Friends: Hey, were you going to say Hermit the Crab? Like hermit crabs?
Brother JC: But I didn't say it fully, so it doesn't count!
Friend 2: What does that mean?
Sister J (chem major): It means acid and base were combined together to form water and salt.
"Hi! I am so excited about this TC. We are in need of some talented brothers and sisters who can sin."
NOTE: I guess that means everyone's qualified.
Friend: It's great that we're saving so much money! But let's not overdo it. I don't think we should be too draconian about this.
Brother S: I agree! Let's not be such a Dracula about it.
Teacher: So what's your plans for the summer?
Student: My family is going on a cruise.
Teacher: Oh, where's that?
Student: ... umm.. to Mexico.
Teacher: Wow, I didn't know there's a city called Ana Cruz in Mexico!
I personally think this is the winner, but there's another group that has their own video (this will be posted later)
Student S: Dad, will stop treating me like a little boy?
Dad: What? Do you want me to start treating you like a little girl?
Sister X: I think those Normal Versus videos are pretty funny. Except.. whenever I watch them, I tend to miss the Bible verses. Where are they?
Sandra: Hello? Yes, I would like to order some hara bhara paratha, some pani poori, pav bhavi papad, and some dal makhani.
Restaurant: What is your name?
Restaurant: Got it, it will be ready in 15 minutes.
The following receipt was what Sandra got.
Cashier: In order to buy this, I need something from you.
Friend: A credit card?
Cashier: No, something else.
Friend: A safeway card?
Sister A: (suddenly butting in) How about a "Merry Christmas"??
Cashier: I need your I.D.
Sister A: [silently slips away into the background]
Sister J: Can you get Wanda for me?
Sister V: To use for cooking, or for you?
Sister J: Wanda!
Sister V: I know.. but how much of it?
Everyone else in the kitchen: Wanda! Not watta (water)!
NOTE: It's not very clear whether it was Sister J's pronunciation or Sister's V's hearing problem that's at fault here...
Friend: Wow it's a really obscure city?
Sister S: Yeah scarcity.
NOTE: It is not clear if Sister S is an English Patient and didn't mean what she said.. or maybe she's a Pundit Genius. Maybe this post belongs in the PunwithGracepoint site.
Babysitter: What do you want to be when you grow up?
Kid#1: I want to be...an engineer!
Babysitter: Okay, just like your dad.
Kid#2: Me, too!
Babysitter: Yeah, your dad's an engineer too. (turns toward her daughter) How about you?
Daughter: I want to be...a grad student!
(Her father was in grad school for many years... Apologies to all the grad students in our midst for this depressing story)
Friend: Wow, C.S. Lewis writes like a theologian. I can't believe he was just a layman.
Sister J: Umm.. what's a layman?
Brother B: Wow! Where did you learn to speak Chinese so well?
Owner: Where did you learn to speak English so well?
Friend: Hey Brother J, aren't you going to have any ice-cream?
Brother J: Nah. I work for Dreyers, man. If I eat my competitor's ice-cream, that would be ethnically wrong.
Sister A: Hey! I never knew that "XIAN" was a shorthand for "Asian"!!
NOTE: Try actually phonetically pronouncing the word, and you can sympathize with all English Patients out there.
Sister S: Hey, I figured out a way to not get charged for incoming text messages.
Friend: Really? How?
Sister S: My phone lets me preview the first few words of my messages, and if I get the gist of the message, I won't open it, and so I won't get charged! Mwuahahaha! That'll show them.
Sister S: Oh.
Friend: Oh, just came from the dorms after going to RSF.
Bro. J: Oh okie. What's that smell?
Friend: What smell? You mean my deodorant?
Bro. J: What? Doughnut?!! You had doughnuts!!
Friend: What doughnuts? I said deodorant.
Bro. J: Oh, sorry. You know, I've been on diet and somehow I just heard doughnuts.
So others asked him, "Didn't you have your GPS on?"
Brother C answers, "Yeah, it was turned on, but it kept on telling me to turn around, so I turned it off."
Some other brothers from that trip have compiled some things that they are thankful for:
1) I've always wondered Bakersfield is like but have never gotten around to it visiting. Now, I've confirmed my suspicions that it's not worth the trip
2) Thankful that we weren't on the way TO the mission trip
3) Thankful that there were no sisters with us.
Friends: "Umm...you mean Huckleberry Finn?"
[Later on the in the movie, when Gandalf is trying to open the door to Moria]
Sister C: "Sesame open!"
Son: Mommy, I'm thinking of an animal that starts with the letter "B".
Mom: Is it a bear?
Mom: A bird?
Son: Mmmm.. No.
[After many attempts]
Mom: Okay, I can't guess it. What is it?
Son: A bicycle!!
Mom: [concerned silence]
Son: Mommy, let's play the animal game!
Son: I'm thinking of an animal that starts with the letter "P"
Mom: Is it a penguin?
Mom: Okay, what is it?
Son: It's a Big Fat Chicken!!!
Mom: [concerned silence]
Sister Y: Oh yeah! She's the flyer!
Sister Y sticks out her arms to make an airplane motion
Friend: You mean a pilot?
Sister Y: O yeah!
Friend: I think you might be thinking of Amelia Earhart.
Sister Y: Oh, yeah! Helen Keller was the blind person!
