Setting: Michelle Sun, the director of Joyland children’s ministry, has a meeting with all the volunteer adults who will help out with Joyland Christmas Celebration.
Michelle: Who can tell me the reason why we have our children do JCC?
Volunteer: To learn about Thanksgiving!!
submitted by Anonymous Brother’s roommate
Anonymous Brother: I didn’t get what Daniel was supposed to be in Thanksgiving Celebration.. Why was he wearing a white suit?
Brother K: I think he was supposed to be like Elvis Presley.
Anonymous Brother: Who’s that? Is he someone in Gracepoint?
A few weeks after Parent Teacher Conference and the bewildering talk with his 1st grade daughter, the father has a little chat with his daughter again...
Father: So, how's school been?
Father: Have you been a good girl in class?
Daughter: (pause) I think so.
Father: Have you been speaking too loud in class?
Father: (concerned) Have you been too loud?
Daugther: (long pause) I don't think so...
Father: Okay, have you gotten in trouble in class recently?
Daughter: What do you mean "recently"?
Father: I just had the conference with your teacher.
Daughter: What did she say?
Father: She said that you're a good student, and that your behavior in class got much much better. She said that you listen and that you now have an indoor voice. So keep it up.
Daughter: Oh, okay.
Father: So... what caused you to change?
Daughter: Well, about 2 weeks ago, I remembered that there's going to be a parent-teacher conference.. And so I wanted the teacher to think that I... (pause) you know.
Father: [pause] So you crammed behavioral change???
"My 7th grade teacher was so scary that no one dared to go out, even when the bell rang. We didn't have any recessions."
Friend1: Oh my gosh! I didn't hit her at all! My feast was so far away!
Friend2: You mean your "fist".
Friend1: Yeah, that's what I meant.
Sister F: Umm.. what's the difference?
Since we're having Thanksgiving Celebration today where you will be exposed to more disgraceful acts than you care to witness, we will not be posting anything for this day. We would probably need a few days of rest to recover emotionally from TC.
And she exclaims, "Gross! Why he steal someone's bread when it's in his mouth?"
Setting: At Gracepoint SD, they were preparing the lil' smokies for the post Bible-study bonfire.
Brother R: Hey, I bought some vegetarian smokies, so don't mix the two packages, okay?
Sister: I don't see any vegetarian ones...
Brother R: It's right there. (points to bag)
Sister: But that bag says it's turkey smokies.
Brother R: Yeah, so set that aside for vegetarians.
Sister: (pause) But turkey is meat.
Brother R: [silence]
Brother W: I work at a solar company...
Sister Y: So you make solar panels?
Brother W: Yeah, we do that, but also work on the entire system from batteries to wiring and things... So we set up the entire solar system.
Sister Y: (quite serious) What? Only God makes solar systems!!
NOTE: Sister Y claimed later that she was just joking, and that she was just making fun of Brother W's awkward expression "solar system". It only goes to show you the prejudice against English Patients, who can't even say clever word puns without being misunderstood. I believe Sister Y.
Sister H: Good! Ok how about 'mat'?
Sister H: Good! How about 'pat'?
Sister H: What makes the 'puh' sound?
Sister H: No...
Sister H: No...
Friend1: Today, I saw a girl with a British accent come into the store, and when she realized that the price she had to pay was higher than the price listed, I heard her mutter "Americans" under her breath.
Friend2: Yeah, because in England, the sales tax is included in the listed price.
Sister Y: In China, there is NO SUCH THING as tax.. (after a short pause, softly) Americans.
The word was "Alibi", and the clue that was given: "This is what you sing to babies to make them fall asleep!"
The word was "Blush" and the clue was: "This is what you use to clean your teeth!"
The word was "Scientist", and an English Patient brother, who is a science-major said: "This word describes me!" and his teammates shouted, "FOB!"
If you took MYT for video editing before and want to brush up on your skills, you are welcome to try to come up with your own music video using the footage from Evil Beanbag. You can download all 3 episodes from the vimeo account.
