Special Order Boba Milk Tea

Setting: Brother M goes to a boba shop.

Brother M: can I order your boba milk tea?  but with no sugar.

Cashier: ok

Brother M: and can I get it without boba?

Cashier: ok

Brother M: and also without any tea?

Cashier: [silence]  so... you just want milk?

Brother M: yea

(brother M walks out having spent $4 on a cup of milk)

English Patient: SUV

Sister A: I want to buy a non-American car.

Friend: You should get a Hyundai Sonata, then.

Sister A: Well, that's a sedan, and I was thinking about getting a USB.

Mad Taboo Skillz

Setting: A group of friends are playing Taboo, and the word was "Rodeo"

Brother J: Oh, that place where men sit on this animal, and the animal runs around everywhere, and the person tries not to fall off.

Brother W: What animal?

Brother J: The ones that are like cows.  They are strong.  The rider has to hold on very tight while the animal runs around everywhere!  The animal is trying to make the rider fall!

Brother W: I have no idea.

Brother J: [thinks for a moment]  The burger that all guys eat at Burger King.

Brother W: Rodeo.

Disgracepoint Classic: Pull My Finger

Setting: Brother T (who was at Gracepoint Berkeley Church when this happened, but he's now at Gracepoint San Diego) was playing sports and dislocated his index finger. He was rushed to the hospital where a triage nurse saw him.
  
Nurse: Okay, your finger is dislocated.. so I'm going to try to pull your finger back into place.

Brother T: Okay.. [sticks out his finger toward her]

[Nurse pulls, and brother T, blinded by the flash of pain that hit him, loses control and...]

Brrrrttttt!

Nurse: (immediately stops pulling the finger... pauses) Okay.. Let's try that again.

The above story demonstrates that sometimes "pull my finger" is no joke.

Childhood Expectations

While babysitting, Sister L hears Kid B saying, "Gosh, I wish my mom would write me notes on my lunch napkins."

Sister L asks Kid B where she got that idea, and Kid B says, "Well, sometimes my friends' moms write nice notes on their lunch napkins like 'I love you' and things like that."

Sister L tips this off to the child's mom, and Mommy G thinks it will be a cute surprise to write her notes on her lunch napkins.  So she writes her notes.

Next day, Mommy G asks her daughter, "So did you enjoy your lunch?"

Kid B says, "Mommy, can you never write me notes again?  I thought I would like it, but it was really embarrassing."

Biology Patient: Plant Food

Sister L: Man, I've been watering this every single day. Why are the leaves so flimsy looking?  Hey guys, what do you use for fertilizer? Maybe I should crush a vitamin pill for it.

Friends: Umm, plants don't need the same nutrients as humans.

Sister L: Hmmm.. Okay, how about juice?

Funny Names for Daughters

Brother Shih: When I grow up, I want to name my daughter Sue -- Sue Shih.

Everyone: [laughs] 

Brother Chi: When I grow up, I want to name my daughter Kim -- Kim Chi. 

Everyone: [laughs]

Brother Jang: When I grow up, I want to name my daughter Natasha.

Everyone: ...

Human Beings

Setting: A Joyland child talking to his teacher...

Teacher: Do you know why people are called "human beings"?

Child: We're called "human", because we are people.  And we're called "beans", because we grow, just like beans.

A New Song

Setting: At Gracepoint SD, Sarah emails Brother J, the ProPre guy, about the song selection for the prayer meeting time...

Sarah's email: 
Hi,
So far I have
Turn your eyes upon Jesus
Before the Throne of God Above
Boldly I Approach

And perhaps one more song.
Thank you.
-Sarah

Brother J's reply to Sarah's email
Hi Sarah,
I couldn't find the song "So Far I Have", could you find me the link to the lyrics?  Is this a new song?

Gracepoint Weddings: A Child's Perspective

Setting: After a wedding service, a 6-year-old child asks his parents...

Child J: So.. when 2 people get married, they stand in front of everybody, and after the pastor makes fun of them, we all go eat food?

Handsome Guys of Hsinchu

Setting: A group of 10 brothers are riding an elevator in a department store. It stops on a floor and a middle-aged couple walks in.

Wife: (In Chinese) "wow, 都是帥哥 (a bunch of handsome young guys)."

Brother L: "oh yeah, thanks!"

Husband: Oh honey, could you press the button for the third floor?

