Humor site for Gracepoint Berkeley Church and church plants at Davis, Austin, Minneapolis, San Diego, Riverside, Hsinchu, Los Angeles, Irvine, Santa Barbara, Seattle... Because we know that laughter is the best medicine, right after Chinese herbal medicine and acupuncture and Western medicine.
Bible Verse Recitation
Here are some samples of brothers' Bible verse memorization gone terribly wrong...
Brother J: "Praising God and enjoying the flavor of all the people.."
Brother T: "No, I beat your body and make it my slave..."
Brother D: "As the hen gathers her cheeks together..."
Brother D: "And Jesus said, 'Didn't I heal ten leopards?'"
Normal vs. Timothy Rhee
Merry Christmas, Disgracepoint readers!
Here's a quote by an English Patient.. well, I'm not sure if this is an English Patient, or just a Common Sense Patient...
Friend: Hey, I got our group movie tickets from Costco for 7.50!
Common Sense Patient: Oh... that's good... But it's kind of hard.
Common Sense Patient: Does that mean we can only watch movies that start at 7:50?
Gracepoint TC: Old Folks
Gracepoint TC: Yodling
English Patient: More Than Meets the Eye
There is a sister M in Bridgeway Church who thought for a long time that the games that were played with a new group of people were "eyes breakers". When asked why she thought this, she answered, "Because when we first meet someone, there's a barrier, so we can't look at each other in the eyes. But after playing the eyes breaker, we can break through that barrier and look at each other in the eyes."
Wow, that almost makes sense.
Gracepoint TC: The Pilgrim's Paradise
The sound problems that he was having just goes to demonstrate how precarious the whole idea of "cool" is, and how dependent it is on something so flimsy as background music.
John Ko could have looked kind of cool if the music worked, but when it didn't, and John was posing in silence, his envisioned coolness quickly turned into something disgracepoint-worthy.
English Patient: In-Laws
Friend: Hey Brother Y, do you know where brother S is?
Brother Y: "I think he's with the family, hanging out with his outlaws."
Gracepoint TC: DT
A Man and His Pain
Setting: Brother S, who is known among his peers as someone who insists on doing things that are "manly", one day dislocated his shoulder quite badly and was taken to the hospital.
The nurse approached him and said, "Now, on a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being no pain at all and 10 being the worst pain imaginable, what is the level of pain that you feel right now?"
Brother S answered, "Zero."
The nurse paused for a bit, and then asked him again, "On a scale of 1 to 10, what is your level of..."
"Zero," interrupted Brother S.
The nurse then proceeded to hold his arm and move it upwards, causing his shoulder to rotate. Then she asked, "How about now?"
"Zero," said Brother S.
She moved the arm further up and asked, "How about now?"
Brother S winced, then caught his breath again, then said, "... zero."
The nurse looked at Brother S with a particular look that was interpreted by Brother S as awe, but some said that it could have been interpreted as a look of pity. She moved the arm further up, and before she could ask Brother S any question, brother S shouted, "Ten, ten, ten, ten!!!!!"
Gracepoint TC: Under Pressure
It's hard to hear the audience reaction on any of these videos... So it can appear a lot more embarrassing than it actually was. For a version of Under Pressure with audience reaction, you can check it out at the corresponding post of the a2f Gold site.
Also, a closeup version of Praxis' Hallelujah Surprise...
English Patient: Restaurants
I heard about a very good Chinese restraint.
That salad was good. I wonder what the entry will be.
Demotivator Contest Winners
Gold medal goes to "Groupthink" by anonymous
Silver goes to "Idiom" by Justin
Bronze goes to "Innovation" by John
Gracepoint TC: Hallelujah
After the Thanksgiving Celebration, I heard that the original idea was for them to "take off" their heads at the end of the song, roll it around and throw it down on the ground. That idea got axed before it made it to the stage, thankfully -- or else we would have seen some people faint in the audience. I have no idea what message that decapitation would have communicated that is even remotely related to Handel's Messiah.
English Patient: Email
Setting: An English Patient T sends out this logistics email regarding the Youth Winter Retreat 2007...
"Just wanted to note that there have been updates to the rooster ever since the initial rooster was sent out. From the rooster that Elise sent out last night, I see a couple that have been updated in the database, but not updated on the rooster."
Vamos a la Gracepoint
Please don't watch this more than twice, as it can be harmful for your emotional health.
There are more to come from this year's TC... Disgracepoint is thankful for TC, because it provides so much material for many months to come.
Many years ago, my wife S and I had the honor and privilege of cooking a turkey for our group. I bought the turkey 2 days before the cooking day, hoping that it would be enough time to thaw in the refrigerator. But when the time came, I realized that the turkey was still frozen solid in various spots -- which meant that I was in trouble.
I thought for a moment about what I should do, and then came up with a brilliant solution. In a mere 30 minutes, the turkey was thawed, and after 4 hours, I had one of the best-looking turkeys of Thanksgiving Celebration.