"Hey guys, who feels comfortable killing a mosquito?"
"Okay... who feels comfortable killing an aunt?"
"I meant ant! Ant!"
Her friends discuss this, because they have never heard of that restaurant before. Then they realize that Sister J must have read the following email:
"Dinner before Bible Study: BYOF" (which stands for Bring Your Own Food)
J: Do you want nuts?
J: How come you're not saying anything?
H: Because! I didn't do anything, and you just asked me if I'm nuts!
He texts Brother A: "LOSER"
Brother A, not knowing what this means, guesses that he must mean "lower", so he lowers the sound even more... causing his friend to think that Brother A must really be a loser.
Sister M: Um, can you please keep the dog's leash wrapped around something on the opposite side from where I'm standing?
Sister M: Can you please make sure it's very secure?
Sister M (sweating with anxiety): Are you really sure?
Later, when asked what kind of guard dog it was, Sister M said it was a chihuahua.
Auntie: what makes the "D-uh" sound?
Auntie: good!! okay... whats next?
M: I dunno..
Auntie: Cmon.. you can do it! (slowly) DOG...
M: oh I know!
Auntie: okay! what is it!
Auntie: What letters are you learning now in school?
M: Oh, we learned "H" it makes the "h-uh" sound!
Auntie: good!! what other letters did you learn?
M: i learned "L-uh".
Auntie: oh .. what letter makes the sound "L-uh"?
M: um.. one??
Sister J: Today was a great day. I had some really amazing conversations during lunch today!
Sister L: Yeah. I know. I was with you.
Sister S: I think we should get them a care package.
Sister J: A what?
Sister S: A care package.
Sister J: Okay, but I think we should also get them broccoli.
Sister S: Huh?
[Next day, their leaders get a broccoli package and a carrot package]
Leader: Hey, are you good at cleaning tables?
Brother S: Oh yeah. I was a waiter at a restaurant.
[Everyone around Brother S starts to get impressed]
Brother S: Oh, but I was fired.
Friend 1: Did you settle on a name for the baby?
Expecting Friend: Yes, we're going to name her Zoe.
Friend 1: Cool.
Sister M: Are you going to spell it with a Z or with a J?
Father: Congratulations! Independent contractor job? Then I guess that means you'll getting a 1099 from them?
Sister J: Oh no no.. ha ha.. Dad.. they are paying me much more than that per hour.
Adult: What happened Micah? Why are you crying?
Micah: Lijah... he broke my heart!!
Brother T: I really liked that movie.
Mom: Really? I thought it was stupid.
Brother T: Why?
Mom: It's so unrealistic! People can't go to the moon?!
Brother T: [silence] Oh.. boy... where do I start?
Brother C: Hey, those are the kids that I met at the Oktoberfest!
(note: Oktoberfest is a German festival largely centered around beer)
Sister C: This is a famous star!
Her team: The north star!
Sister C: No a different star!
None of her team knows the names of other stars so they start guessing constellations and other astronomical terms until the time runs out.
Her team: What was it?
Sister C: Uranus!!
Sister Y2: I got all these pens from China!
Sister Y1: Oh, be careful, because they might shrink and lose color.
Sister Y2: uh... shrink and lose color?
Sister Y1: Yea! They might be bad quality.
Sister Y2: I bought pens, not pants.
Sister Y1: What?
Sister Y2: (louder) Pens! not pens! Pants!
Sister Y1: What?
Sister Y2: Pans!!!
Sister Y1: WHAT???
"The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility."
"The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy."
"Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7PM. Please use the back door."
"The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours'."
"For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs."
"At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice."
"The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals"
"Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. it's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands."
"Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you."
Game master: Okay everyone, please group yourself according to these groupings.. Oldest child or single child is group 1, middle child/in-between child is group 2, and youngest child is group 3.
Participant 1: I'm the eldest.
Participant 2: I'm the 3rd out of 4 siblings.
Participant 3: I'm the youngest in the family.
Bro Y: I'm in the middle of two.
Brother D: Hi, what's your name?
Friend P: My name is Pu.
Brother D: Pu? Did you say Pu?
Friend P: Yeah.. that's my name.
Brother D: Ha ha ha... that's so unfortunate! Oh man! ha ha ha ha
Friend P: [reads Brother D's nametag] And your name is... Dung.
Sister J: I like this wallet! It's cute and looks like something a 10-year-old will like.
Sister C: No, let's get something simpler, like this black one (indicating a wallet on display).
Sister D: No way! That looks like it belongs to an old lady! (indicating wallet Sister J is holding).
Sister J: Um...this is mine.
Setting: Sister K comes back from a family vacation in Hawaii..
Sister K: Hi, I missed everyone!
Sister N: Welcome back to America!
Sister K: Hawaii is part of America.
A few minutes later...
Sister K: I brought back some boxes chocolate for everyone.
Sister N: Oh! What kind of currency do they use over there?
Sister K: U.S. dollars.
Setting: Leaving Zion National Park Brother J: Wow, the sun is so beautiful. Did you know that it sets in the south here?
Setting: This is what was written by one of the brothers in potluck. Item that you will bring: Dynamite Muscles
Setting: A group of sisters are looking at pictures of the Sky Mountain Camp. Friend: Look, here's the meadow that Pastor Ed was talk...
Check out this amazing sale. Like they say, a dollar saved is a dollar earned.