They say a picture is worth a thousand words, but in this case, this picture is worth one word: hurting.
There was one time when Brother K was just throwing a football around with Brother R, a good football player.
Then Brother K had a great idea and told Brother R, “Hey, you’re a kicker, right? Why don’t you kick the ball as high as you can to me?”
Brother R asked Brother K if he was sure, and K taunted him, “Come on, R, give it your best shot, come on!”
Then Brother R kicked the football high up into the air, higher than Brother K has ever seen any manmade object go. Brother K ran to the landing spot where he projected the football would come down, and as he waited there for the next few seconds, the football was still coming down, accelerating and picking up speed as it spun downward, downward, downward. Brother K, while watching the football coming down at an incredible speed approaching terminal velocity, realized that he could hurt himself if he tried to catch the football. So at the last second, Brother K decided that he’s not going to try to catch this football, and he tried to bail by jumping out of the way. However, the football was coming down so fast at this point that Brother K simply could not get out of the way fast enough, resulting in the football hitting the chest of Brother K with frightening power, knocking the wind out of Brother K’s lungs. And he was falling, Brother K sprained both of his ankles.
The next day, when asked how he sprained both of his ankles, Brother K simply replied, “Football.”
submitted by maurice
Setting: A father was babysitting his son and a friend's daughter who were both 3 years old.
Father: Hey, what are you playing?
Little girl: Oh, we're playing house and I'm pretending to cook a yummy food for us. It's really fun!
Father: Son, are you having fun too?
Son: (pause) RARRRH!!
submitted by maurice
Setting: A certain brother was driving with his 3 year-old son, and his friend's daughter, also 3 years old, in the back seat. This brother's wife was on a summer mission trip, as was the little girl's dad.
Father: Do you know where your daddy is?
Little Girl: Yes, he's in China right now, teaching people about God.
Father: Wow, that's nice. Hey son, do you know where your mommy is?
Son: (pause) Look, Daddy, a train!!!
Setting: Mark and Naomi's son, Daniel, came home from Joyland one week singing the hymn, "Great Is My Faithfulness".
Parents: What did you say, Daniel?
Daniel: Great is My Faithfulness.
Parents: No, no, the real words are Great is "Thy" Faithfulness.
Daniel: No, it's "My" Faithfulness. Teacher JN said so.
Friend: That doesn’t make sense. In order for someone to get into that good tutoring program, you need to do well on that test, but the reason why people want to get into a good tutoring program is so that you can do well on the test!
Sister C: Oh my gosh, that’s catch-33!
Brother T, in arguing for the superiority of the Chinese culture, said:
"In Chinese, everything is just more complex. The common Chinese person has to learn hundreds and thousands of characters to just read and write! In English, you only have 27 letters!"
On the way to North Loop, Sister Chris is rehearsing her presentation on Martin Luther, the prominent figure of the Protestant Reformation. Sitting next to her in the car, an unnamed sister looks very confused and says, "I didn't know Martin Luther King Jr. was German!"
I had brought with me a bag of costumes and props, such as mustaches, nerdy glasses, gray sweats for Hans and Franz, etc.. One of the staple props that I brought was a roll of black electric tape, because they can easily be used to make mustaches.
As we were messing around with the props in the back, Richard proceeded to take 2 pieces of the black tape and put it on his eyebrows. Then he moved his eyebrows with funny facial expressions, hilariously causing his eyebrow movements to be accentuated by the tape. We snickered in the back.
As I was laughing, I told him, "Hey Richard, be careful when you take it off, or you will rip your eyebrows off."
I don't know why Richard thought that I was joking. I was quite serious -- although I was laughing. I knew that eyebrows come off easily, but it seemed like Richard didn't know that...
With a mocking look on his face, he said, "You mean like this?" and he pressed the tape on to his eyebrows harder, as if to mock my warning.
Then before I could warn him and tell him that I was serious, he took a hold of one end of the black tape, and then quickly ripped off the tape. As it came off, it made a frightening "riiiiiiipp!" sound, and we both immediately looked down at the sticky side of the tape... where we found half of Richard's left eyebrow, perfectly preserved on the tape.
Richard held his hand over where his eyebrow used to be, and he ran into the bathroom to see what the damage was. I wanted to follow him to the bathroom to console him, but I couldn't move from that spot, because I was on the floor, barely surviving because I was running out of breath from laughing.
This is a story of a particular brother D and his wife S.
This true story happened when I met S’s parents for the first time while we were dating. Being an important meeting, I had reserved a nice table at Skate’s Restaurant. I met Mr. and Mrs. Choo for the first time, exchanged greetings, and chatted while waiting for our meals to arrive. Of course, I’m trying hard to make a good impression, so I’m trying to appear very mature and responsible.
When the food came out, we prayed, and then S proceeded to grab the lemon slice and squeeze it onto her seafood plate. I have no idea how this happened, but a very strong stream of lemon juice shot out from her lemon right into my right eyeball. I mean, I was wearing glasses, and she was sitting next to me.. So the margin of error was quite small – the juice had to come in between my face and my glasses, and it had to have the right angle to get into my eye. But it somehow did, and I immediately started to tear up. It was quite painful. I immediately stopped talking, because all of my attention was now devoted to trying not to cry out of my right eye, but it couldn’t be helped. I was trying to make a good impression on S’s parents, but how could I, when I had 2ml of lemon juice in my right eyeball?
I tried to just seem normal, but my right eyelid started to involuntarily flutter as I tried hard to keep my eyes open. At that point, I had basically two choices: 1) continue pretending like everything is normal, which was a difficult task, given that streams of tears were flowing out of one eye, or 2) just be truthful. And I just chose to do the right thing and be truthful, since I couldn’t hide it anyway.