Beaming with pride, I called wife S and said, "The turkey was still frozen when I took it out of the fridge. But guess what I did!"
"What?" said S.
"I blow-dried it and then put it next to our room heater! And boom! It was thawed in like 30 minutes!"
There was a brief silence, and then she said, "Uhh... I'm not sure if you were supposed to do that." Then I heard her speaking with some other sisters on the other side of the line, and then I heard a great number of sisters laughing and screaming in the background. They told me that I needed to just throw the whole turkey away. But the turkey looked so beautiful that it seemed like a waste to just throw it away. Supposedly if you do that to any poultry, one who eats it might get this thing called salmonella poisoning, which could possibly cause some minor symptoms like stomach cramps, fever and death. I tried to argue that maybe this turkey could be used as a "display turkey", but they wouldn't have it, just in case someone takes it and eats it. So I had to throw the whole turkey away.
To this day, I think that turkey was the best-looking turkey ever made in Gracepoint Fellowship Church. It had that perfect brown skin all over without a single burnt spot, which I was never able to reproduce since. Perhaps its perfect brownness was because I had warmed it up nice and toasty next to the heater for 30 minutes, but no matter -- it was still the most beautiful turkey ever. I sometimes wonder, what if I didn't brag about my turkey to my wife over the phone? That's why I think it's useful to brag sometimes, as long as you're okay about being humiliated by the laughter of a multitude of sisters.
Note: For a good way to cook turkeys, check out Tom Kim's dishgracepoint site, where he posted a great turkey recipe called "Gracepoint Turkey Recipe"!
Disgracepoint Demotivator Caption Contest
English Patient: Acalpulco Restaurant
Setting: Peers arrive at Acalpulco Restaurant
Friend: Wow! I didn't realize that there was a restaurant here!
English Patient: What the? This is not an acupuncture place?
(Note Jeannie, lower left, shielding Josiah's eyes from this sight).
After this song and dance, I actually went to the bathroom and threw up. I'm serious. I was suffering from a migraine when I was coming into the house, so I guess it's not their fault. But still... the observable fact is that it happened after this song. When they asked me why I went to the bathroom so quickly, I told them, "I threw up." They felt pretty bad.
Steve's Basketball Skills
A New Joke
Setting: Daniel Choi, a 7-year-old son of Peter Choi from Waypoint, was riding in a car with a bunch of Praxis members from Gracepoint Berkeley
Daniel: What kind of room doesn't have any walls?
Passengers: I don't know, what?
Daniel: A mushroom! I have another one. What kind of key doesn't unlock anything?
Passengers: I don't know.
Daniel: A monkey! I have another one. What kind of tree doesn't have any leaves?
Passengers: (thinks for a bit) I don't know.
Passengers: I don't know, Daniel. What kind of tree doesn't have any leaves?
Daniel: I don't know either. I was hoping you could make something up so that I can have a new joke to tell my friends.
One pair of jeans had been hanging on our clothes rack for days.
"Whose pants are these? Who is this person not putting away her clothes?" says sister K as she snatches the jeans off the rack and interrogates her roommates one by one.
“Are these yours?” Each person responds with ease, “No, it’s not mine.”
C with her reasoning abilities logically eliminates her other roommates as the potential owner. Only K remains.
Then C asked K slowly, in a confused voice, “Are they yours?”
K takes a second look at the jeans, pauses, “Uhm… No, I don’t think so.”
The next day, K still holding onto the pair of jeans, examines the jeans more closely. She decides to put them on, and it fits her perfectly. She walks around the apartment sporting her “new” jeans.
E exclaims, “Oh, those jeans fit you so well!”
K replies, “Hmm, I wonder if they’re mine.”
E, perplexed, asks, “Don’t you remember the brand or what they look like?”
K answers, “Well, this is a Mervyn’s brand. And I do shop at Mervyn’s…”
The rest of us, trying to sympathize with her, ask her, “So, K, …how many pairs of jeans do you have?”
Submitted by Joyce Yen
English Patient: Ice Cream Sandwiches
During one of the hangout times, one brother asked an English Patient if he could go buy some ice cream sandwiches. And this is what the English Patient brought back, and said, "Here they are!"
English Patient: Music Appreciation
Setting: George Winston piano music is playing in the background
English Patient: Oooh, I like this music. I love Winston Churchill...
Tim Fitz - Frisbee
This is a true story of how Tim, currently leading one of the Kairos groups, recovered his frisbee that was thrown into the bay.
Gracepoint Berkeley Kids
Setting: My 4-year-old daughter Michelle was acting hyper, so I asked her this question...
Me: Michelle, why are you so hyper? Did you eat too much sugar or something? What did you eat?
Okay, Michelle, right now, are you calm? Or are you normal? Or are you hyper?
Michelle: I'm a cookie!
To Feel Young Again...
Pastor Manny, who is in Austin, has been a source of much laughter and joy. We miss him dearly, especially Gracepoint Berkeley, Koinonia, Directors, and Disgracepoint.
