Tasty Christmas

Here's an invitation to our Joyland Christmas Celebration.

English Patient: Moving Headaches

Friend: For the past two days, I've had this really bad headache.

Sister J: Oh no, it is migration?

Training

Friend: Which workshop are you taking for Winter Retreat?

Sister E: I'm taking Art of Violence!

(Background: There were workshops called "Art of Reflection:" and "Miracles and Violence in the OT")

Unknown Scores

Friend 1: Wow he got 176 on the LSAT?

Friend 2: Yea he beat Brother J by 1 point!

Brother M: Oh really?  So what did Brother J get?

Two English Patients Insulting Each Other

Sister J makes an English Patient mistake...

Sister L: Ha ha ha!  You made a mistake!  You are so farby!

Good Kleenex

Brother Y submits his testimony to be read at a discipleship retreat...

"I grew up as a goody tissue."

Directions for a Relay Game

This was the actual directions written for a relay game to be played during one of our game nights:

4 teams line up, with each team starting at the 4 corners of a circle.
The objective of the game is to catch the team in front of you.

English Patient Hobbit

Sister C: When I was trying to play volleyball around all those tall people, I felt like a Fobbit!

English Patient: Mocking

Setting: A group of students are sitting around talking about their favorite classic books.

Sister X: Oh, my favorite book is "To Kill a Hummingbird!"

Dangers of Vegetarianism

Sister I from Berkeley gives a passionate Bible study about the dangers of idleness and concludes her message by saying:

"So sisters, during the break, don't vegi out!"

We Don't Need No Education

Cramping My English

Sister A: "Hey man, why you gotta crank my style?"

Game of Cranium

Setting: A game of Cranium at Sierra Lodge

Sister Y: The question is: Who said this famous quote, "Work is the curse of the drinking classes"?

Sister A: I don't know...

Sister Y: The answer is Oscar Wilde. WAIT!!!! Isn't Oscar Wilde the guy who makes the sausages?

Sister A: Oscar Meyers?

Balding Tires

Setting: A group of brothers are checking the tires for their car for a long ride.

Brother S: [coming up from behind] Ooo, kind of balding in the back there, ey?

Brother G: [touching the back of his head]  Ah man, I know...

Swollen Thumb

Setting: Sister B is soaking her thumb in a bowl of ice water after getting a bug bite that made her finger swell.  Sister A comes home and is really concerned.

Sister A:  Oh my gosh!  You need to put your whole hand into the bowl!!
Sister B: Why?
Sister A: Because your whole hand is swollen!
Sister B: ...this is my normal hand size.  Only my thumb is swollen.
Sister A: [silence]

Ordering at a Restaurant

Setting: Sister K is ordering at a Mexican restaurant and reading off the ingredients on the menu.

Sister K: So this comes with... grilled chicken, fresh bell peppers, Habernero Sauce, Le Huce…? Excuse me, what’s Le Huce? Is that some kind of sauce?  Is it good?

Cashier (looks at the menu): You mean lettuce?

English Patient Chaos

Setting: A group of sisters are trying to decide what to do for the evening.

Sister E: Let's take a walk on the beach.

Friend: Nah.

Sister E: Who made you the perpetrator?

Friend: What?

Sister E: You know, the one who directs everything.  Like the SAT people.

Friend: You mean Procter?

Sister E: Yea!

Friend: That still doesn't make sense.  I'm going to buy you a dictionary.

Geography Patient

Setting: A group of sisters are looking at pictures.

Sister B: Oh, where is this?

Friend: That's the Sistine Chapel in Rome.

Sister B: Oh really?  Is that in Germany?

English Patient: Trilemma

Setting: A group of students are reviewing the contents of  Course 101.

Lifegroup Leader: Do you remember the whole issue of trying to determine the identity of Jesus, given that he claimed himself to be equal to God?

Group: Ummm..

Lifegroup Leader: You know, how he was either a liar, lunatic or lord?

English Patient Sister J: Oh yeah!  Jesus was trilingual!

Amazing Label

Setting: The junior sisters were assigned to organize the items for the Welcome Week.  And this is how one of the bins were labeled.