshop the background so that RY does look awesome?  The challenge is to change just the background to give a whole new meaning to this picture.

If you are getting rusty in your Photoshop skills, this might be a good thing to practice on.  Please send the submissions to daniel[dot]kim[at]gpmail[dot]org.  The original file for the picture is at: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/867411/Yen_Action_Hero.jpg



1/15/12

Gracepoint Kids: Argument


Child K: My daddy's the fattest person at our church!
Child M: Nooo-wuh! MY daddy's fatter!
Child K: Nooo! My daddy's so fat I can sit on his stomach!
Child M: Well, MY daddy's so fat I can BOUNCE on his stomach!
Child K: Nuh-uh!
Child M: Uh-huh! For reals!
Child K: Nuh-uh!

1/11/12

Resending an Email

Brother J resends an email and writes:
"I'm resenting this."

The recipient replies back:
"Why?  What did I do?"

1/9/12

Systematic Theology

Brother J: I am so excited about the Gracepoint Training School class!  I signed up for Systematic Apology!

1/5/12

Splitting Image

Friend: I just saw sister D's mom.  She looks so much like her mom.

Sister M: Yeah, I know.  But she looks so much like herself too.

Everyone: ??  What??

1/1/12

Happy New Year!

Happy new year, everyone!