English Patient: Prayer
"Lord, through this time of prayer, please give us a time of refreshments."
Love and Marriage: Green Onions
Jessica: Thanks for doing the shopping for tonight's dinner.
James: No problem.
Jessica: (looks in the bag) Is this everything?
Jessica: But I only see 1 bunch of green onions, I asked for 6.
James: Your shopping list said 6 green onions, so I bought 6 green onions.
Jessica: I meant 6 BUNCHES of green onions.
James: But your shopping list didn't say bunches. It just said 6 green onions. All the other items on the list you specified 1 pack, 2 bags, so how was I supposed to know that you meant bunches?
Jessica: Because the grocery stores sell them by the bunch. 3 bunches for 99 cents. It should be obvious.
James: Well, you should have been more specific. I was just following the list you gave me.
Jessica: (looks at the green onions) So you happened to buy the bunch that contained 6 green onions?
James: No, that bunch contained a few more, so I took those out and just bought these.
Jessica: (long silence)
James: I'll go to Safeway right now and buy the rest.
Demotivator Caption Contest
Thankfully, we didn't actually carry through with this plan... What would be a good demotivator caption for this picture?
Maybe something to do with "SAFETY" or "MISTAKE" or "HOPE" or "FUTILITY"
Love and Marriage: Where Should We Eat?
Daniel: Where should we go eat?
Daniel: No, come on... I know you. You wanna have Korean, Mexican or Vietnamese. Where should we go?
Daniel: Anywhere? Really?
Sarah: Yes! Anywhere's fine.
Daniel: Okay, Nations.
Sarah: Oh sick!!
Daniel: (pause) How about La Pinata?
Sarah: I just had Mexican food yesterday.
Daniel: Where do you want to go, then?
Daniel: Fine, Vietnamese. Le Chavel!
Sarah: Too far.
Daniel: Spaghetti Factory?
Sarah: Oh gross!!
Daniel: What does it mean for you to say "anywhere," when whatever I suggest, you are going to reject? You don't mean anywhere!
Sarah: But Daniel, you're intentionally choosing the places that I don't like!
Sarah: (pause) Okay
Daniel: See?? I knew it! You only wanna go there! I knew it!
Sarah: If you knew it, then why didn't you just go there in the first place?
Daniel: (silence) sigh
Love and Marriage: The Dreaded Question
Brother W: The question that I dread the most is when my wife asks me, "Why did you do that??" I mean... if I knew why I did it, then I wouldn't have done it.
Normal vs. Ben & Helen
English Patient: Doors
"Who locked the doors out? Who? Who?"
-- Brother JN, trying to say: "who let the dogs out?"
Love and Marriage: Rice Pot
This is a new genre of Disgracepoint submissions that I would like to start. Here's the first submission: a conversation between me and my wife long ago.. Married couples, please submit your stories (yours can be anonymous, if you wanna be that way about it)
Sarah: I'm going to throw away our rice pot. We should buy a new one.
Sarah: Because it's broken.
Daniel: (incredulous) What do you mean, it's broken?
Sarah: The lid doesn't close anymore.
Daniel: It closes if you slam on it a little.
Sarah: No, not anymore. It doesn't close anymore, even if you slam on it.
Daniel: So you're gonna throw the whole thing away because the lid doesn't close?? I can fix that! It's just the latch! I'll just fix it!
Sarah: If you can fix it, then why didn't you fix it before?
Daniel: Why don't YOU fix it?!!?
Sarah: I don't know how!!
Daniel: It's not a matter of knowing how! It must be just a bent latch! You just unbend it! (pause) Look, I don't know how to fix it, either. Not right now! But you just have to look at it! All you have to do is look, and you can see how easy it is.
Sarah: If you don't know how to fix it, then why did you say that you can fix it?
Gracepoint Live - Elves
English Patient: Check
One of the brothers writes his roommates a check for the amount of:
"Three Hundred Thirsty Three."
English Patient: Communication
Submitted by Brother Chris Park
Brother Y: There was this yao man.....
Chris: Huh? Do you mean young man?
Brother Y: You know what I mint!
English Patient: Happy Birthday
Setting: Korean-American waitress I saw at Red Lobster who was forced to sing a birthday for a group of retired seniors. (She was fighting with another waitress about having to sing the song.)
Waitress: (with a bad attitude) Here's your cake. I will sing now. What's the birsday person's name?
Old Lady: His name is Hal.
Waitress: (sings with extremely low enthusiasm) Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, dear Hell.
Old Lady: Oh, that's Hal.
Old Lady: Hal.
Old Lady: (pause) That's okay.
Waitress: (sings) Happy birthday, dear Hell, happy birthday to you. (gives them plates in one pile and leaves)
Normal vs. Manny Kim
Pastor Manny is now the pastor who ministers to Longhorn students in Austin, Texas.