“Ooowwww! You squeezed lemon juice right into my eyeball!” I said, as I took off my glasses and wiped my eye with the napkin repeatedly. I wasn't being overly dramatic. I was just telling it like it is.
I noticed that the table had suddenly turned. I was no longer in the position of weakness; now S was feeling mighty awkward in front of her own parents, trying desperately to get her bearings. Her parents were no longer looking at me; they were now focused on S, wondering how she would respond. She looked quite confused and disoriented by the whole experience, but I knew that deep down, she thought that it was really funny.
That experience taught me that it’s always good to tell the plain truth, because trying to cover up a lie is painful -- like lemon juice in your eyeball.
I can tell you mockers out there that if we were to have this competition today, I can out-hammer Pastor Ed any time...
And if some might point out that it's because Pastor Ed now has carpel tunnel on his wrists, I would answer, "And your point is?..."
submitted by Laura Woods
Sister A: Hi Laura, can you buy the USDA sirloin? It’s on sale for $3.47 per pound. Buy that one… 20 pounds of it.
Laura: Okay, I’ll do that. Sister J, let’s go to the grocery store together. Remember, USDA, 3.47.. 20 pounds.
Sister J: Got it.
[They arrive at the grocery store]
Sister J: Excuse me. Do you have any USDA 347?
Man: Umm… we have tri-tip, sirloin…
Sister J: No, we want USDA 347.
Sister C from Gracepoint Davis was looking for her car keys, and said to everyone,
“Okay, everyone! Peel your eyes!”
Disclaimer: The real slang is “to keep your eyes peeled”.. I know that many English Patients out there might object to this saying, “What is the difference?” After all, “keeping your eyes peeled” is practically the same as “peel your eyes.” And I must admit that the difference between the two phrases is quite nuanced, which makes it pretty difficult to explain why “peel your eyes” is funny. If I were pressed for an explanation, I would say that one is in the passive voice and the other is in the active, imperative voice. Don’t ask me, all you frustrated and confused English Patients, why that should suddenly make this phrase funny. It just does.
I recently heard of a brother who said, "Hey guys! Let's do DT on Ramen together!"
During a hangout time at NL, Brother E and Brother K bumped into each other…
Brother E: Hey! We haven’t played basketball in a long time, we need to play!
Brother K: Oh, sure! I’m down to play anytime!
E: You better watch out though. I’m ranking myself in the Top 5.
K: Oh?! Top 5?! What do you mean? Of your peer class?
E: No.. of this church!
K: Wow.. what do you mean? Like Top 5 at the point guard position?
E: No.. Top 5 in overall raw talent! I’m pretty much playing the best basketball of my life right now.
K: Oh wow…that’s quite a statement… what happens if someone plays you and beats you? Does that mean you’re not in the Top 5?
E: No… that just means he’s top 5 as well! If he can beat me, he deserves to be in the top 5!
K: (in disbelief) Wow, you must be really, really good.
About a month later, after morning prayer band at NL where most people left and just a few brothers hanging out in the foyer…
E: HEY, We need to settle this right now. I’m playing the best basketball of my life right now and I can’t waste my top 5 talent!
K: What? Right now? I don’t’ know if I’m ready…
E: Let’s go! I’m tired of you making excuses! We need to play one on one right now!
Brother E and Brother K played 1 on 1. After E shot the ball for takeout and missed, Brother E never regained possession of the ball as he fell quickly 7-0. It was a fast though agonizing game due to the lopsided score for Brother E, but Brother E could not accept his defeat. Convinced that the outcome was a fluke, E demanded to play a best of 3 series to prove his claim as “Top 5 of Gracepoint”.. In a lose-lose situation of not wanting to completely destroy Brother E’s self-esteem and also fearing the possibility of losing to E, K reluctantly agreed to play another game of 1 on 1. The game ended with the exact same score, 7-0, and not in the favor of Brother E.
K: Um… (Awkwardly) good game..
EC: Just letting you know, if I had beaten you, I wouldn’t tell anyone about it.
While doing a writing conference with her students, she noticed that one student repeatedly used the word "It" in his essay about playing tag with his mom.
A paraphrased excerpt: "When I was playing tag with my mom, I was it."
Ms. L: Remember, how we talked about descriptive language?
Student: Uh-huh, yes.
Ms. L: So...what is "It" here? And here, and here?
Student: Ms. L, it's "it." You know? It's just "it."
Ms. L: Yes, you've used "it" a lot. What is "it"? From what you've written here, I don't understand what "it" is. Let's try to be more descriptive, ok?
Ms. L: What you've written is great so far, but I'd like you to go back to your desk and think a little bit more about what "it" is so that you can make your language more descriptive, ok?
Student: (still confused, returns to seat...)
Epilogue: A few weeks later, while on yard duty, Ms. L heard a bunch of students playing tag during recess. She finally understood what "it" is.
Please provide a caption for this picture taken at a Sunday Worship Service at Gracepoint Berkeley. Note: I heard that Sue, the wife/mother of the 3 brothers featured here, was the one who picked out the clothes for the men of the house that morning.
John: Hey, what did y'all think of those longhorn cattle?
Judge: There were so few cows, it was unbullievable..
Note by the moderator of disgracepoint: I am not sure if Judge was ever into puns while he was in Berkeley.. From what I heard, I heard that Judge was never into puns in Berkeley.
I know that we were staying away from puns for a while, but I thought I should post this one, because this incident illustrates a different point.. the fact that the puns of Gracepoint Austin seems to have a contagious quality -- like the Plague.
