1/31/10

Happy Birthday

A story of how a group of peer brothers celebrated one of their own's birthday...

A particular brother emails his peers from Taiwan to remind them that it's Brother K's 30th birthday.  So they plan to have a nice breakfast on Saturday morning.  Even though he's really busy, Brother R stays up all night to make a nice frame celebrating his 30th.  On Saturday morning, they get together and this is the conversation that they had.

Brother R: Okay, I guess we're waiting for Brother K...  Wow, big 30.

Brother D: Actually... it's not his 30th.  It's actually his 29th birthday.

Brother R: What??  Are you serious?  How long did you know about this?

Brother D: Since I got the email, I knew that it wasn't his 30th.

Brother R: I can't believe you didn't tell us.  I made the frame and everything!  Well, I guess we can just explain to him why the words on the frame are wrong.  How come he's not here?

Brother W: Actually, he's not around.  He went down to San Jose.

Brother R: What??

Brother W: Yeah.

Brother R: And you knew about this?

Brother D: How come you didn't tell us?

Brother W: [silence]  Let's just have breakfast.

1/29/10

English Patient: Common Suns

submitted by Yumi

Setting: Sister Y and Yumi are ironing the welcome team shirts at North Loop.

Sister Y: Okay, so should we go for the matte finish or the Satan-y finish?

Yumi:  Satan?  You mean satiny?

Sister Y: Oh my gosh!  Yeah.  That's what I meant!  (laugh)  How come I make all these English mistakes?

Yumi: That's okay.

Sister Y: Yumi, I want to make suns when I talk.  I want to make suns!

1/27/10

English Patient: A Cure-All Medicine

Friend: Hey, when you get sick, you should have warm soup.

English Patient Sister C: When you get a cold, you should drink euthanasia tea.

Friend: (pause) Do you mean Echinacea tea? (pause) I mean, I guess euthanasia tea would also put an end to the sickness...

1/25/10

Athletes

Setting: A bunch of people are talking about professional athletes and what future they have as their bodies age.
Friend1: So sad, their career is over at age 30 or something.
Friend2: Well, George Foreman did okay. He has a business and everything.
Friend1: That’s true.
Sister E: (confused) Yeah… But I thought we were talking about athletes. Why are we talking about a grill-maker?

1/23/10

English Patient: Word Order

Sister C: Did you know that she drank fresh milk in her hometown?  Isn't that kind of gross?

Sister: So they actually had a cow??

Sister C: Yeah!  Yeah!  They cowed the milk!

1/21/10

New Potato Chips Flavor

submitted by Annie Kim

Setting: Sister A and Sister W were talking about different flavors of chips.  Sister W's favorite flavor was Caesar Salad flavor.

Instead, Sister W says, "Oh!!  I really really like the Cesar Chavez flavor"

1/19/10

Fill Them Both

Brother D: Okay, what can I do with these two water jugs?

Friend: Fill them both.

Brother D: Okay.

(A few minutes later, Brother D shows up to Phil and Bo’s house with two empty water jugs.)

1/17/10

Unhappy Hour

One Tuesday night before prayer meeting, Brother M and Brother K are ordering food at Sun Hong Kong during their all-popular Happy Hour. When Brother M requests beef chow fun, the waiter explains that they've run out of this particular dish.

Brother M: In that case, can I have 'ho fun'?
Waiter (irritated): NO FUN! NO FUN!
At the moment this waiter said that, Brother M did not realize that "fun" meant rice noodles.

1/15/10

Disgracepoint Classic Demotivator

Here's an old demotivator contest that needed to be appreciated again..

http://www.disgracepointonline.org/2008/07/dis-gracepoint-fellowship-gold-winner.html

1/13/10

Princess

Setting: 5-year-old Michelle makes this speech in front of her family members.

Michelle: Mommy! You are a princess!

Mom: Wow, really?

Michelle: Daddy! You’re a prince!

Dad: Okay.

Michelle: Grandma, you’re the cook!

Grandma: ??

Michelle: Elise (her older sister), you’re the servant!

Elise: What??

Michelle: And everyone!! Everyone needs to listen to me, because I’m the queen!!

1/11/10

English Patient: Borrowing Money

English Patient Sister C: Oh, I forgot to bring money. Can I smooch off you?

1/9/10

Matching Colors

submitted by Yumi

Yumi walks into the Y one day and is greeted by Brother B.  As she walks by him, B stops Yumi and asks with a smile, "Hey Yumi, you really like brown, don't you?" 

After looking at herself and realizing that she was wearing brown sweatshirt and green pants, she answers, "Yah, I guess so."

"You're the only person I know who wears brown head-to-toe," said B.

"Oh my gosh, you're color-blind!  I'm wearing green pants!" Yumi exclaimed.

What's seems amazing to me is not the severity of Brother B's color-blindness, but the fact that he says stuff like this.

1/7/10

Please Vote!

Hello,

Please vote for your favorite caption on the poll to the right.  This is for the picture posted here:
http://www.disgracepointonline.org/2009/12/demotivator-contest.html

1/5/10

Comebacks

Setting: Brother W and his wife E were driving to a place where Brother W would be teaching the Bible study.

Sister E: So what do you think about these issues? There are so many things to think about.

Brother W: I know, but let’s not talk about that right now, because I gotta concentrate.

Sister E: But we need to talk through these items. I’m so stressed.

Brother W: You’re stressed? Hey, at least you don’t have to teach Bible studies!

Sister E: At least you don’t have to listen to them!

At this point, Brother W, who is a good sport about bantering, was first shocked, but then realized that his wife bested him, and said, “Wow! That’s a good one!!”

1/3/10

Warmth

trash

On our trip to Grand Canyon, us pampered Californians soon discovered that the chilly Arizona proved to be too much for us.
In desperation, we found ourselves having a new idol... the bright brown trash can, which was very warm from absorbing much heat from the sunlight.

Before we know it, we were all crowded around that new idol of ours, touching it, leaning on it, hugging it, worshipping it...

It is another example of just how weak human body is.

1/1/10

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year, everyone!

Let's together commit to a new year's resolution -- that we will submit at least one story to disgracepoint this year, or at least do something that is worthy of others telling disgracepoint about.  Really, we're running low on stories.

Happy new year, happy new decade.