The lyrics of this music by Disciple goes well with the whole theme of the Pause series.
Driver: We live right by the Mississippi River, and we are about to drive over it.
Brother E: Oh wow, so the Mississippi River is man-made, huh?
It was faint, but then the alarm sound started to get louder and louder... and then Brother R comes into the room, and says, "Do you hear that alarm sound? I'm trying to figure out where it's coming from."
And then as Brother R leaves the room, the alarm sound got fainter again.
Brother R, of course, had a hard time finding the source of that sound, because from his perspective, the volume of the alarm seemed constant, no matter where he went. It was a few minutes before Brother R realized that the alarm sound was coming from his own cell phone.
Sister V, who was sitting next to Sister Y, quickly tries to stop her, saying, "No, you don't. Don't say whatever you're going to say, because you don't."
Despite the warning, Sister Y kept on insisting that she DID understand the humor, and despite multiple attempts to stop her, Sister Y blurts out, "It's funny because it's supposed to be James Bond!"
English Patient J: What's funny?
Friend: Here, check out this misspelling! (gives the DVD)
English Patient J: (scans the DVD cover very carefully, with a slightly confused look... and then suddenly, a lightbulb goes on in his eyes, and he says) Ahhh!! That's funny! Supremacy!! ha ha ha.
These are all based on true stories. Some might even argue that they are exactly true stories.
John is now at Gracepoint Minneapolis Church, which is a new church plant in Minnesota.
Friend1: Isn't there one called Moody Theological Seminary?
Friend2: Yeah, but I think there's another one that's named after D.L. Moody.
Sister V: Oh, you mean Moody Fashion Institute?
Brother L: Man! John Korea was so good today!
Brother D: What?? No way! John Korea?
Brother L: Yeah, he's good. I'd take John Korea over you.
Brother D: No! You're kidding me! I'm offended!
Brother L: Seriously, he's pretty good.
Brother D: All right! That's it! Me and John Korea, 1-on-1. Let's organize it.. I will totally school... Wait... [long pause] Who's John Korea?
Note: Some brothers mocked John Ko for running away from the fallen Death Star like a little cry-baby. We could not reach John Ko for comments. However, there were brothers (not shown in the video) who were actually in the house, who were so afraid that they ran away to the other side of the building, even though they were inside the house. After this video came out, Pastor Ed Kang started to tell the brothers that they were being little cry-babies and claimed that he could crush those wasps nests with his hammer, right in front of his face. The next time we went up to the Sierra Lodge with Pastor Ed, I challenged him to actually do it, and to my amazement, he actually did it even with wasps circling around him! It turned out to be a good story, because he didn't get eaten up by the angry wasps, otherwise this story would be quite different.
Sister K: "Umm... so it's like we're trees that have been cut at the roots... and we are dead, but not really... well... umm... Actually, could I just talk like I'm a tree?"
Setting: Class of '09 brothers are visiting Gracepoint Austin and asking Pastor Manny what would be a good activity to do in Austin on Saturday.
Brother: So what should we do the rest of the afternoon here in Austin?
Pastor Manny: Since you guys are going to the Texas State history museum, I think it would be nice to also go to the LBJ library.
Brother: What? Lebron James has a library here in Austin!!? Awesome!!!
Brother B: When I first saw Mt. Rushmore, I was really impressed. And also when I saw Mt. Doom.
Friend: (pause) Mt. Doom?
Brother B: You know, that mountain in Yosemite.
Brother C: Do you mean Half Dome?
Brother J: Wow,, look at the new post on Dis-Gracepoint. Sister A actually said this about the betta fish.
Brother T: Haha, ya...thats so funny...beta doesnt mean 'not real'. Gmail is still in beta and is very real.
Friend 1: Really? I said that to you? I can't believe that! Was that in my BC (Before Christ) days?
Friend 2: Nope, AC.
Friend 3: AC but NT.