Student 1: Ms. K, can you explain how few, several, and couple are different?
Ms. K: Sure. It's kind of tricky, but let's see. "Couple" has to do with two. "Few" and "Several" are usually more than two, but not too many. See what I mean by tricky?
Student 1: Oh, I get it. That's why when I go to Jack in the Box and order two drinks, the lady asks me, "Do you want a couple-der with that?"
Sarah: Sister Y, I heard that you didn’t apply for US citizenship yet! Is it because you’re pro-Chinese?
Sister Y: No, it has nothing to do with that.
Sarah: Well, it’s true that China is going to be the next superpower.
Sister Y: But they will never take over the world.
Sarah: Why not?
Sister Y: Because they don’t have the power of God.
Sarah: But if they did have the power of God, then they will take over the world?
Sister Y: Yeah, that’s why we have to send more missionaries to China.
Setting: At a2f’s last Yosemite trip, sister Y (mainland Chinese) and brother J (Taiwanese) were arguing about China vs. Taiwan.
Sister Y: Taiwan is just China. It’s a part of China.
Brother J: No, China is Taiwan. Taiwan is the real China.
Sister Y: What? Taiwan is just a part of China!
Brother J: Well, you guys in China got help from Russia, evil Stalin.
Sister Y: Oh yeah? You guys got help from the United States, those capitalists.
(By the way, this happened during our 4th of July outing)
p.s.: Phil is actually a very good guitar player. These instances are situations where something went horribly awry.. but I guess that is obvious.
Setting: A 4-year old child, J, was talking to her dad on Sunday afternoon about why she still had the money he gave her as her offering money.
Dad: How come you still have the money?
J: Because I didn’t give offering.
Dad: Why not?
J: Because… the offering bag was full.
Michelle kept on saying, "I'm tired... I'm so tired."
So Sarah told her, "Michelle, stop saying that. If you keep saying that, you are going to feel more tired."
Michelle then said, "I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired!"
Sarah raised her voice and sternly said, "Michelle! I told you not to say that! Why are you saying it even more?"
Michelle replied, "But I want to get more tired, so that I can go to sleep."
Setting: A particular Sister S from Gracepoint Austin used to work at a place where she had to make a lot of phone calls. Once, when Sister S was making a phone call, she got an answering machine, and this is what she said:
“Hi, this is S. Just wanted to remind you that when you get the document, please remember to sign off on it. Please let me know if you have any questions, and please give whatever feedback you want to. In Jesus’ name I pray.” [click]
The predominant response of people who have seen this picture of Jasper wearing a bullfighter outfit has been, “Why, why why??” In response, Jasper keeps on saying that that picture was from his high school days in Taiwan… as if that answers the question.
Friend 1: Wow, Friend 2, how's your husband's back? Did he hurt his back playing the guitar and stomping his foot too hard?
Friend 2: No, he hurt it lifting stuff at the Element Yard Sale.
Friend 3: Oh no, the Element brother staff are taking turns hurting their backs.
Sister M: Hey, Friend 1, you should be careful. First Kenny, now James...so many people are throwing up their backs these days.
Sister M: ...What? I said something that will be on Dis-Gracepoint, didn't I?
Friend 3: Oh no, we wouldn't do that to you.
This was during one New Year's Eve service. When midnight hit, everyone got up to hug and say "Happy New Year" to each other. I saw my peer Brother K and decided to say "Happy New Year" to him in Cantonese, just for fun.
"Gong hay fat choy!"
Brother K, whose last name happens to be Choi, abruptly stopped and said indignantly, "Hey! Who you calling a fat Choi!"
This is a story of 2 English Patients, Brother S and Brother Y.
Brother S was asked by the 7-year-old Jonathan Suh to read him a children’s picture book about farm animals. Brother S was a bit nervous, because he didn’t want to be caught with a word that he didn’t know from a children’s book.
But upon the 7-year-old’s insistence, Brother S relented and started to read the book. Then his fears came to fruition.. He ran into the word that he didn’t know. H-A-Y
He kept on reading, hoping that Jonathan will not ask him about the definition of that mysterious word. Thankfully, he didn’t ask Brother S what “hay” was, so Brother S survived through the reading without a glitch.
Brother S then met Brother Y, a more infamous English Patient. Brother S asked Brother Y, “Do you know what the word H-A-Y means?”
Brother Y confidently replied, “Oh yeah.. HAY is the past tense of HEY. Like I hay him yesterday.”
submitted by Calvin Lee
English Patient J writes an email:
”Please pay me for the attached bill, or else I’ll haunt you down.”
Someone thought that maybe he made a spelling error, but when asked, brother J revealed the fact that he thought that was the right meaning… That he would haunt you down like Casper.
Sister S, who is among us today, had a younger sister whom we shall call "SY". As she was growing up Sister S liked to play tricks on her younger sister SY, so one day, Sister S got her dad's clear plastic office chair mats under his rolling office chairs. Then she placed the mats at the various doorways throughout the house, placing them upside down, so that the pointy spikes that stabilize the mats onto the carpet were now exposed, facing up.
Then Sister S called SY in a very desperate, hurried voice, "SY!! SY!! Come here right now! Hurry!"
Sister SY, thinking that there was something very wrong, ran toward the voice of Sister S, who happened to be all the way at the other end of the house.
Whenever she went through the doorway, she would step on the pointy ends and cry out, "Ow ow ow!!" But because of the adrenaline rush, sister SY just kept on running toward Sister S.
When SY got there, she found Sister S rolling on the ground laughing.