Insight: Dis-Gracepoint Preaching
A New Jacket
A brother J was walking around one day with a new jacket. Someone asked him where he got that jacket, and he said, "Oh, I just got it from the lost and found here. It's been sitting there for a long time. It looks good on me, huh?"
Then a sister said, "Wait a minute, that's Emily's jacket."
The Worst Business Names Ever
A Cantonese Restaurant I saw in San Jose long ago: Cow Dung Palace
The SHELL station on Marina and Doolittle had the lights in the "S" blown out, and they didn't replace it for a few weeks.
A restaurant in San Francisco: Taste of Greece
Disgracepoint Caption Contest Winners
English Patient: Robots
Setting: We are row-boating at a park in San Francisco, and we decide to have a rowboat race.
Brother M: Okay, let's line up our rowboats right here and start the race!
English Patient M: What? What robot race? We don't have any robots! (In Korean, robot is pronounced like: "row-boat")
An American Diner
Submitted by Jeff Liu
Waitress: So what would you like?
Brother M: I would like the club sandwich, please. Thank you.
Waitress: Would you like that with fries?
Brother M: What? With rice?
Demotivator Contest Winner
Normal vs. Tim
Tim is a dear brother who is one of the leads of Kairos Fellowship.
Gracepoint Fellowship Church Pastor: Demotivator Contest
English Patient: Dorm Pickups
Setting: English Patient Sister E (aka Sister I) sends out an email to all the Gracepoint drivers who do dorm-pickups in Berkeley, listing out the following locations:
"Foothill, Stern, and Bowels"
English Patient: License to Kill
There is an anonymous person among us who had some pride issues in high school.. She thought, "What would be a good email address to really capture who I am?" And she thought, "Well, one of my many distinct characteristics is that I'm perfect."
So she proudly chose her email address and announced it to everyone:
"Hey everyone, my new email address is firstname.lastname@example.org"
Sometimes the English language can show us profound truths about ourselves.
Chef Ko Cooking Program
The context of this video is that he was trying to make the point that even a "little bit" of sin matters a whole lot, depending on what you're putting that into.
He fed the children his home-made brownies, and then showed them this video. I'm sure that the children at the retreat will remember this message forever and how even a little bit of sin matters a lot, because that little bit of sin is like a little bit of toe-jam in your brownie.
Gracepoint Fellowship Fishing
Many years back, Steve Castro Kim took his small group guys fishing as an activity. They hadn't caught any fish for a few hours, and just when everyone was losing hope, one of the brothers caught a fish, causing everyone to celebrate. But as they pulled the fish out of the water and into their water bucket, they realized that it was like an inch too short according to the regulations, which meant that they were supposed to release the fish back into the water.
Steve told the guys, "Hey guys, we gotta put that back into the water."
The guys, however, wanted to keep the fish since it was the only fish that they caught the entire morning. They begged Steve to keep the fish, but Steve insisted, "Look, we can't keep that fish. It's too small. The ranger won't allow us to keep this fish.
When the brothers started talking about cooking the fish right there and eating it in order to get rid of the evidence, Steve's heart burned with righteous indignation. He decided that this situation was quickly spinning out of control and therefore he had to take matters into his own hands to right this wrong.
Before anyone could react, Steve ran to the bucket with the poor, entrapped fish about to be eaten illegally. He grabbed the fish out of the bucket and ran toward the water with all his might. When the other guys realized what was happening, they started to shout after Steve, saying, "No! No!"
But as Steve reached the water, instead of slowing down and gently letting the fish go into the water, he picked up speed even more. All he knew was that this small fish was in mortal danger, and he wanted it to be far away from these beastly brothers as fast as possible. It was for freedom that he was running. It was for courage to do the right thing. It was for love. So with all his might he threw the fish high up into the air, away from these brothers, away from these evil men.
The velocity with which the fish was thrown, especially the angular velocity, was so high that the fish spun through the air completely straightened, like a stick being flung into the air. It spun, and it spun - until it finally came down and hit the water with a great, big splat.Everyone, including Steve, was silent by this time, looking at the lake and trying to process what just happened. Before anyone could say a word, their beloved fish slowly floated to the top of the water, belly-up.
Someone whispered, "I think you killed it."
"No, I think it's just shocked," whispered Steve, but before he could quite finish the sentence, a large bird swooped down to the surface of the water and snatched the fish out of the water and flew away.
Demotivator Caption Contest
This is a picture of an anonymous studious brother, reading a textbook to see what he should order at a Chinese restaurant. What kind of caption would perfectly capture this picture?
Note: Be witty. I will reject submissions that demonstrate personal issues that you have with nerds who scored higher than you in all your classes.
English Patient: National Anthem
Growing up, English Patient brother Y always thought the first line to America's Star Spangled Banner was: "Jose, can you see..."
When asked why in the world he had thought this for so many years, brother Y replied, "Because America is a mixing pot."
Believe it or not, English Patient brother Y is a proud American citizen.