Wife: [after squinting at the buttons for a few seconds]  sorry, which one is it?  I can't really see...  I didn't bring my glasses.

[..silence for the rest of the elevator ride]

Understanding Children

Setting: Some Austin staff and their children are hanging out..

Emily (10 months old): da da da da.

Brother DL: Hey Chloe (2.5 years old), what is Emily trying to say?

Chloe: (looks at her dad with a flat look)  She is saying, "da da da da."

Mind of a Child

Daughter E was looking at her parents' wedding pictures

Daughter E: Daddy, your wedding was so nice!  How come I wasn't invited?

Dad: You were not born yet

Daughter E: huh?

Dad: You did not exist

Daughter E: (thinking for a bit) Was I at babysitting?

Swollen Thumb

Setting: Sister B is soaking her thumb in a bowl of ice water after getting a bug bite that made her finger swell.  Sister A comes home and is really concerned.

Sister A:  Oh my gosh!  You need to put your whole hand into the bowl!!
Sister B: Why?
Sister A: Because your whole hand is swollen!
Sister B: ...this is my normal hand size.  Only my thumb is swollen.
Sister A: [silence]

Hard Classes

Setting: Brother R, who is a post-doc in biochemistry in UCSF, talks to a student.

Brother R: Hey!  Long time no see!

Student: Oh man... it's been hard this semester.  I got some killer classes.

Brother R: What classes are you taking?

Student: Organic chemistry, physical chemistry, analytic chemistry, and Japanese.

Brother R: Oh man... that does sound really crazy.  Japanese is really hard.

Traffic Ticket

Setting: Brother M was driving some people in SF and accidentally got on the wrong side of the road, and a police officer pulled him over.

Police: Do you know what you did wrong?

Brother M: Umm... I made a wrong turn and I was driving on the wrong side of the road.

(The police officer shines the light into the car and shines the light onto one of the friends)

Police: Can you tell your driver friend here which side of the road American drive on?

Friend 1: Ummm... Left??

Police: (pauses, then shines light on Friend 2) Can YOU tell us which side of the road Americans drive on?

Friend 2: Umm... Rrriiight??

Police: Is that a question??  (Turning to Brother M) Do you know how much this ticket is going to cost?

Brother M: I don't know.. a lot?

Police: At least 500.  Do you think you can afford that?  What do you do for a living?

Brother M: I'm a lawyer.

End of the story - the cop actually let them go with a warning at the end.  I think he might have just been amused.

Sandra

Setting: Sandra calls an Indian restaurant to pre-order some Indian food.

Sandra: Hello?  Yes, I would like to order some hara bhara paratha, some pani poori, pav bhavi papad, and some dal makhani.

Restaurant: What is your name?

Sandra: Sandra.

Restaurant: Got it, it will be ready in 15 minutes.


The following receipt was what Sandra got.

I.D. Check

Setting: During Christmas 2010, Sister A and her friend is shopping at Safeway, and they get NyQuil, which requires an I.D. check.

Cashier: In order to buy this, I need something from you.

Friend: A credit card?

Cashier: No, something else.

Friend: A safeway card?

Cashier: Nope..

Sister A: (suddenly butting in) How about a "Merry Christmas"??

[silence]

Cashier: I need your I.D.

Sister A: [silently slips away into the background]

Outsmarting the Phone Companies

submitted by David Lee of Gracepoint Austin

Sister S:  Hey, I figured out a way to not get charged for incoming text messages.

Friend:  Really?  How?

Sister S:  My phone lets me preview the first few words of my messages, and if I get the gist of the message, I won't open it, and so I won't get charged!  Mwuahahaha!  That'll show them.

Friend:  Um, you get charged either way because it got sent to you.

Sister S:  Oh.

Friend In Need

Sister T is at the ARC (Davis's version of RSF) and has never been on a treadmill before but wants to try it out.  Sister M is running on the treadmill next to her.  Sister T stands on the treadmill and turns it on at full speed, thinking it can't be that fast--after all, a 25mph car ride seems so slow.  She flies off the treadmill.  Confused, she keeps trying to run back onto the treadmill to turn it off but she keeps falling off.  She even gets on her hands and knees, trying to climb back onto the treadmill but can't seem to do it.  Sister M has headphones on and is oblivious to the plight of Sister T right next to her.  Sister T gives up and taps on Sister M's shoulder who turns, reaches over, and presses the off button on Sister T's treadmill.