During his junior high days, Brother E, who is color-blind, saw that everyone was carrying a cool-looking black bag. He wanted to be "with it", so he went out to the department store, found the same bag and bought it. He proudly carried around the bag at school for a while, until one day someone came up to him and said, "Hey, why are you carrying around a purple bag?"
Check out: http://www.disgracepointonline.org/2008/04/fellowship-of-dorcs.html
Brother M of Gracepoint SF Chapel was found in the kitchen with his head down, looking quite sour and slightly upset with an empty cup in his hand.
“What’s wrong?” a friend asked.
“I thought this was apple juice!” Brother M exclaimed, as he lifted up the plastic jug of olive oil.
This is the same brother M who had another incident involving a toothpaste which was featured in a previous post here.
There is a particular English Patient Brother JN among us, who was feeling unnecessarily stressed out about studying. So when his peer brothers organized a peer road trip, he planned on taking his books with him so that he can study. His peer brothers balked at the idea and told him, “No textbooks on this trip!” And they threatened brother JN with physical harm if he were to bring any textbooks on the trip.
So Brother JN decided that he would get around this rule by recording himself reading the textbook, and then listen to the mp3 on the road. That way, he could get his studying done, AND he won’t even get carsick.
When the road trip started, Brother JN turned on his mp3 player and started listening to himself reading. While he listened, he had a particular expression on his face, like he’s really concentrating. After about 30 minutes of this, Brother JN angrily took off his headset and exclaimed, “Man! I can’t understand myself!”
Near the end of the semester, our freshmen LIFE group (Gracepoint's small group) went up to a park up Euclid to have our final LIFE group meeting. There is a very fun concrete slide up there, next to the playground. Some of the brothers were on the swings, trying to jump off the swing and seeing who can go the furthest, etc.
Staff brother J, who was also there, was swaying lightly on the swing – and from the looks of his leg motions, it was obvious that he didn’t really play on the swings much when he was a child. He just sat there barely swinging, trying unsuccessfully to fit into the scene.
Afterwards, we ran up the hill and had our final sharing time. During the sharing time, Brother J said, “Umm… I just wanted to warn you.. I feel like throwing up.”
To make a long story short, basically, brother J almost threw up during our final prayer. We all asked if he was okay, and he kept on saying, “yeah, I’m okay, I’m okay. Just pray.” But as soon as we tried to pray, brother J would make these throwing-up noises, while at the same time telling us that he’s fine, and that we should just pray.
When asked why he felt like throwing up, brother J said, “I think it was the swings.”
There is a particular Sister S among us, whose had a younger sister that we will call Sister SY. Sister S and SYwere playing with their newly acquired helium balloons in their backyard when Sister S lost grip on her balloon, and she watched helplessly as her balloon floated away into the sky. After looking sadly up into the sky for a while, Sister S looked at SYballoon, then approached SY.
"Let go of your balloon," Sister S said.
"No, I don't want to," cried SY.
"Let go right now," demanded Sister S.
Crying, SY let go of her balloon and released it into the air. She stared at the sky in bewilderment as Sister S went back inside the house, feeling a little bit better about her own lost balloon.
Nurse: Okay, your finger is dislocated.. so I'm going to try to pull your finger back into place.
Brother T: Okay.. [sticks out his finger toward her]
[Nurse pulls, and brother T, blinded by the flash of pain that hit him, loses control and...]
Nurse: (immediately stops pulling the finger... pauses) Okay.. Let's try that again.
The above story demonstrates that sometimes "pull my finger" is no joke.
Sister: Wow, Austin has trolleys! I didn't know that, neat!
Pundit: Actually, they don't run on an electric rail - they just have tires, like a bus.
Sister: Oh, so they're not trolleys? Really?
Pundit: Yes, wheely.
They were given gummy bears as snacks, and they were gobbling up the gummy bears so fast that the youth teachers had to ration the gummy bears.
This is the video response of the students.
Actually, many people were kind of confused by this portion of the act, wondering, "So... the Pharoah won?" This was the first time that a breakdance routine caused some theological problems. But a2f clarified and said that the final move that the Pharaoh character did was a "death" move.
Since the beginning of disgracepoint in April 2008, there have been many posts that have since gone into the depths of our archives. And I thought that it would be nice to highlight some classic disgracepoint submissions once in a while, because there are some things that deserve to be laughed at twice.
Take a look at the following Dis-Gracepoint Classic by clicking on the link below:
David: Alright Bryan, yeah, that's the number for Chosun Galbi. Hope the soup there is pretty tasty! (David hangs up)
David: Shoot! I didn't realize there were two numbers for Chosun Galbi. I'm not sure which location he wanted...
Pundit: Yeah. I hope you have Chosun the right one.
Student's illustrative vocabulary sentence: I abhor P.E. class because I hate to exorcise.
Ms. K's marginalia*: Wow, I would hate P.E. too if I had to exorcise!
* Ms. K does not recommend giving sarcastic feedback to student work, but given the rapport she had already established with the above student, she knew this would not crush his spirit.
Pundit: Come on, that must be just a gimmick. Your glasses are just getting wet. How cool could it make you feel?
Wayne: No, really, come on and try it! It really works! Evaporation or something.
After Pundit tries the mist fan for himself...
Pundit: Wow. You're right. It's very refreshing. Good thing you told me to try it for myself - I almost mist it.
Gillian: Wow, these EverGood hot links are so good! So are those chicken-apple sausages! Where did we get them?
David: Oh! I brat them.
Gillian: That was...the wurst joke.
It is so painful, yet because it's so painful, it's funny.
