3/31/09

English Patient: Working Out

Submitted by Wesley Lau

Setting: In a game of Charoodles charades, Brother D was vigorously doing the motion of working out, doing a biceps curl.

"Pumping iron!" "Working out!" "Iron man!" "Dumbbell!" "Biceps curl!"

In vain, they guessed until the time ran out. Afterwards, they asked the obvious question: "Man, what was it?"

To which Brother D responded with exasperation, "Curling iron!"


3/29/09

Hurting: American Idol

Setting: A bunch of people were playing the game Catchphrase.

Hurting: Oh, oh... the person who's on that show.. that mean person!

Others: What? Family Feud! What game?

Hurting: American Idol! The mean judge!

Others: Oh, oh... Simon!

Hurting: No, no! The mean one!

Others: Simon Cowell? That's his name right?

Hurting: No! Not him!

[BEEP]

Others: Oh man! time's up! What was the answer?

Hurting: Colin Powell.

3/27/09

Vote for Demotivator Caption!

Please vote for the demotivator caption for John Korea. The poll is on your right.

3/25/09

English Patient: How Great Thou Art

Friend: Sometimes it's confusing how some of the hymns are still in old English, like How Great Thou Art. "Thou" is supposed to mean "You", and "Art" means "Are", right?

English Patient: Oh, really??? I thought that we were praising God for nature, because that's His art!

3/21/09

Love and Marriage: Lobster

Experience of Brother D and his wife S.

A few years back, S and I decided to go out for dinner to celebrate our anniversary or her birthday, I forget which. But anyway, we decided to go to Spengers in Berkeley, a seafood restaurant. That night, there was a Seafood Special -- lobster for $11.95. I personally thought that lobsters are overrated, but S said that she hasn't had lobster since she was 10 years old, so I recommended that she try it.

After ordering the lobster, the bib and the lobster-shell-cracking-wrench thingie came out. S pointed to the bib and asked me, "What is this?" I told her that it's something that she puts over her head like a bib.

"Yeah right," she said, and she kept on asking me what it really was. I told her it really was a bib, and that although it's unthinkable that a semi-fancy restaurant would give a full-grown adult a bib, that's exactly what it was, because cracking the lobster shells can be messy. After 2 minutes of explanation, she was finally convinced enough to put on the bib. While she put it on, she kept on checking my reaction and the reactions of people around us, as if she still thought that it was a practical joke that I was pulling on her.

When she had put on the bib completely, I momentarily cracked up, and she immediately tried to take off the bib, saying, "Oh I knew it!" And then I told her that I was just kidding, and that it's really a bib. That confused her completely, and made her feel very insecure about wearing the bib. She looked pretty disoriented by that whole experience, looking at me with suspicious eyes, but deep down, I know that she also thought that it was pretty funny.

Finally, when the lobster came out, she asked me how she is supposed to eat this. I just told her to crack the shell with that wrench-looking thing. So she grabbed one of the lobster claws with the wrench and started to squeeze. Well, if you know how things like crab shells crack, you know that you want to squeeze on the sharp ends of the shell rather than the flat side of the shell. Well, on that night, I don't know why... usually my wife S is a lot sharper than this... maybe it was the whole disorienting experience of the bib... but anyway, she grabbed the FLAT side of the lobster claw with the wrench and started to squeeze. Of course, it didn't crack easily, so she started to use both her hands to squeeze harder. I could see the pressure building up inside the shell, about to explode. Seeing what was about to happen, I leaned over across the table a bit to tell her that she shouldn't be squeezing it that way.

Just as I was starting to lean over, the whole claw exploded. I mean, it really exploded. A huge piece of lobster flesh hit my glasses, and I couldn't see out of one eye. About 20 pieces of lobster, along with lobster juice, shot out of our table, and it went all over the tables adjacent to us. Worst of all, one big piece of lobster flesh shot out and hit the head of an elderly gentleman sitting behind us. It must have hit him pretty hard, because he kind of jerked forward in surprise. The only thing within in a 5-foot radius that didn't have any lobster pieces on it was my wife's clothes, thanks to the bib. The gentleman turned around and looked at us, and I knew that I had to be the man and apologize to him on behalf of S... Particularly because S was hiding under the table by this time. So I turned around and said, "I'm so sorry."

Perhaps it's the simplicity of a genuine apology that moved him toward kindness, or maybe it's that piece of lobster flesh stuck on the right lens of my glasses which spoke more eloquently than I ever could. The elderly gentleman just smiled and said that it was fine.

We finished the dinner without any further incident. But after that night, I changed my mind about lobsters. Perhaps it's not overrated, if it can make memories like this.

3/19/09

Hurting: 15 Months

Setting: a2f Gold staff are eating, and talking about baby Sophie's age, and then Brother A suddenly steps in...

Others: Yeah, she's 15 months...

Brother A: Oh my! Sister J is pregnant?

Others: No one can be 15 months pregnant.

Brother A: (silence)

3/17/09

English Patient: Physics of Sledding

"Oh man! This sled run has to be steeper! I am not moving because there's too much fraction!"

3/15/09

Demotivator Contest

Please comment on this post with possible captions...

john korea

3/13/09

English Patient: Gracepoint Live

undo

English Patient Brother JN takes a look at the following advertisement for our upcoming Gracepoint Live and says:

"Ooon Doe? What's that?"

3/11/09

English Patient: Sierra Seminary

Brother J: Wow, we have Sierra Lodge, Sierra Barn. We gotta get Sierra Farm, have some farm animals...

Other brothers: Yea! Yea!

Brother B: Yea! When are we gonna build the Sierra Cemetery?

[Awkward silence]

Brother B: Wait, what do you call those places where they teach the Bible?

3/9/09

English Patient: King Kong Shower

submitted by Lawrence Wu

Playing King Kong Shower with a group of 12 guys, we, as usual, went around in a circle introducing our moves. A certain Brother C introduced his move, "It's morphing time!" bringing back memories of the Power Rangers. Everyone laughed, enjoying the nostalgia. Then a certain Brother K, looking quite disturbed, interjected, "Whaa? What's so funny about morphine?"

3/7/09

English Patient - Fire up the stove

"Okay, everyone, let's put the stove on fire!"

3/5/09

Gracepoint Epoch: Snow Bellyflop

NOTE: Please don't try this at Sierra Lodge unless there is at least 8 feet of fresh snow.
On second thought, actually, don't try this at all.

3/3/09

Disgracepoint Fund Drive

Hello Disgracepoint Readers,

As you know, DPR (DisgracePoint Readers) survives because of readers like you. And it's that time of the year where I'm asking for more submissions of real stories or pictures from Gracepoint Fellowship (or Waypoint or Bridgeway) for disgracepoint. Please email them to me @ daniel[dot]kim[at]gpmail[dot]org. I usually have 2 months worth of stories lined up for , but I've been running a little low these days. I know that there are stories out there, and perhaps you've been selfish and not sharing them, thus keeping all the joy for yourselves. Please submit them, and you will go to sleep with the satisfaction of knowing that your 5 stories and 2 pictures have brought happiness to the multitudes.

3/1/09

English Patient: Les Miserables

Brother S: Hey, have you ever watched Le Cheval?