Setting: During one of the trips, a brother walks into the restroom and finds brother Matthew Kim of SF Gracepoint leaning against the wall, with a depressed look on his face, holding his toothbrush.
Brother: What's wrong?
Brother Matthew: [silent, still holding onto his toothbrush, looking down]
Brother: Is everything okay?
Brother Matthew: Why... why did someone leave the baby diaper rash medicine next to the sink?
Grumpy Old Men
Richard and I sometimes joke that pretty soon, we won't have to wear these makeup to play the Grumpy Old Men.
English Patient: Wireless Communication
"Oh wow, that thing in your ear... is that black tooth?"
Sorry for the graphic imagery invoked by this quote.
MVP of Disgracepoint Fellowship
We are thankful to Sister G for providing 80% of all the English Patient quotes. I was just told that even the recent post "Carpool" was Sister G's quote. Thank you for being a good sport and providing us with much joy.
Epoch of Gracepoint Fellowship Church
Steve has since moved on from his breakdancing career to lead one of the mid-sized groups in acts2fellowship in Gracepoint Fellowship Church.
English Patient: Carpool
"Can we go home so that we can collapse our cars and come to the meeting together?"
Gracepoint Berkeley - Hans and Franz
This is a video of us doing the emcee acts when Gracepoint Live used to be called "Christian Festival".
Disgracepoint Berkeley poll
Thinking Before Speaking
"Hey Kosit, what's your Thai name?"
"Hey, what's Clinton's last name?"
"So you have class at 9? What time?"
Another brother said: "Wow! I was the only non-Caucasian female in there!.. Wait, wait! Let me rephrase that... there were a lot of Caucasian females, besides me."
English Patient: Feedback
Sister G: "Hello everyone, please fill out the evaluation form to give us feedback on how things went this semester. And you should just be honest and give us any feedback you want, because it's going to be unanimous."
Pastor William's Skills
Afterwards, he smiled and just turned away, knowing fully well how this clip will be used, probably thinking, "What have I done?"
Steve - Our Hero
This doesn't really belong in disgracepoint, since there's nothing disgraceful about this, but I thought that it deserves a mention. Steve's marathon video is here at his koinonia-hg8 site.
The other characters that show up on the video, however, might qualify for disgracepoint.
English Patient: Soup or Salad?
Waitress: Would you like soup or salad?
English Patient: Yes.
Waitress: (pause, slower) Would you like soup or salad?
English Patient: yes, I like super salad.
Another Post by Pastor Ed Kang
Here's another funny post by Pastor Ed - "At the Peak of My Game: A Message to the Aging at Gracepoint Fellowship".
I have to admit that Pastor Ed is indeed at the peak of his game. But as some of the previous posts (e.g., Gracepoint Sports Highlights) show, it's not clear which game he's talking about.
At a Korean Restaurant
Anonymous Brother T, the owner of Dish-Gracepoint blog, who is quite bad at Korean, keeps on trying to order food in Korean at a Korean restaurant... After several attempts, the waiter finally says to brother T:
"Ummm... excuze me, can you prease speak Engrish?"
Brother Steve, who is better in Korean than the previously-mentioned brother T by a very slight margin, says to the waitress:
Which translates to: "I am spicy pork."
p.s.: Brother Steve was a valedictorian in his Korean school while growing up.
Thanksgiving Carol @ Gracepoint, Berkeley
Element dept from Gracepoint Berkeley gave these as a present to the teachers
Our Austin Team Reminiscent of Berkeley
Setting: Pastor Manny and others in the Gracepoint Austin team are playing basketball at a gym in UT Austin.
Austin Student #1: What!? Manny, you're THAT old? I can't believe it! I had no idea!
Pastor Manny: [smiles] Oh nice.
Austin Student #2: You're pretty good. You know, my dad - he was also into basketball in the 80's like you.
Gracepoint Basketball Fellowship
Obviously, Jeannie Lee was the MVP. Awesome point guard - reminds us of what Jason Kidd did for the Cal team.
But who might qualify for the LVP is a debatable question.
Some have commented that Susanna Lee of Waypoint would make a very good volleyball setter. Also, some have commented that there is a noise decibel difference between a brothers basketball game and a sisters basketball game.
Normal vs. Dan & Hannah
Dan's imitations are amazing, especially that of Andy Tung.
A Disgracepoint Story by Pastor Ed
Pastor Ed wrote up a hilarious story that I would like to point to. (did you even know that Pastor Ed's been writing articles for a few years onto our "notebook" section?)
Check it out.. Go to www.gracepointonline.org/notebook, then follow the link for Pastor Ed. Or you can go directly to the story here: "A Story with Way Too Much Information"
I read it, and it's too good not to share with others. And since disgracepoint gets more hits than Pastor Ed's notebook (not sure what to think about that), I thought I should advertise for it here.
Warning: this story is not for the squeamish!
Summer IM Soccer
"Hey, guess what. I scored the winning goal today in the final seconds of the game! But it was against my own team."