Sunny: The Corpus Christi Aquarium is pretty nice! They really went all out with all the shows!
P. Manny: Yeah, I'm pretty impressed - it ain't no scaled down version.
We are the ones who went to Six Flags purely for the purpose of fellowship, not for selfish reasons like the rest of crazy people who enjoy dizziness and nausea.
Brother K is among the people who rode on the roller coasters despite the fact that he is scared of them. And these are the pictures that came from that courageous act.
I ask you now: what is courage? Is a person courageous when he does not fear? Or is he courageous when he feels fear yet goes ahead?
Judge: Are you going to be able to make it through the doorway?
P. Manny: Yeah... here we go. I think I've got enough room.
But it still wasn't very clear to me why those are not puns, so I asked a particular Brother D, who was among the original punsters who now has a shaved head, what a "real" pun is. And he gave me some.
- Did you hear about a guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
- I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
After hearing these real puns, I suddenly realized the truth... These puns that have been circulating in disgracepoint are not puns at all. Seeing the real thing made me recognize the counterfeit. No wonder they make you squirm.
Pastor Manny of Gracepoint Austin is one of the original punsters who wants to disassociate himself from these recent fake puns. He refuses to laugh at these fake puns... He refuses to even show any kind of emotion on his face when he hears these counterfeit puns. Because he knows what real puns are supposed to be like, he cries inside while everyone is laughing at the counterfeit.
However, Brother W told me how these fake puns all started. He told me that it all started when P. Manny once held up a napkin and said, "Hey, I'm going to take a nap with my kin." Amazingly, that one actually got some laughs along with the sneers, and Pastor Manny was seen gloating over how it made people squirm. However, Brother W distinctly remembers that that one joke opened the floodgates for all bad puns, giving courage to all the fake punsters. So perhaps it's only fitting that Pastor Manny now needs to suffer through the bad puns in Austin. But what I have a hard time accepting is why the rest of us have to suffer.
Perhaps it is not helpful for us to try to figure out the genesis of the puns that we have now. Perhaps we need to simply accept the fact that we are now in an era of fallenness, and go on from there... because the fact is that these fallen puns are the new reality of our day. Real puns are genuinely funnier, but for the same reason, they are a hundred times more rare. Is it better to laugh once than to squirm a hundred times? That's hard to say, so let us not silence the fake punsters. Let us live with our fallen states, because if anything, these bad puns will help us long for heaven more.
David: Hey, Highland Lanes! You ever been there?
Maurice: No, not yet - but I think I've seen it before when I ate around here. Are we near 'Din Ho' Chinese restaurant?
David: shrug I dinho.
Setting: A bunch of people are getting to know each other at the church-wide sophomore discipleship retreat at Sierra Lodge
Brother D: Hi sister C...
Sister C: Hi brother D.
Brother D: Are you a junior?
Sister C: (silence)
Brother Raymond & Kevin: Umm... Brother D, do you know where we are?
"Hi, we are fasting for 30 days... to help feed children from other worlds."
Hello disgracepoint readers,
It’s been a while that John Korea has been the face of disgracepoint (on our home page banner). And we wanted to see if you had a picture that you would like to submit as a possible banner. It doesn’t have to be a personal picture of someone from our church. It can be a scenery, it can be a sinking ship, a hog-dogging skier who is messing up, etc.. One request for this picture would be that it can be seen in a very thin dimension, as you can see from above.
If you have something like this, please email it to me or Roy Lo.
James: Wow, those guys are pretty good. It almost looks real.
Pundit1: Yeah. Don't you think they axe so well?
Pundit2: Well, sword of.
Setting: watching a men's volleyball game during the Olympics
English Patient W: Wow, they have great penmanship!
Friend T: Don’t you mean… sportsmanship?
English Patient W: No. I think there’s another word that means “sportsmanship”, but it starts with the letter “P”. Isn’t there a word like that?
Friend T: Umm.. not that I know of. (laugh)
English Patient W: Really! There is such a word! Hey, sister E! Isn’t there a word that starts with “P”, but means sportsmanship?
English Patient E: No, not that I can think of, but it’s okay. I can kind of see your confusion. Penmanship kind of sounds like a real word.
David: Now we'll be going from 'mono' to 'stereo' - that means TWO people you have to pay attention to each time.
Student: Woah! That sounds hard!
David: I'm sure you can handle it - and it's much more fun.
Pundit: Definitely. It's stereo way to play.
On to our regular programming!
At a Japanese sushi buffet, P. Manny contemplates eating his first oyster-on-the-half-shell. The brothers were excited cheering him on.
DL: I don't know if he's going to do it...
Henry: He's missing out though, so sad!
Pundit: I guess we'll just have to see if he shell eat it.
Student 1: Ms. K, what's an epileptic seizure?
Ms. K (thinking to herself...uh oh...): Uh...well, there's a neurological condition called epilepsy, and because of abnormal or irregular brain activity, a person can have seizures...
(Student 2 talking excitedly and in hushed tones to Student 3.)
Ms. K: Student 2, is everything all right? What's going on?
Student 2 (looking really worried): My cousin has epilepsy. I didn't know he had seizures and stuff. I just thought he had trouble reading because he saw letters backwards and switched around.
Ms. K (beat, stifling a giggle): I don't think you have to worry.
Setting - Right after visiting the Stingray touch pool
Pastor Manny: Wow, that was neat! Those stingrays move so fast. Did you guys enjoy getting to touch the stingrays?
Pundit1: Yeah, it's so cool - I rub it!
Pundit2: I agree. It's fintastic.
