English Patient: Peace of Mind

Husband: Is that my phone ringing?  I don’t want to miss a call.

Wife: Here, I got the phone for you.. so that you can have a piece of your mind.

Disgracepoint Classic: Demotivator

Here's an old disgracepoint demotivator that deserves another mention...  Thanks for providing these clever captions!

http://www.disgracepointonline.org/2008/12/demotivator-contest-winners.html

English Patient Teacher

Setting: English Patient G is giving a lesson to a bunch of first-graders on animal body parts with a picture of a cow.

English Patient G: So these are the legs.  And here, this is the tail.  And here, these two things that stick out of the cow’s head.. they are called hooves.

1st Grader: (raises hand)

English Patient G: Yes?

1st Grader: Umm… I don’t think those are hooves…

English Patient G: What do you mean?  What are they called, then?

1st Grader: I don’t remember what they are called, but they are not hooves.

English Patient G: What are hooves, then?

1st Grader: I’m not sure.  But those things on the head.. I don’t think they are hooves.

English Patient G: Yes they are.

1st Grader: Okay.

The Lone Star Country

A particular sister looks at this hanging from a wall at North Loop and asks, “What is that? Is that a map of Taiwan?”

Demotivators from TC

Here are some demotivators that were submitted to disgracepoint...  If you can think of other captions, please comment.

English Patient: IMAX movie

Sister Y: Hey, I just watched that movie in 3D.

Sister R: Was it IMAX?

Sister Y: Yes, that's what I said.  I watched it with that eyemask thing.

Spanish Patient: The Man

Friend: You are the man!!  In Mexico, you would be called "El Hombre."

Brother P: "El hombre..."  Is that Chinese?

English Patient: Hidden Strength

English Patient Y: I think Sister A's personality is actually very strong, but not many people realize it.  I think it's heathen strength.

English Patient: Bible Characters

Sister H: I was reading about rehab during my Bible reading.

Sister I: Do you mean Rahab?

I Didn't Know That

Setting: A bunch of brothers are sitting at Starbucks during Christmas, and the music playing is "Little Drummer Boy".

Brother B: Hey I'm actually listening to this song lyrics for the first time, and I never realized.. this song is about Jesus!

Brother J: What??  Jesus wrote this song?

English Patient: Basinet

Sister G: You know, I wanted to ask you...  Since I'm about to have a baby, I was wondering if you had an old bayonet that I could have.

Brother Monk

A particular man in our midst, who will remain anonymous (the identity of this man is to remain strictly confidential, as evidenced by the effort put into protecting his identity in the photo), walked into Berkel Berkel, which is a Korean restaurant on Telegraph Ave. in Berkeley.

After sitting down, he ordered Bulgogi, which is a common Korean BBQ beef dish.  What he didn't know was that the owner of Berkel Berkel was a Buddhist.  After ordering, the owner came out to this particular brother and said with a disturbed look on his face:

"Ummm... should you be ordering this?  I'm not sure if I feel okay about selling meat to a..."

Brother D quickly realized what was happening and said, "Oh, I'm not a monk."

The owner's eyes widened, and he tried to quickly recover, "Oh... is that so?  Wow, I just thought that since your face looked so peaceful, you must have been...  Well, then, enjoy."

I'm not really sure about the owner's logic... First of all, if your Buddhist convictions are bothered by someone eating meat, why are you selling meat in the first place?  Second, I highly doubt that the owner made his judgment by looking at how peaceful this particular brother's face looked.

Common Sense Patient: Common Sense Biology

Friend1: Did you know that ostrich eggs are the biggest eggs on earth?

Common Sense Patient: No way!  Bigger than elephants'?

English Patient: Love and Marriage

Sister Y: [pointing to a broom during Sunday setup]  What is this thing called in English?

Friend: That's a broom.

Sister Y: You mean like what brides get married to?

Friend: Oh my gosh!!  That's "groom", not "broom"!

Sister Y: [trying to recover] Oh, well, I thought bride and broom made sense because I thought husbands are supposed to sweep the house after they get married.