English Patient: Street Name

Setting: English Patient Brother E is signing up for a Spotify account, and he runs into the form item asking for "Street Name".

Brother E: Street name?  Hmm.... People just call me by the same name.  So for me, my street name is the same as my real name..

* Brother E puts down his name on the street name and presses "Submit"*

Indian Patient: Tikka Masala

Friend: Hey, I really like Indian food.

Sister S: Yeah.  I really like Taj Mahal.

Friend: You mean tikka masala?

The Asian Girl from Harry Potter

Friend: What was the name of that Asian girl from Harry Potter?

Sister S: Chow Mein!

Friend: Nevermind.

English Patient: SUV

Sister A: I want to buy a non-American car.

Friend: You should get a Hyundai Sonata, then.

Sister A: Well, that's a sedan, and I was thinking about getting a USB.

Mysterious Chinese Menu Item

We have no idea what the first 2 dishes are.

English Patient: Nasty Falafel

Sister X: Hey, what is this falafel made of?

Friend: I think it's chickpea.

Sister X: Oh sick!! Spit it out!

Making sure that there are no typos

Checklists are really crucial to make sure that there are no embarrassing mistakes.

Technology Patient: Wife

Sister S (Technology Patient): Hey, how is your wife?

Brother: What?  I'm not married.

Sister S: Sorry, how's your Wi-Fi internet?

English Patient: Amazing Food Places

Sister Y: Hey, in Pleasanton, there are these amazing restaurants in the palace.

Friend: There's a palace in Pleasanton?  Wait, do you mean plaza?

Tobasco

Setting: A father and son walking down the aisle of Safeway...

Son: Hey Daddy!  Remember how you said we ran out of tobacco?  Don't forget!  We need more tobacco!

English Patient: Blew a Gasket

Sister E: Oh no, did he blow a casket?

Friend: No, that would be cruel.

Trash-talking on the Whiteboard

This is a whiteboard that some elementary boys at Gracepoint Berkeley were using to trash-talk to each other.  Grammatical and spelling errors are just not the kinds of things that boys ridicule each other about.

Yoda's Rice Pot

Does Yoda come to Gracepoint?

English Patient: Sky Mountain Camp

Setting: A group of sisters are looking at pictures of the Sky Mountain Camp.

Friend: Look, here's the meadow that Pastor Ed was talking about.

Sister J: Where?  I don't see it.

Friend: (points to the obvious meadow in the picture) Here, the meadow.

Sister J: I really don't see it.  I thought it was big and beautiful and shiny.

Friend: What?

Sister J: The big metal.

English Patient: Wrong Wrong

Setting: A group of sisters are laughing at a comical sign below...

Friends: [laughing]

Sister X: Huh?  I don't get it.

Friends: You don't get it??  This means in a marriage, when there's an argument... the wife is always right and the other... 

Sister X: I don't get it.

Friends: What's the opposite of "right"?

Sister X: Left.

Friends: [silence]

Confusing Label

I have no idea how to make sense of this label.  This container contained soy sauce, but that seems to be beside the point.  What could possibly be inside the container which would make sense of this label?

English Patient: Hand Sanitizer

Brother T: Hey, can you pass me the hand sanctifier?

Number R

Setting: Sister J and friends are helping a toddler make cards for people.

Toddler: Can you draw the number R?
Sister J: Sure, but R is not a number..  It's an alphabet.
Friend: R is a letter.

English Patient: Hairy Words

Sister L: I have so many things to do...  I feel so hairy!

English Patient: Steph Curry and the Other Guy

English Patient: You know, it takes discipline to grow spiritually. Steph Curry didn't get so good overnight. And the other big guy on the other team, Bon Jovi, also practiced for many years. Lifegroup Members: Umm.. do you mean LeBron James?