A bunch of brothers were talking, and particular brother whose last name is Park said, “Do you know that when I was born, I was almost named Mark? That would have been pretty bad… Mark Park.”
The rest of the brothers started to giggle and chuckle, but English Patient Brother Y started to laugh really loud. He was laughing as if this was the funniest joke he’s ever heard, repeating the words, “Mark Park! Mark Park! That rhymes!! That would have been so bad! Ha ha ha ha!” Other brothers didn’t think it was that funny, but it seemed that Brother Y found it hilarious that someone would have had a rhyming name.
Then something dawned on one of the brothers, and he asked Brother Y, “Wait a minute! What’s your full name?”
Brother Y answered, “Yang Wang.”
On to our first post at Dis-Gracepoint Online:
Today I have the pleasure of introducing the first of what will hopefully be a regular addition to Pun With Gracepoint - 'Picture Punfect'! A photo of a pun-ny situation, or a pic of a great pun somewhere out in the world.
I know P. Manny doesn't look too enthused, but I'm confident that inside he is brimming with joy! And we all know how happy he must be that his two favorite websites have now merged into one!! Yay!
During these tough economic times, sometimes we need to cut our costs and merge businesses that overlap in their core products. We have come to know of a site called "punwithgracepoint" (http://punwithgracepoint.blogspot.com/), which has been trying to impose their own brand of humor (word puns) to the rest of us.
Some people found the word puns to be hilarious, but I can tell you now: None of the English Patients found that site to be funny at all. In fact, they hardly found it understandable. How would you like it if your friends told you, "Oh my, check out this site... it's so funny! But it's written in a foreign language that you don't understand." No, you wouldn't like that at all.
So for the sake of Sister G's and Brother Y's among us, disgracepoint has decided to do a friendly merger with punwithgracepoint writers, who are from Gracepoint Austin. So from now on, these anti-English Patient writers will write into disgracepoint. So let's welcome them, despite their formerly exclusive form of humor. And I want to encourage all of us to comment on their word pun humor, especially the English Patients among us...
submitted by Justin K.
During our Gracepoint Live practices, sophomore English patient D decides that he wants to try playing the role of the ship captain.
Friend J: Which direction shall we sail, captain?
English Patient D: 9 am!
English Patient D: I mean, 9 o'clock!
submitted by Judy Walters
Setting: During the years when there was a scare about the mad cow disease, a particular English Patient Sister H kept to a very strict diet of not eating any beef.
Friend: Wow, it's amazing that you're not eating any beef. What do you eat instead?
English Patient H: Hamburger.. because it's made out of ham.
Setting: People are discussing where they are going to be sleeping over when they go to So-Cal for the upcoming Gracepoint College Department Magic Mountain Trip...
English Patient: So where are you guys all staying? I was wondering if I could crush into someone's house.
Eugene Peng also makes his attempt at redefining breakdance, but it looks like Steve is still the king.
During the 2008 Summer Olympics, Brother Y turned to several of his Korean-American and Chinese-American roommates and said "You guys are doing pretty well." Out of confusion, the brothers responded "What do you mean by you guys? Do you mean Korea or do you mean China?" Brother Y paused, then responded, "No, I meant the U.S." After several minutes of yelling and questioning Brother Y's American citizenship and his lack of loyalty to his country, and several McCarthy era type accusations, one brother plugged his laptop into the house speakers and started playing the song "I'm Proud to be an American" by Lee Greenwood. Brother Y managed a weak retort by trying to play the Chinese National Anthem on his laptop speakers but was overwhelmed by American patriotism. When the song ended and the drama seem to have ended, another Chinese-American brother entered the house and was asked whether he would root for China or America in the Olympics. As soon as the brother responded America, the song was played again and more patriotism ensued.
This is why you should take Gracepoint’s MYT classes… So that when your peers do this kind of stuff to your face, you are not sitting helplessly without any course of retaliation.
Sign up at www.gracepointonline.org/signups
We have tried this last year, but no one submitted any pictures… So I’ll try it again.
To commemorate the upcoming launch of Gracepoint-Berkeley's Summer MYT classes, here's a pretty good demotivator that's just calling out for a perfect picture! Please submit your pictures by emailing them to me. (daniel[dot]kim[at]gpmail[dot]org)
He had way too much syrup on his pancake, and this is what happened to him.
At the first run through for the Sophomore GLive Practice, Brother A was asked to act as one of the grandpa's in the audience at a courtroom. His actual line read:
When the time for his line came, all that was heard was silence. When people started to look up from their scripts to see if Brother A knew that it was his turn, they were shocked to see Brother A doing a weird motion. He was sweeping his arms furiously in the air, while snapping his fingers.
I just wanted to mention that dishgracepoint (our cooking recipe site) has gotten upgraded to have its own .com URL!
I thought I would mention it, since the name was a shameless copy of disgracepoint.
Here’s an incredible picture from dishgracepoint.com of the steak that we had after GLive.
Hello disgracepoint readers,
Just letting you know… all the published demotivators (the ones that already come with captions) were made BY the people who are featured in the demotivator. So if there’s a demotivator that I published without asking the readers for a creative caption, that means that picture was posed, and they themselves came up with the caption. It was usually for some kind of staff appreciation or birthday gift. When I ask for a caption, I do monitor for appropriateness, by the way.
Just wanted to let people know that, so that you don’t feel like the caption-providers are being just mean. Because if you thought that some unknown caption provider (like me) was just writing these captions, some of the demotivators might seem pretty cruel.