-- An A2F1 Junior brother who will remain anonymous to the end, no matter what the pictures may say
Sierra Lodge Promo Video by Pastor Ed Kang
This is one of the many videos that Pastor Ed made during our Sierra Lodge building project in order to motivate people to volunteer and come help us build.
English Patient: Hot Dogs
A2F1 Tom Kim has started a great site for all small groups and would-be cooks - it's called Dish-Gracepoint, accessible at: http://dishgracepoint.blogspot.com
Take a look at that site before cooking anything! It also has the weekly special deals on where to go to buy meat that week.
Tom's motto has always been: "I can feed the multitude for $2 per person." And with this new site, that personal dream is fast becoming a church-wide vision.
Gracepoint Austin - Youth farewell
English Patient: Trash Day
English patient G was with her group, breaking the 30-Hour Famine fast together. Afterwards, as she was taking out the trash, sister G turns and asks her students very sincerely:
"Who wants to take a dump?"
Dis-Gracepoint Fellowship Picture Contest!
In order to give it some time for picture submission, Disgracepoint will not publish any more posts for a few days, so that there is some artificial buildup created with this contest.
Dis-Gracepoint Fellowship Gold Winner: Leadership
Thank you for voting. We're closing the votes as of today, and here are the results:
Gold: (Submitted by Greg Davis)
Silver: (Submitted by Daniel Kim)
Bronze: (Submitted by Danny Orozco)
This last one is a late submission, but I thought that it deserved to be shown.
Dishonorable Mention: (Submitted by Laurence Lok)
Dis-Gracepoint Fellowship Church Poll
We're taking a poll for the Caption Contest, which can be seen here. The poll is on the right side, and you can vote for multiple choices, so please vote!
English Patient: Skillets
"Hello everyone, for this upcoming retreat, could you let me know if we could borrow your electric skillets for our laptops?"
-- a mass email sent out by an English patient sister
Demotivator Caption Contest
The picture below (submitted by Johnny Yang) is in need of a demotivator caption. It's a picture of a particular brother who was supposed to babysit and put the child to sleep.
Disgracepoint will not post anything for a few days, in order to highlight this contest. Please provide your captions in the comments.
Inaugural Shot in Sierra Lodge
English Lesson: Importance of the Article "a"
Setting: Friday night midnight, coming out of Albany Bowling Alley (not the best place to be at midnight). One of the brothers start running in the parking lot toward my car, shouting:
"I got a shotgun! I got a shotgun!"
It's amazing how a single letter can be the difference between life and death.
How Did You Know?
Setting: Elise (3-years-old) riding in the backseat of the car I was driving, suddenly I realize she's chewing on something, when I didn't give her anything to eat.
Daniel: Elise! What are you eating?
Daniel: Tell me, Elise. What are you eating??
Daniel: (nicely) Okay, but what does it taste like?
Elise: (thinking that this is a safe question to answer) Like booger..
Daniel: Oh sick! Elise! Are you eating your booger??
Elise: Yeah... ("How did you know?")
Gracepoint Darth Dorks
Story: Pastor Jonathan of Waypoint almost died watching this video. He was alone in his home when he first watched this, and he started to laugh and got an asthma attack. He couldn't stop laughing, but he started to run out of oxygen, so he crawled to his inhaler and barely got the medication on time. He reportedly thought to himself as he was crawling desperately to the inhaler, "this would be a very bad way to go for a pastor." Indeed, that would not have been a very God-honoring way to die.
Another story: We filmed this at Pacifica Beach.. It looks so empty, because when we arrived there with our costumes on, the people who were there moved to another place without us asking them to. That was very nice of them.
Announcement: Publish Days
As many of you may have noticed, the posts on Disgracepoint have been lined up and are automated to be published daily at 5pm, PST. I was originally proud of myself for doing this, because that means I don't have to do anything for a long time.
But then I realized that when August comes (which is when the posts start running out), then I will have to work hard again and collect new stories to keep this site alive. And that thought caused my laziness to extend itself into the future, and I thought, "I don't want to work in August, either." Some have said that laziness/procrastination is a vice that only knows of the present moment. Well, I proved them wrong.
So that means that I need to maximize the stories that are lined up right now, and the laziest way to do that is to publish the posts every OTHER day instead of daily. And that's exactly what's going to happen.
Instead of daily publishing, I will be publishing things every other day (and sometimes, depending on whether or not I want feedback, I will give it a few days so that it doesn't just get pushed down the page so quickly)
Thank you for your patronage of disgracepoint. Please keep the new stories and comments flowing!
English Lesson: Improper Proper Nouns
Setting: Sister J and Pastor William Kang's family (with Caleb, who was 5 years old then) is coming out of the movie theatre, after having watched Toy Story.
Sister J: Hey Caleb, did you like that movie?
Sister J: Yeah? Did you like Bud Light?