Friend 2: What's that?
Friend 3: After Christ, but Not Transformed.
Friend 1: That's D-U-M-B.
Sister Y: What's that?
One more announcement... During the summer, we are going to stretch out the posts by not posting on Saturdays or Sundays. Those days are low-viewing days, according to google analytics, so we're not going to post on those days during the summer, and then we'll start to post every odd day again starting fall.
In those days, you can visit the punwithgracepoint site!
I am happy to announce that the Pun with Gracepoint has come back. There was a time when disgracepoint tried to do a takeover on the pun site by featuring our own puns, but we had realized how grave of a mistake that was.. not because those puns were horrible, but mostly because we had failed to realize how many of our loyal disgracepoint readers were English Patients, who were simply dumbfounded by these puns which they could not comprehend. So we had come up with an exit strategy.
Now, however, enough time has passed to allow the pain to heal, we are happy to announce to you the PunWithGracepoint site again, proudly standing independently from disgracepoint. We are proud of them, and although the exit strategy was abrupt and painful, we are happy that punwithgracepoint is alive and well, despite the fact that it still remains to be very unfriendly toward English Patients.
Check out their latest puns at: http://punwithgracepoint.blogspot.com/
Sister S: Today, when I saw the lyrics "angels and men adore", I was really surprised, because all this time, I thought it was "angels and minotaurs"
Friend: (pause) And you never thought that was strange?
Sister S: No.
Brother JC: Father Abraham had many sons… many sons had Father Abraham… and I am one of them, and so are you… so let’s all praise the Lord…
Brother JK: Oh my gosh!!! That song was about Abraham in the Bible? I always thought that it was about Abraham Lincoln!
Trainer: All right… so let’s talk about your nutrition. What kinds of meats do you like?
Brother B: I like pork and beef.
Trainer: (concerned).. Well, do you like chicken?
Brother B: Oh yeah! I love KFC.
Trainer: (pause) Alright… let’s do lunges now.
Brother B: Okay, where?
Brother B: Where do you want to eat lunch?
It is not clear to this day what this English Patient meant to say. Some say that it might have been an accidental combination of "Big Boss" or "Big Shot"...
Brother S: Hey, why is this ice cream scooper so cold?
Friend: Because it was used to scoop ice cream.
Brother S: No, I mean it's really cold. Almost frozen. It's like it was in ice or something.
Friend: Yeah... it was used to scoop ice cream.
Sister S: Did you get enough to drink today? You don't drink enough water.
Sister D: Yes, I'm drinking Gatorade right now.
Sister S: (announces to the entire group) Hey everyone!! Whenever you're with Sister D, you need to make sure she's drunk!"
Friend: Which one? 7-Eleven?
Brother J: No, Amazing PM!
Friend: Huh? I think you mean AM PM
Brother J: Oh yeah.. Why is it called AM PM anyway? What does that mean?
Sister M: Can I have your pickles?
Sister S: What? He has pitbulls?
Sister M: I said pickles!! Ha ha, that's funny! You thought I said pimples!
Sister S: What?
Sister M: That's you said, pimples!
Sister S: No! You said pitbulls!
(at this point, the brother slowly gets up and moves away from these crazed sisters)
Interviewer: So what 3 words would describe you?
Brother M: Umm.. hard-working.. naive... and.. monster.
Interviewer: Naive? Monster??
Brother M: Yeah. Monster.
Interviewer: Can you explain why "monster" would describe you?
Brother M: Because when I'm on the basketball court, I'm a MONSTER!!
(note: Brother M was offered a job from this company)
Staff: Oh my gosh! That's a lot of stuff that we need to think about!
Sister S: Okay, everyone. Calm down, and let's think about the steps one at a time and have a mental breakdown.
Note to all English Patients: There's a big difference between "mentally breaking it down" and a "mental breakdown". Don't ask me why. That's just how weird English is.
Sister J: Oh my gosh, have you noticed that red building? There are always so many police cars right around that building. I would hate to work in that building.