Sister S has a very special custom of surprising her friend by jumping on her from behind. One day, she sees her unsuspecting friend walking down Sproul Plaza in her usual coat and briefcase. Knowing how surprised her friend will be, Sister S very excitedly decides to get a running start and jumps her friend with a great force. But to Sister S's shock and dismay, the surprised party turned around and was not, indeed, her friend. Sister S quickly realized this, as she saw the name tag of the professor she jumped.
Before she could fully apologize and explain, Sister S was hit viciously by the victim's briefcase before the victim quickly walked away. To this day, Sijii has not jumped any more of her friends.
Sister K was at Safeway shopping. While reaching for a jar of jam, the jar slipped from her hand, fell and shattered--making a huge mess in the middle of the isle. At the same time, Brother B was coming down the isle and saw this happen. Brother B walked up to Sister K. Sister K thought that this brother, out of his kind heart, would help her with the mess. Instead, Brother B pulls out his cell phone, takes a picture, laughs and walks away.
Setting: Claire Kim, wife of James Kim, used to be named "Soo Jung". It wasn't until relatively recently that she got her English name, Claire. So it took everyone, including James, some time to get used to her new name. Brother JF meets them and greets them at their baby-shower party.
James: Hi, this is my wife, Sue.
Soo Jung: Umm... actually, my name is Claire.
Brother JF: (thinking, "Oh my gosh, what is wrong with James?!?")
This is a story of a brother A and his sister L, who are still among us today at Gracepoint.
After getting all his money ripped off by his sister from the Carnival incident and the Library incident, and after getting his dignity destroyed by the House incident, the same brother A had good reasons to be skeptical. After months of careful saving, he had again collected about $20 for his life savings, and this time, he wasn't going to be fooled so easily.
Then one day, sister L came up to him and suggested that he deposit his money into her bank.
"No way!" he said, "I'm not going to be fooled again."
Sister L explained, "You don't understand. You can actually make money on banks. They have this thing called interest."
Brother A was very skeptical, but sister L carefully explained how banks invest the money, and then give returns on the interest. She explained that this was quite a normal thing, and that he would get back 10% interest if he deposited his money into her bank for 3 months.
This was a new kind of thing for brother A. In the previous experiences, brother A was duped into purchasing something or getting fined. But never was he given the choice of earning money. So brother A decided that he's going to deposit the money into the Bank of L. This time, brother A wrote this down so that he won't forget like he did for the Library incident.
Three months later, he went to sister L and asked for his $22.
"I don't have it," said sister L.
"What? What do you mean?"
"Your money is currently invested. That's how banks work. Come back next month, and I'll have it."
So brother A went back next month, but the same story was given. This happened again and again until brother A eventually forgot about it and stopped asking for the money.
Many experts claim that this incident was the beginning of the credit crisis that we face today.
submitted by Lawrence Wu
Setting: A group of friends were gathered at Joshu-ya sushi in Berkeley to celebrate a birthday. After dinner, the birthday boy wanted the waiter to take a picture.
Brother L: "Hi, waiter, do you think you could take a picture for us?"
Waiter: "Oh, sure thing!"
(The waiter takes the picture)
Brother D: "Thanks Josh!"
(Pause, as everyone except Brother D is a little confused)
Brother L: "Wait, you know him?!"
Brother D: "No, but it said 'Joshuya' on his shirt."
Please provide your caption for this picture, taken from the famous “Under Pressure” performance at Gracepoint Thanksgiving Celebration, 2008, which can be seen here.
Suggestions to start us off:
CREATIVITY: Just because you do something that has not been done before, it doesn’t mean that you’re being creative.
TALENT: If you don’t got it, then at least be different.
For this week, disgracepoint will be taking a break from posting new posts, in observance of the Passion Week. Everyone is invited to join us for our Good Friday Service and Easter Sunday Service this coming weekend. Both services will be held in Alameda. More information on our website, www.gracepointonline.org
I don’t remember this incident personally. But the content of this submission really sounds like something that could have happened to me and Sarah, so I’m going to assume that it really happened and put it in.
Setting: Sarah and I were picking up Brother Steve and Eunice back from Cambodia Summer Mission Trip. Once we got to their house, they realized that neither of them had brought their keys. They checked the lockbox, and the key was not in there. So there we were, waiting outside their condo while Steve and Eunice were trying to break into their own home.
Sarah: I can’t believe neither of them brought their keys.
Daniel: I know.
Daniel: Did you bring your keys to our house?
Sarah: No, did you?
Thank you for your submissions and votes. We have these winners.
Tied for Silver
Note: This final demotivator is really an inside joke that comes from a previous disgracepoint video about John Korea (that’s his nickname). You can view the video here.
A conversation that happened between husband and wife in Gracepoint SF Chapel...
Sister C: I want to get a hair cut.
Brother G: How short?
Sister C: (gestures to shoulder) Here.
Brother G: Not too short.
Sister C: Why not?
Brother G: You don't look good with short hair, no short hair.
Sister C: What do you mean I don't look good? Do you love me based on my appearance??
Brother G: No, no.. of course not! I don't love you based on your looks!
Sister C: (even more incensed) What's wrong with my looks??
Brother G: Nothing! I'm just saying that that's not why I married you.
Sister C: So you are saying you married me even though I'm ugly?
This is why Gracepoint men want to play basketball together.
Setting: In a game of Charoodles charades, Brother D was vigorously doing the motion of working out, doing a biceps curl.
"Pumping iron!" "Working out!" "Iron man!" "Dumbbell!" "Biceps curl!"
In vain, they guessed until the time ran out. Afterwards, they asked the obvious question: "Man, what was it?"
To which Brother D responded with exasperation, "Curling iron!"