That the World May Know -- John Really Cares
The original "That the World May Know" video that started the series... Which became an instant Gracepoint classic.
These are all based on true stories. Some might even argue that they are exactly true stories.
Mist at the Pulpit
Only preachers and teachers can understand this. But some have asked, "if there's a fog at the pulpit, then what?"
Beware of Health Club "Free Trials"
This is a true story of a particular brother E who, upon receiving a month-long "free trial" coupon, went into the health club intending to just get one month of free usage.
But as this brother will testify, it's not that easy.
One day, a huge, 225 lb staff member of the health club with arms the size of brother E's waistline approached brother E and asked if he can come inside his office.
"What's your health worth to you?" asked the huge guy - a rather typical starter for these buff salesmen.
"It's... um... important," said brother E.
"How important is it? Is it important enough to spend just 1 dollar a day?" asked the huge guy.
Knowing where this is going, brother E tried to avoid these questions, and just kept on saying that he just wants to try it out for 1 month and see. This persistence of brother E seemed to be wearing the huge guy down, because he started to use level 2 tactics.
"Okay, let's just be frank here," said the huge guy, "if you are just here for the free trial thing, then if you need me to spot you or something, then I'm not gonna be motivated to do anything for you, because I wanna take care of my paid customers, you know what I'm sayin'?"
"That's okay, I'm okay with that," said brother E with a smile.
It is said that that particular smile is what really compelled the huge guy to skip over level 3 and 4 and go right into level 5 tactics...
The huge guy suddenly got quiet and stared into E's eyes. Then with all seriousness, he said, "Take a look at your arms right now... Go ahead.. Take a look."
Brother E didn't know where this was going, but not knowing how to refuse such a simple request, he made the mistake of looking at his own arms.
"Do you want those arms for the rest of your life?" the huge man asked.
Next thing brother E remembers is signing the 2-year contract for $800. After that incident, brother E recounts going there only 2 more times, which makes each visit calculate out to be $400 each.
This demotivator is based on what Pastor Ed Kang and Kelly Kang often talk about - the ridiculousness of playing Gameboy in front of Grand Canyon or Yosemite.
Sierra Lodge Stories
Setting: Sister J and her friends came to Sierra Lodge to volunteer their work, and the foreman gave them the job of staining the deck.
Foreman: Okay, get the bucket, and just brush the stain on the underside of the deck. Do NOT stain the other parts. Just the underside, where people can't see it. The other visible parts have to be stained with a different color.
[30 minutes later]
J: Ummm... I'm sorry. But I accidentally stained the outside. Can we undo the stain or cover it up with the right color stain?
Foreman: (sigh) No, you can't undo stains, and we can't cover it.
Foreman: Well, that's okay. There's another deck around the corner. Do the same thing. Just stain the underside. And do NOT stain the visible parts.
J: Got it!
Foreman: You sure?
J: (laughing) Don't worry!!
[30 minutes later]
J: Ummm... we did it again.
Normal vs. Pastor William
Wash Your Hands with Water, Please
Setting: After staining the deck of Sierra Lodge, a bunch of sisters who were peer groups with sister M were pretty tired and ready to wash up and go home.
Foreman: Great job on the staining. You can wash your hands, and make sure that you wash the rags thoroughly, because they can spontaneously combust.
[2 minutes later]
M: Umm.. we're having problems with the water... We turn it on, but water's not coming out.
Foreman: Uh.. that's the propane gas valve.
Normal vs. Pengs
A tribute to Eugene and Cynthia, who are ministering to Taiwanese students in Hsinchu through our Hsinchu ministry.
p.s.: Eugene's nickname among the directors is "hecka hakka". It's because he's heck of a Hakka (a subgroup of Chinese/Taiwanese)
While building Sierra Lodge, a particular brother was given the task of cutting rectangular holes into the floor so that we can have heater vents on the floor. Tim Fitz came back to find this hole as pictured.
Note the fact that the hole is not parallel to the wall, and the fact that they used a piece of plywood to try to make the HVAC metal boot fit into the trapezoidal hole. Tim looked at this hole and sarcastically said, "Umm... you know that you're supposed to cut straight lines, right?"
To which, the unnamed brother replied, "Oh, really?"
The Official Drink of Gracepoint Video Team
Need for Calcium
Setting: Brother J goes into Jamba Juice
J: Umm... I usually add calcium to my drink, but I don't see that option anymore...
Cashier: Yeah, we no longer have that option.. But we do have extra calcium in the "Fem Boost" option.
J: (looks around and whispers) Yeah, could I have strawberry with Fem Boost?
[2 minutes later]
Cashier: (shouts) Strawberry with Fem Boost for Jammy!!
I Came Alive
Mama's Boys Music Video
Instant classic, from a Thanksgiving Celebration of Gracepoint, Berkeley
Things You Should Never Say Without Certainty
"Oh my gosh, congratulations, when's the due date for the baby?"