Sister L: That’s because it’s the police station.
Brother T: Hey, nice deck! I like the grill!
Pink House Resident: I know, right?
Sister L: I like the flowers!
Pink House Resident: We have flowers? I didn't know that. I only knew about the grill.
NOTE: Do you think the particular Pink House Resident really didn't notice the flowers? Or do you think he was pretending out of insecurity, since his house's name is, after all, Pink House?
English Patient J: Yeah, he’s out of sight.
English Patient J: Oh, I meant he’s nowhere to be seen.
Student: [still confused]
English Patient J: No, what I meant was that he’s invisible.
I started working as a research assistant at a Neurology lab at UCSF, and one of the things I have to do is to administer this screening test to see if patients have MCI, or mild cognitive impairment, which is usually prevalent in older adults and it's a sign that the person's brain might be degenerating. As part of the training, I myself had to undergo this test too to see how it is administered as well as administering it to another person. Before taking the test, the post doc told me in a serious/joking tone that because I'm very young, I should be able to answer all the questions on the test, and if I have problem answering some of the easy questions on the test, I might have MCI. I started laughing because I knew he was joking, but inside I was kind of nervous too because what if I do have brain problem? My memory isn't that good! So we began the test, and the first couple of questions were really easy, like what is your name? What is today's date...etc, but when we got to what county we were in, I got kind of nervous because I didn't know which county San Francisco belongs to. And then he asked me what season it is right now, and I wasn't sure if it was still winter or if it was spring already, so I said I think it might be still winter, but it might be spring too because it's spring semester at Berkeley, haha. And I saw him staring at me kind of weird and concerned and wrote down something in his notebook, so I felt kind of embarrassed and nervous about what I had just said. Then he asked me to spell the word "world" backwards. I think because at that point I had lost all confidence in myself for not knowing the county of San Francisco and the season, I couldn't spell "world" backwards for like 30 seconds. I kept saying "d-l-o," oh shoot, "w-o-r-l-d" so it's "d-l-r," oh no i forgot again...etc. And during this process, he just kept staring at me with concern as if I had brain damage, so after that question I assured him that I don't have a brain problem, or at least I don't think so.
Last semester, I was short one unit so I signed up for a DeCal called Chinese Dance. My roommate E kept warning me, "Don't go, don't go." But I stubbornly replied, "I need the units or I'll drop out of college!" So I went to the first class expecting some kind of dancing, until I saw the instructors, both girls, stretching by doing the splits. As I waited in the room, I saw some girls come in, and then some more girls come in, and I began to suspect that Chinese dance was meant for women but I was determined to stay in the class no matter what to get my one unit. I kept hoping that a guy will show up, but none ever did, and I realized that Chinese dance really was meant for women, but I was determined to get my one unit no matter what.
The instructors proceeded to lead the class through the most awkward and humiliating stretches that I shudder to recall, but I forced myself to think happy thoughts. Next, the instructors sat us down and told us that we would be performing the dances we will learn onstage in Hertz Hall, but my heart was hardened and I ignored the warning. Then the instructors demonstrated exactly what kind of dancing we would be doing. They each took a red fan and a red hankerchief and showed us exactly why Chinese dance was not meant for men. I began to turn red and sweat, but even still I shut my eyes and thought happy thoughts.
Then came the last straw. The instructors took out two boxes, one with fans and the other with hankerchiefs, and told us to pick up one of each. I didn't care about my oen unit anymore. I was thoroughly humiliated; I had no more happy thoughts left; and I was drenched in cold sweat. I was shivering as I walked out of the room as calmly as I could back to my apartment. I said to my roommate, "You were right."
D: Why don't you try to guess?
Justin: Uh ok... 26?
D: Haha not quite, try again
D: Nope, younger
Justin: (pause) 12?
D: No, higher than that
Justin: ... Can you give me a hint?
D: Justin you're so close!