Setting: A bunch of people were playing the game Catchphrase.
Hurting: Oh, oh... the person who's on that show.. that mean person!
Others: What? Family Feud! What game?
Hurting: American Idol! The mean judge!
Others: Oh, oh... Simon!
Hurting: No, no! The mean one!
Others: Simon Cowell? That's his name right?
Hurting: No! Not him!
Others: Oh man! time's up! What was the answer?
Hurting: Colin Powell.
Friend: Sometimes it's confusing how some of the hymns are still in old English, like How Great Thou Art. "Thou" is supposed to mean "You", and "Art" means "Are", right?
English Patient: Oh, really??? I thought that we were praising God for nature, because that's His art!
Experience of Brother D and his wife S.
A few years back, S and I decided to go out for dinner to celebrate our anniversary or her birthday, I forget which. But anyway, we decided to go to Spengers in Berkeley, a seafood restaurant. That night, there was a Seafood Special -- lobster for $11.95. I personally thought that lobsters are overrated, but S said that she hasn't had lobster since she was 10 years old, so I recommended that she try it.
After ordering the lobster, the bib and the lobster-shell-cracking-wrench thingie came out. S pointed to the bib and asked me, "What is this?" I told her that it's something that she puts over her head like a bib.
"Yeah right," she said, and she kept on asking me what it really was. I told her it really was a bib, and that although it's unthinkable that a semi-fancy restaurant would give a full-grown adult a bib, that's exactly what it was, because cracking the lobster shells can be messy. After 2 minutes of explanation, she was finally convinced enough to put on the bib. While she put it on, she kept on checking my reaction and the reactions of people around us, as if she still thought that it was a practical joke that I was pulling on her.
When she had put on the bib completely, I momentarily cracked up, and she immediately tried to take off the bib, saying, "Oh I knew it!" And then I told her that I was just kidding, and that it's really a bib. That confused her completely, and made her feel very insecure about wearing the bib. She looked pretty disoriented by that whole experience, looking at me with suspicious eyes, but deep down, I know that she also thought that it was pretty funny.
Finally, when the lobster came out, she asked me how she is supposed to eat this. I just told her to crack the shell with that wrench-looking thing. So she grabbed one of the lobster claws with the wrench and started to squeeze. Well, if you know how things like crab shells crack, you know that you want to squeeze on the sharp ends of the shell rather than the flat side of the shell. Well, on that night, I don't know why... usually my wife S is a lot sharper than this... maybe it was the whole disorienting experience of the bib... but anyway, she grabbed the FLAT side of the lobster claw with the wrench and started to squeeze. Of course, it didn't crack easily, so she started to use both her hands to squeeze harder. I could see the pressure building up inside the shell, about to explode. Seeing what was about to happen, I leaned over across the table a bit to tell her that she shouldn't be squeezing it that way.
Just as I was starting to lean over, the whole claw exploded. I mean, it really exploded. A huge piece of lobster flesh hit my glasses, and I couldn't see out of one eye. About 20 pieces of lobster, along with lobster juice, shot out of our table, and it went all over the tables adjacent to us. Worst of all, one big piece of lobster flesh shot out and hit the head of an elderly gentleman sitting behind us. It must have hit him pretty hard, because he kind of jerked forward in surprise. The only thing within in a 5-foot radius that didn't have any lobster pieces on it was my wife's clothes, thanks to the bib. The gentleman turned around and looked at us, and I knew that I had to be the man and apologize to him on behalf of S... Particularly because S was hiding under the table by this time. So I turned around and said, "I'm so sorry."
Perhaps it's the simplicity of a genuine apology that moved him toward kindness, or maybe it's that piece of lobster flesh stuck on the right lens of my glasses which spoke more eloquently than I ever could. The elderly gentleman just smiled and said that it was fine.
We finished the dinner without any further incident. But after that night, I changed my mind about lobsters. Perhaps it's not overrated, if it can make memories like this.
Brother J: Wow, we have Sierra Lodge, Sierra Barn. We gotta get Sierra Farm, have some farm animals...
Other brothers: Yea! Yea!
Brother B: Yea! When are we gonna build the Sierra Cemetery?
Brother B: Wait, what do you call those places where they teach the Bible?
submitted by Lawrence Wu
Playing King Kong Shower with a group of 12 guys, we, as usual, went around in a circle introducing our moves. A certain Brother C introduced his move, "It's morphing time!" bringing back memories of the Power Rangers. Everyone laughed, enjoying the nostalgia. Then a certain Brother K, looking quite disturbed, interjected, "Whaa? What's so funny about morphine?"
As you know, DPR (DisgracePoint Readers) survives because of readers like you. And it's that time of the year where I'm asking for more submissions of real stories or pictures from Gracepoint Fellowship (or Waypoint or Bridgeway) for disgracepoint. Please email them to me @ daniel[dot]kim[at]gpmail[dot]org. I usually have 2 months worth of stories lined up for , but I've been running a little low these days. I know that there are stories out there, and perhaps you've been selfish and not sharing them, thus keeping all the joy for yourselves. Please submit them, and you will go to sleep with the satisfaction of knowing that your 5 stories and 2 pictures have brought happiness to the multitudes.
Friend: Did you hear how that Starbucks closed down because of gentrification? Sister S: What? Starbucks did gender profiling?
Setting: This is what was written by one of the brothers in potluck. Item that you will bring: Dynamite Muscles
Setting: A group of sisters are looking at pictures of the Sky Mountain Camp. Friend: Look, here's the meadow that Pastor Ed was talk...
Check out this amazing sale. Like they say, a dollar saved is a dollar earned.