Limes
Setting: Someone gets water with lemon in it.
Brother J: These are OK, but I like limes better.
Brother B: They're the same fruit anyways.
Brother J: Huh? What do you mean?
Brother B: Limes are just baby lemons.
Disgracepoint from East Coast: Floor Lambs
Another post from the East Coast...
Sister B's email:
Please pack those floor lambs by disassembling them and putting them in boxes. 4 of my floor lambs broke, because I moved them. You need floor lambs here, as the homes here don't have light fixtures. So most of them need floor lambs to plug in for lights.
A comment: It's pretty amazing that how many times sister B uses the word. I think she really wanted to make it abundantly clear what she was talking about.
Sister B's email:
Please pack those floor lambs by disassembling them and putting them in boxes. 4 of my floor lambs broke, because I moved them. You need floor lambs here, as the homes here don't have light fixtures. So most of them need floor lambs to plug in for lights.
A comment: It's pretty amazing that how many times sister B uses the word. I think she really wanted to make it abundantly clear what she was talking about.
Disgracepoint from East Coast
With the new East Coast church plants happening, there's been a revival of submissions to disgracepoint. I am thankful for the gift. Here's a little something from Gracepoint DMV:
Email: Hi everyone, there is a little breakfast nuke area at the place, so you can bring a small table there for eating.
NOTE: By the way, this person is not talking about a microwave oven.
Email: Hi everyone, there is a little breakfast nuke area at the place, so you can bring a small table there for eating.
NOTE: By the way, this person is not talking about a microwave oven.
English Patient: Street Name
Setting: English Patient Brother E is signing up for a Spotify account, and he runs into the form item asking for "Street Name".
Brother E: Street name? Hmm.... People just call me by the same name. So for me, my street name is the same as my real name..
* Brother E puts down his name on the street name and presses "Submit"*
Brother E: Street name? Hmm.... People just call me by the same name. So for me, my street name is the same as my real name..
* Brother E puts down his name on the street name and presses "Submit"*
Indian Patient: Tikka Masala
Friend: Hey, I really like Indian food.
Sister S: Yeah. I really like Taj Mahal.
Friend: You mean tikka masala?
Sister S: Yeah. I really like Taj Mahal.
Friend: You mean tikka masala?
The Asian Girl from Harry Potter
Friend: What was the name of that Asian girl from Harry Potter?
Sister S: Chow Mein!
Friend: Nevermind.
Sister S: Chow Mein!
Friend: Nevermind.
English Patient: SUV
Sister A: I want to buy a non-American car.
Friend: You should get a Hyundai Sonata, then.
Sister A: Well, that's a sedan, and I was thinking about getting a USB.
Friend: You should get a Hyundai Sonata, then.
Sister A: Well, that's a sedan, and I was thinking about getting a USB.
English Patient: Nasty Falafel
Sister X: Hey, what is this falafel made of?
Friend: I think it's chickpea.
Sister X: Oh sick!! Spit it out!
Friend: I think it's chickpea.
Sister X: Oh sick!! Spit it out!
Making sure that there are no typos
Checklists are really crucial to make sure that there are no embarrassing mistakes.
Technology Patient: Wife
Sister S (Technology Patient): Hey, how is your wife?
Brother: What? I'm not married.
Sister S: Sorry, how's your Wi-Fi internet?
Brother: What? I'm not married.
Sister S: Sorry, how's your Wi-Fi internet?
English Patient: Amazing Food Places
Sister Y: Hey, in Pleasanton, there are these amazing restaurants in the palace.
Friend: There's a palace in Pleasanton? Wait, do you mean plaza?
Friend: There's a palace in Pleasanton? Wait, do you mean plaza?
Tobasco
Setting: A father and son walking down the aisle of Safeway...
Son: Hey Daddy! Remember how you said we ran out of tobacco? Don't forget! We need more tobacco!
Son: Hey Daddy! Remember how you said we ran out of tobacco? Don't forget! We need more tobacco!
English Patient: Blew a Gasket
Sister E: Oh no, did he blow a casket?
Friend: No, that would be cruel.
Friend: No, that would be cruel.
Trash-talking on the Whiteboard
This is a whiteboard that some elementary boys at Gracepoint Berkeley were using to trash-talk to each other. Grammatical and spelling errors are just not the kinds of things that boys ridicule each other about.
English Patient: Sky Mountain Camp
Setting: A group of sisters are looking at pictures of the Sky Mountain Camp.
Friend: Look, here's the meadow that Pastor Ed was talking about.
Sister J: Where? I don't see it.
Friend: (points to the obvious meadow in the picture) Here, the meadow.
Sister J: I really don't see it. I thought it was big and beautiful and shiny.
Friend: What?
Sister J: The big metal.
Friend: Look, here's the meadow that Pastor Ed was talking about.
Sister J: Where? I don't see it.
Friend: (points to the obvious meadow in the picture) Here, the meadow.
Sister J: I really don't see it. I thought it was big and beautiful and shiny.
Friend: What?
Sister J: The big metal.
English Patient: Wrong Wrong
Setting: A group of sisters are laughing at a comical sign below...
Friends: [laughing]
Sister X: Huh? I don't get it.
Friends: You don't get it?? This means in a marriage, when there's an argument... the wife is always right and the other...
Sister X: I don't get it.
Friends: What's the opposite of "right"?
Sister X: Left.
Friends: [silence]
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