D: There you go. How did you guess?
(At this point, Dan's peers tell me Dan was liable to give Justin a lecture about the value of binary searches)
NOTE: The keys were inside the room.
Maybe the picture itself isn't clear enough for a demotivator without the above factual detail, but I still have hope in the wrongness prowess of disgracepoint readers.
Teacher: Do you know what InterHigh Monthly is?
Student: Worldview and apologetics
Teacher: That's right. Do you know what the topic is?
Teacher: "Does God Exist?"
Teacher: No, that's the topic!
Teacher: How many of your friends are coming to our next InterHigh Monthly?
Student: There's so many I can't count.
Teacher: Oh wow.. but I need to know, so that I can arrange for rides.
Student: Oh, ok... (pause) Two.
Teacher: (pause) Is that two including you?
Student: Yeah.. no wait, no. It's me, my friend J, my friend R and one other guy.
Teacher: ... So that's 4.
Student: It is?
Hurting Guy: Oh, yeah. He just finished.
(Later, it was revealed that he meant to say that he just finished reading a Christian book, but he couldn't get that last bit in, because people around him were laughing)
Setting: Sister YZ and Sister YY and Sister R, all of them English Patients to different degrees, are excitedly talking about their vision to do something together in China in front of Sarah, an English major.
Sister YZ: Yeah, we should build a school in the rural areas of China for kids from elementary grade level to high school.
Sister YY: Oh that would be so great! We can train the students to take the SAT and maybe they can come to the colleges in America, near our church plants!
Sister YZ: Yeah, you can teach Chemistry, and Sister R can teach Math and Physics!
Sister R: They will do really well on the SAT!
Sarah: But who's going to teach English?
J: Oh, oops.
Friend: Sick! Why did you leave your socks behind?
J: Oh, they just come off. I think it's because I put those in the washing machine.
(At this point, J's friends started to wonder what J does with her other socks)
Brother M: I think the pyramids in Egypt and the Great Wall of China, but I don't know the rest.
Brother B: I think also Taj Mahal. Oh, and Tiramisu!
Brother M: What? Tiramisu is a dessert.
Brother B: You know, that place in Peru.
Brother M: Oh, you mean Machu Picchu!
Brother B: I can't believe I just said that. I was thinking of the kind of cake I wanted to eat.
Setting: Sister J is celebrating and hugging sister D, who just got confirmation that her boss will sponsor her for the H1 work visa, so that she can stay in the US.
Sister J: Oh my gosh!!! That's so wonderful! Can you believe it, Gina?? Her company is going to give her the H1N1!!!!
Friend: Oh no!! Your scantron is filled with red marks… That’s painful, man! I think you did worse than chance!
Unnamed Brother: Yeah, that’s really painful… [pause] By the way… who is Chance?
English Patient G: So these are the legs. And here, this is the tail. And here, these two things that stick out of the cow’s head.. they are called hooves.
1st Grader: (raises hand)
English Patient G: Yes?
1st Grader: Umm… I don’t think those are hooves…
English Patient G: What do you mean? What are they called, then?
1st Grader: I don’t remember what they are called, but they are not hooves.
English Patient G: What are hooves, then?
1st Grader: I’m not sure. But those things on the head.. I don’t think they are hooves.
English Patient G: Yes they are.
1st Grader: Okay.
Brother B: Hey I'm actually listening to this song lyrics for the first time, and I never realized.. this song is about Jesus!
Brother J: What?? Jesus wrote this song?
Friend: That's a broom.
Sister Y: You mean like what brides get married to?
Friend: Oh my gosh!! That's "groom", not "broom"!
Sister Y: [trying to recover] Oh, well, I thought bride and broom made sense because I thought husbands are supposed to sweep the house after they get married.
A particular brother emails his peers from Taiwan to remind them that it's Brother K's 30th birthday. So they plan to have a nice breakfast on Saturday morning. Even though he's really busy, Brother R stays up all night to make a nice frame celebrating his 30th. On Saturday morning, they get together and this is the conversation that they had.