These kinds of comments were mistakenly said many times in Gracepoint. I was a witness to one of them, and let me tell you - just get out of the room when you hear this, unless you enjoy extremely awkward situations.
Prayer of a Child
The night before I left for Taiwan Summer Mission trip 2008, around the dinner table, my wife Sarah asked the kids who would like to pray for my trip. My younger daughter Michelle (4) volunteered and said this touching prayer:
"Dear God, thank you for daddy going to Taiwan. Please help him to be healthy. Please help him to be good in Taiwan, and help him to be nice to people in Taiwan. Please help him to be really strong in Taiwan. And please help him to not kill anyone. Because it's really bad to kill someone. In Jesus' name, Amen."
I think in the middle of the prayer, she remembered what she learned in Joyland during the Ten Commandments series.
For whose sake I have lost all things . . . .
Daniel Kim has lost his luggage. This might have been admirable had his loss occurred in the course of his service to Christ on the mission field, tirelessly preaching the Gospel without regard to himself or his worldly possessions. Alas, that was not the case.
The above photograph was taken yesterday, at 2:50 pm, two hours before the Taiwan Mission Team was to depart from SFO. Daniel is pictured standing in the Gracepoint Berkeley church building parking lot, eagerly seeking and saving the lost.
May his example inspire all of us staying behind to support the entire mission team with our prayers.
"Okay, bye... Don't worry about here while you're gone, I'll hold down the fork."
"Dear God, we pray together as a church that You protect us, because we know that the devil is like a rolling lion..."
That the World May Know...
Beauty vs. Excellence
BTW, the saying regarding beauty was meant to talk about beauty in terms of Christian character. Kind of like, "there are many competent people, but very few loving people.." Within that context, this poster was made.
Idiocy - Gracepoint Brothers at Dana House
At Dana House, a house where many of our GFC brothers live in, there's an annual tradition for all the guys to take a picture with suit on top and shorts on the bottom.
Many think that these guys embody the caption of this picture perfectly.
The writer of this article has deleted this post, because the reporting was based on 10% solid fact, 40% doubtable fact, 20% exaggeration from those facts, and 30% based on what would really sound really funny if people actually said them.
For those who get confused by these articles, I recommend that you familarize yourself with the genre at: www.larknews.com
The Best Basketball Team in Gracepoint Church
A particular anonymous director brother who is also a pastor going to Austin has been going around challenging various brothers from different peer groups of Gracepoint church, claiming that his class peers can beat any other peer brothers in a game of basketball. The only caveat is that his class will only play the "bottom 5" players of each class.
When asked about the fairness of such a setup, his defense is that "it doesn't matter if the Lakers didn't have their best players during a particular game against the Celtics. If they lose, we can still legitimately say that the Celtics beat the Lakers."
What are your thoughts about this brother's endeavor to play the "bottom 5" of every class?
Demotivator Contest Winners
Thank you for your submissions. Please click on the picture if you want to see (and download) a higher-res version.
p.s.: By the way, the results of the poll taken clearly show (out of almost 100 people, 70% have said) that they want more disgrace coverage on this particular pastor.
Quotable by A2F Pastor Will
"Hurting is painful"
-- A point made during a Friday night A2F Bible study by Pastor William, immediately after which he said:
"Uh oh... is that going to end up in disgracepoint?"
Prayer - Demotivator
Thanks to Calvin (soph, A2F) for the submission. This is going to be hard to beat.
For those who don't know - there's this ramp in Willard's education building, where some of our Gracepoint Element youth (and our college sophomores with too much time) would ride the rolling office chairs down. Because it's so smooth, you can pick up speed down that ramp pretty quickly, and the scariest thing is during that whole ride, it feels like the chair can flip over at any time, spitting you out face-first onto the concrete.
I don't know why James, our praise leader, decided to do this, but you can see on his face that he's praying with his eyes open.
English Lesson: Importance of the Article "the"
Setting: In a meeting, we were planning on teachers visiting various youth students during the week. Then suddenly one person said:
"Hey! Who wants to go to the John's with me?"
We Want Your Votes
Setting: A certain brother S is at a restaurant and is looking at the menu...
Brother S: Yeah, I would like to have some horse divorce.
Friend: Umm.. you mean hors d'oeuvres?
Brother S: How would I know? I don't speak Spanish!
What picture would fit the best here? Look through your picture folder and please submit some pictures. (email them to me)
Tip: The best demotivator pictures are often subtle, non-posed pictures.
Lem, one of the strongest brothers at Waypoint Community Church
Setting : A Slack message goes out regarding moving boxes -- "For the smaller boxes, let's try to fit them into our trunks of car...
This is another classic video -- Pastor Ed's sports highlights... It's kind of sad to say, but Pastor Ed Kang ( Gracepoint Berkeley...
Hello, Although it is painful for me to allow this submission, please provide a caption for this picture by commenting on this post. This...
The predominant response of people who have seen this picture of Jasper wearing a bullfighter outfit has been, “Why, why why??” In response,...