Brother R: Okay, I guess we're waiting for Brother K... Wow, big 30.
Brother D: Actually... it's not his 30th. It's actually his 29th birthday.
Brother R: What?? Are you serious? How long did you know about this?
Brother D: Since I got the email, I knew that it wasn't his 30th.
Brother R: I can't believe you didn't tell us. I made the frame and everything! Well, I guess we can just explain to him why the words on the frame are wrong. How come he's not here?
Brother W: Actually, he's not around. He went down to San Jose.
Brother R: What??
Brother W: Yeah.
Brother R: And you knew about this?
Brother D: How come you didn't tell us?
Brother W: [silence] Let's just have breakfast.
Setting: Sister Y and Yumi are ironing the welcome team shirts at North Loop.
Sister Y: Okay, so should we go for the matte finish or the Satan-y finish?
Yumi: Satan? You mean satiny?
Sister Y: Oh my gosh! Yeah. That's what I meant! (laugh) How come I make all these English mistakes?
Yumi: That's okay.
Sister Y: Yumi, I want to make suns when I talk. I want to make suns!
English Patient Sister C: When you get a cold, you should drink euthanasia tea.
Friend: (pause) Do you mean Echinacea tea? (pause) I mean, I guess euthanasia tea would also put an end to the sickness...
Friend1: So sad, their career is over at age 30 or something.
Friend2: Well, George Foreman did okay. He has a business and everything.
Friend1: That’s true.
Sister E: (confused) Yeah… But I thought we were talking about athletes. Why are we talking about a grill-maker?
Brother M: In that case, can I have 'ho fun'?
Waiter (irritated): NO FUN! NO FUN!
At the moment this waiter said that, Brother M did not realize that "fun" meant rice noodles.
Setting: 5-year-old Michelle makes this speech in front of her family members.
Michelle: Mommy! You are a princess!
Mom: Wow, really?
Michelle: Daddy! You’re a prince!
Michelle: Grandma, you’re the cook!
Michelle: Elise (her older sister), you’re the servant!
Michelle: And everyone!! Everyone needs to listen to me, because I’m the queen!!
Yumi walks into the Y one day and is greeted by Brother B. As she walks by him, B stops Yumi and asks with a smile, "Hey Yumi, you really like brown, don't you?"
After looking at herself and realizing that she was wearing brown sweatshirt and green pants, she answers, "Yah, I guess so."
"You're the only person I know who wears brown head-to-toe," said B.
"Oh my gosh, you're color-blind! I'm wearing green pants!" Yumi exclaimed.
What's seems amazing to me is not the severity of Brother B's color-blindness, but the fact that he says stuff like this.
Please vote for your favorite caption on the poll to the right. This is for the picture posted here:
Setting: Brother W and his wife E were driving to a place where Brother W would be teaching the Bible study.
Sister E: So what do you think about these issues? There are so many things to think about.
Brother W: I know, but let’s not talk about that right now, because I gotta concentrate.
Sister E: But we need to talk through these items. I’m so stressed.
Brother W: You’re stressed? Hey, at least you don’t have to teach Bible studies!
Sister E: At least you don’t have to listen to them!
At this point, Brother W, who is a good sport about bantering, was first shocked, but then realized that his wife bested him, and said, “Wow! That’s a good one!!”
On our trip to Grand Canyon, us pampered Californians soon discovered that the chilly Arizona proved to be too much for us.
In desperation, we found ourselves having a new idol... the bright brown trash can, which was very warm from absorbing much heat from the sunlight.
Before we know it, we were all crowded around that new idol of ours, touching it, leaning on it, hugging it, worshipping it...
It is another example of just how weak human body is.
Let's together commit to a new year's resolution -- that we will submit at least one story to disgracepoint this year, or at least do something that is worthy of others telling disgracepoint about. Really, we're running low on stories.
Happy new year, happy new decade.